Thursday, December 27, 2007

Call off the dogs!

Call off the dogs, Jessica! I am here and alive and well! This Christmas has been an.... interesting one so far. Very relaxing in some ways as we had no traveling to do and no one came over. It was just me, DH and the 3 kiddos having a quiet day. And lots of good food and yummy cookies. In other ways it was very stressful. My car decided to break down in the midst of last minute Xmas shopping. And there I was with little baby boy and no way home. Long story but eventually the car started and I got it to limp home. My mechanic (who SUPPOSEDLY fixed this same problem on the car months ago) was going to come over for a house call but was unable to make it. So, thanks to some wonderful ladies in my meet and play group, the rest of my shopping was completed without the use of my car. It is still not fixed. It will drive but will not shift out of first gear. So I cannot drive above about 20 mph. Which kinda sucks for going anywhere.

But, Xmas was a success. I took baby boy for his 9 month checkup today and he is doing wonderfully. No problems. It is nice to go to the doctors and not have problems. The Boy ALWAYS has something going on. Not physically but developmentally. So it was nice to have a relaxing office visit with our ped.

My mom and my MIL are on their way here from FL right now. So, Xmas part deaux is about to commence. Can't wait to hug them and have a visit and a chat face to face again. It feels like forever since they were here even though it was just Thanksgiving when they were here!

I will try to post again tonight. More chatting about toys and wrapping paper and cookies.

On another note.... I think I am going to attempt to post every day for 2008. 365 days of blogging. What? Am I crazy? I couldn't even do a month! What am I thinking! Hey, it is worth a shot. And I got a new digital camera for Xmas so I can post PICTURES! Yay! Anyway, I think it will give me a good goal and a good way to take some mental time for myself each day. We will see how it goes!

Later!!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Nothing to report

Nothing too earth shattering going on in my life. Just the basic running in place, trying to get ready for the holidays. I am way behind in every way this xmas. My tree is still half naked, my cookies are half made, my presents are .... mostly all bought but not wrapped, the xmas spirit is beginning to filter in though!

I will try to post in between the frenzied wrapping, baking, merry making.... but no guarantees.

Have a wonderful Christmas if I am not back before then!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Monday's Muse

I am reading through some older poetry that I wrote. From before the last two children sucked the creativity out of me. I am wondering where exactly these thoughts came from?? I really impress myself sometimes. (hehe) I will rework and post some of the older things in a little bit. For now, here is a new one. I wrote it this morning. I struggled all week to come up with something and then sat down this morning and wrote this in about five minutes. Not great but I like it. It feels good to me.

Foggy days
buried in laundry
crawling through diapers
struggling to run.

Sleepless nights
worrying, wondering
watching their breaths
falling in love.

Breaking through
making cookies
playing with cars
singing Blue's song.

Sunshine mornings
soon to come
growing and grasping
remembering myself.

I think it needs work and some more thought behind it. But the feeling is there and the idea. And that is a first step to remembering what I am, who I am and getting the muse back!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Examining My Mental Health

I have always been a little bit OCD. I am not a neat/ clean freak (not Monk) but I like to have things go where they are supposed to go. I need them to be put away WHERE THEY GO. CORRECTLY. My organization is my own. It might not make sense to anyone else. And if it is not right, it makes me crazy. I also count things all the time. Like, if I am stirring cookie dough.... I count how many times I stir it. Or if I am driving behind someone I memorize their license plate #. Weird stuff like that. I also hate for my food to touch. Some foods can touch other foods, some cannot ever touch other foods or they must be thrown away. And corn? Cannot EVER be in anything. Soups with corn? Make me want to vomit. I love corn. Just not in anything and not touching anything. I know. It's weird.

I also am borderline bi-polar. I am mild enough that I do not need medication (yet) but I recognize that a lot of my emotional issues stem from this. The highs and lows. The irritability. The inability to handle this SAHM gig.....

I also suffer from the "super mommy" problem. I expect myself to be able to raise 3 kids, keep the house perfect, have dinner home made every night and still be dressed to kill when hubby gets home. AND want to have sex after having two babies pulling on me all day.

I have been struggling with depression for the past... while. I don't know if it is post partum depression or just a combination of lack of sleep and the crap we have gone through over the past few years. It is only lately that I have seen how bad it has been.

So, now, I can see the problems I am having. And I recognize the fact that if I make a plan to do something, a goal, and don't follow through it makes me very anxious. Very stressed and upset. I also hate to be late for anything. With 3 kids being late is an everyday occurrence.

I have decided that one thing that I can do for myself to deal with this is to start to set more realistic goals for myself. I am not perfect. My house will never be perfect. My kids will never be perfect. So, my first realistic goal... the tiny baby step to getting my life under control is to get my dishwasher loaded every night before I go to bed. No matter what shape the rest of the house is in, I will load the dishwasher. Have all dirty dishes in there or soaking in the sink. This is a goal that I know that I can accomplish. And that will make me feel better, to know that I accomplished a goal.

Another thing that I am going to start doing is an "I did" list instead of a "to do" list. I will still have to do lists but geared as long range lists instead of daily. This way I am not so overwhelmed that I cannot do ANYTHING. Which is what has been happening.

And I have promised myself that I will do something for myself each week. To help me remember who I am. And to help me feel good about myself.

So.... now I have to nurse the baby. And change the boy's diaper. And make cookies......

Saturday, December 15, 2007

As the house tumbles....

And so go the hours of our days..... up in smoke. Or dust as the case may be. The past few days have just sort of faded into each other with a total lack of meaning. Lots of housework, lots of screaming babies and toddlers, lots of teenage angst and drama, lots of hubby working at work and not working at home. Same ol', Same ol'. With a few notable exceptions.....

I had another yard sale. I really, really, really want to get rid of all of this shit in my house. But, I seem to be unable to just throw it away or even give it away. I want to make some moola.... dinero.... cashola... clams... you know, the greenbacks!! (not wetbacks, silly!) So... the yard sale. It sucked. I sold hardly anything. Only made like $35. Last time I made over $125. I was hoping. Xmas money would be nice. But, now I still have all of this crap. So, now I have to decide.... hold onto it and try to have another sale after Xmas? Or give it away on Freecycle? Or eBay some of it? Or what??????

The baby is teething. It is pure slobbering, screaming, whining, clinging, spitting, chewing fun. He is working on his top two teeth. And they are sooooooo swollen. Poor baby. Any good suggestions to help with this are much appreciated!

The Boy went off of his schedule. So he is a brat of biblical proportions right now. Nuff said.

The Teen. She is..... not having a good day. She was supposed to be going to this Winter Formal at her school. My mom found her a dress. It looks beautiful. And we got shoes, etc. She was all ready to start getting dressed, doing makeup, etc when her friend called and told her the dance was cancelled. She is very disappointed. It would have been her first high school dance. I never went to any dances in high school. No proms, either. Not my scene. But she was excited! Now.... dreary days..... no dance... boo hoo...
Actually, she is OK about it now. She is trying to watch the boys for me so I can sit in here and type away for a bit.

My Xmas tree is half-dressed. have you ever seen a half-naked Xmas tree? It is pitiful. Poor thing. I need to get the rest of the ornaments on it. And make some cookies. We are planning to go to the zoo to see the Xmas light display there Sunday night. And Tuesday is a party for the MAP group. 28 families... lots of kids! Santa will be coming to bring the kids presents. And lots of yummy food and nice people. I haven't really gotten to know very many of the moms yet. I have a hard time getting close to people sometimes. I just don't make friends easily, never have. I always feel like the little girl sitting off by herself, separate from everyone, left out and ignored... sniff sniff... poor me.... JK... I usually have fun even if I haven't made any close friends yet. So... parties and cookies to come.

I will let y'all know whenever the tree finishes getting dressed!

More to come later on my many revelations and decisions this week regarding my mental health and stability.....

Future M.I.L.F Friday.... delayed

I would love to tell you a dramatic and edge of your seat story as to why there was a gap in the blogging here. But, the truth of the matter is that my life just got the better of me. I will post separately about some of the many wonderful things that have kept me busy this week. For now......

I am definitely a Future MILF. Emphasis on the FUTURE. I am not going to share my weight this week as I did not lose, I gained. It may have something to do with stress. Or maybe depression. Or it could be lack of energy and therefore a lack of exercise. Or maybe.... it was the half of a coconut cream pie that found it's way into mah belly. Or the snack cakes. Or the numerous Pepsi's. Nah. It was the stress.

Realistically I understand that I will probably not lose any weight this holiday season. This was probably the absolute worst time to try to start this. I would be happy with not gaining any more weight! My back hurts, my knees hurt and none of my clothes fit me right. It sucks. And it is depressing and upsetting. And demoralizing. I don't feel sexy in the slightest. Add that to the general lack of a sex drive right now and you get an unhappy husband. Not that he complains (he better not!) (LOL)..... but.... it makes me feel bad.

The steps in the right direction that I HAVE taken this week are:

1. Weaning myself off of caffeine. I am addicted. And the soda? It is a god. I don't like diet soda. So that leaves dropping soda altogether and drinking water. I like drinking water. But, being addicted to caffeine means awful headaches if I drop it cold turkey. So, I am down to 1 or 2 caffeinated drinks a day and doing OK. Next week..... no caffeine unless it is black coffee!

2. Joining a weight loss support group that is linked to my Meet and Play group here. I am hoping to be able to walk with somebody on a regular basis. And have some accountability to people I actually see.

So, there. I have made steps. I will do this. It just might take longer than I would like....

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I won something! I am soooooo cool...

LOL. Thanks to Whitney over at thismomknows for the wonderful prize! I am the proud winner (randomly chosen lucky chick) of a $25 gift certificate to Duck Duck Goose an online children's boutique. Yay me! Now I just get to drool over all of the stuff that is way too expensive for me to get.... and decide what to spend my gift certificate on! The one thing I really like is THIS cause my boy is a rock star! But they have really great tees and toys as well. So..... we will see.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

yeah, yeah, yeah

ok, so no poem this Monday. Cause I discovered that my creative juices? They done dried up. I have to slowly gear up for another attempt at a poem for next Monday. But, thanks to Kara from Grace Under Autism for the new name for our poetry day..... are you ready?

Monday's Muse

I like it. A lot. So there we go.

Akkkkk...... baby crying, toddler laughing. That does not sound good. More later....

Monday, December 10, 2007

Monday. Madcap Monday.

I stayed up late last night reading blogs. Catching up on some of those that I read regularly and discovering some new ones. I am constantly amazed at the talent shown by bloggers. The beauty of their writing astounds me. I try. I used to consider myself a writer. sigh. I am so out of touch with my creative side. And so dragged down and tired from being mom 24/7 that I am lucky to be able to string together a complete sentence. To have it make sense is a bonus. I won't even ask for it to be creative......

I am not saying this so people can go "o, tracy, you are too talented!" I know my own strengths and weaknesses. When I am rested and energized and actually have a brain in my head, I do have talent. What I lack is drive and ambition.

My 13 yo DD had completed her first draft of her first novel. Wow. I am so proud of her. And jealous, too, in some odd way. She has that drive that I do not have. And the ambition and talent and.... well. It definitely would not surprise me for her to be published before she is out of high school.

Back to blogs.....

The whole reason that I started this blog is to give myself an outlet for my feelings. And also to get back in the habit of writing. Reconnect the old synapses in the brain. Maybe spark some creativity and get the old juices going again. After reading so many fantastically talented women (and men) out there, I have decided that it is time to do more than just chat and rant. So, I think that Monday will be my day for writing. Poetry, stories, essays, whatever. Probably I will try to concentrate on poetry for now. As an easy introduction of my brain to my computer. hehe

I will post a new poem later this evening.... what shall I call our Mondays? Fridays are Future MILF Fridays. Mondays will be...... ??? Can you think of something? Maybe .... marvelous mondays or magical mondays or monstrous manic mondays..... let me know what you think.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Quick post because I want to share this. Check out this post on Oh, The Joys blog.
http://othejoys.blogspot.com/2007/12/power-of-stories.html#links

Then, check out amazon.com and try to resist helping out the little children... bet you can't do it. I know I can't.

The smell of my brain on fire....

I sat down last night after all of the dust had settled and reread some of my archives. This post in particular:

http://faeriecastle.blogspot.com/2007/11/smell-of-baby.html

It is always a good idea to slow down and remember why and how you love someone!

And yes, I did hang the curtain rod!

I will post more later after the kids are in bed!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

not done

Ok. Not done yet. Speaking of being irritated. I just walked out into the livingroom and noticed my curtain STILL NOT HUNG! I have been asking DH to hang the stupid curtain rod since Thanksgiving. I cannot put up my curtains until he hangs the rod. And I cannot put up my xmas tree until I put up the curtains. Because. The. Tree. Goes. In. Front. Of. The. Curtains.

And I have a honey-do list that he has not gotten to for the past 3 weeks. He works hard but dammit so do I. And he should put up the damn curtain rod.

Screw it. I am going to go and put up the curtain rod. Then play blocks with the boy. And then maybe I will make xmas cookies and not cook dinner for DH. And then I will tell him that I was too busy hanging the curtain rod to cook him dinner. HA! So THERE!

Ok, just to give him his due, he works anywhere from 12 - 15 hours a day, 5 days a week. And he is no spring chicken, so on his days off he is tired. But, like my MIL says, "You don't get a day off, honey! Smack him!" hehe

Ok. Now I complained enough, I feel better. Back to the grind....

**sigh**

sssssssiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhh................................

There are days. Days, I tell you, when the children cause my brain to leak from my ears. Where my hair is frazzled, my teeth are grinding and my last nerve is shredded. Mah mind is gone.........

Today is one of those days. It seems like every single thing the boys do is specifically geared to drive me insane and irritate me. As well as just slightly piss me off. And maybe make me cry. Nah... me heap big strong mama.... me no cry! Yeah, right.

I don't know. Maybe it is hormones. I haven't actually strarted my period back yet but I am still hormonal due to breastfeeding and just being a woman! Ha. DH is at work until 9:30 tonight. He left at 9 AM. DD is at a movie with friends. She had Saturday school today. So, she was home for about 2 hours this afternoon. Long enough to irritate me as I had to remind her four times to put away the dishes and take out the garbage for me. But, she did help watch the boys for a bit so that I could try to have a quick break before I started babbling like a loon.

It is almost 4:30. Do you think 5 PM is too early for bed??? LOL, jk. They are actually calmed down right now and not pulling on me or each other, not whining, not screaming, not throwing things.... be right back, I had better go check on them!

Ok..... all is well. It was too quiet though!

Have you ever just had one of those days where you question your decision to ever have children? I asked myself, "Self? What were you thinking?" and self answered, "Sex. I was thinking about sex with #1 and #2. #3 I just wanted a back rub. Talk to DH about him."

I love my children. I just need a break! LOL....

Friday, December 7, 2007

Hum drum ho hum

Sick kid. Sweet baby. High schooler making me feel old. Same ol same ol, yes?

The eldest went to a high school basketball game last night. Wow. I was not prepared for her to be doing all of "the high school things". And there is a winter formal next weekend and she wants to go. AHHHHH!!!! No way. There is no way that my baby is old enough for all of this!

Anyway, I have to find her a dress in the next week. Nice, not too formal, flattering to a larger girl, plus size. And one that she likes. heh. That is my challenge for the next week.

More later.

Future M.I.L.F Friday

So, I am now an official "Future M.I.L.F". LOL. For anyone who does not know, a MILF is a "Mother I'd Like To F**k". Basically this is a support for women seeking to regain their before children bodies and also their spirits. I have been struggling with weight for some time now. And also struggling with a loss of self-esteem and sex drive. Maybe this will help....

So, from now on, Fridays are Future MILF Fridays here at the Faerie Castle!

I struggled with the idea of actually posting my weight here. And decided, what the hell. Most people who read this will never, ever meet me in person. And those who already know me, know how fat I am! So........... I weighed myself just now. I have a sucky scale. And I am wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt (just so you know) (but I did take my shoes off). And the official weigh in for today is 210 lbs. Yuck.

For those who do not know me, I am about 5 ft 5 inches tall. Very curvy, big boobs and wide hips. I have had three kids but I was never a "skinny minny". My thighs have ALWAYS touched. So, I don't expect miracles. My goal, long range, is to make it down to 150. But, even dropping 20 lbs would be an accomplishment!

So, stick around and check back often. Updates to the fab world of future MILFdom will be coming next week!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

You'll have to excuse him, ladies, he is just a boob man.

So. Quite a day here. My middlest child had several melt downs. And found a marker and gave himself a pretty tattoo on his arm. All over his arm. With black marker. Hah. Just in time to go deliver xmas cards to a retirement home and sing songs. How nice. He is such a boy.

The baby made my day. He made me laugh. This morning he said "dada" when daddy went to get him out of bed which was pretty cool. he has been saying "mama" for a while now. And then.... I was sitting in the rocker and he was standing at my knees pulling on me and trying to get to me. He was ready to nurse. So I told him just a minute and was trying to finish something and he looked up at me and said..................................................... are you ready? ............... he said "Boob". hahahahahahaha I shit you not. It was too freakin' funny. I laughed until I almost peed my pants. And then picked him up. And gave him what he asked for....

And just so you don't think it was some random word choice on his part.... tonight he crawled around after me for about ten minutes chasing me around the house, pulling on my pants and saying "boob. boob. boob. boob." hehehe haha heeeheee

he's a boob man alright.

Monday, December 3, 2007

OCD

So I had a slightly stressful day. And evening. Not as bad as the last few but still... I was trying to not get grumpy. All the kids went to bed and hubby is not home yet. And I was cleaning the livingroom. And I was sitting on the floor and kinda ... humming... under my breath and realized... I was sorting the boys toys into seperate categories and arranging them by size and type.

And I wonder where the boy gets it from?

Boob Ninjas Unite!

Ok. I am so totally not a breast feeding nazi (bad word choice maybe). I support every mother's right to choose how she feeds her baby. But, I also acknowledge that the breast is best. I am still breastfeeding my 8 month old. And, despite the teeth, mostly still enjoying it and feeling good about my decision. There has been a lot of recent controversy regarding breast feeding in public. My baby eats when he is hungry. Walking down the aisle in Walmart, sitting in a restaurant, at the park, wherever. I generally will cover up with a blanket. Not because I am ashamed, but because I choose not to make people uncomfortable. It is a regrettable fact of life in America that some people find the natural act of breast feeding a baby makes them uncomfortable. Fine. I respect your feelings. But, if I do not have a blankie and my baby needs to eat... I am feeding him regardless. And I am not going to go into a filthy public restroom to do so. Do YOU want to eat in a bathroom? I didn't think so.

Take a look at the videos posted here of breast feeding. The League of Maternal Justice and the Boob Ninjas did a great job responding to the Facebook and Applebees issues. If I had any video of baby boy chowing down I would so totally put it up here and on You Tube. No doubt.

So... that was my mini rant for the day. More later....

Sunday, December 2, 2007

MIA? No, just POC

POC of course meaning Prisoner of Children. Yes, my children have held me prisoner and not allowed me to blog.

Actually, I just suck. Sorry.

My to do list is a mile and a half long. On the good side, I made some xmas money at a yard sale this weekend. And plan on trying to make some more this coming up weekend. And trying to ebay some of my junk as well. If it gets it OUT OF MY HOUSe and makes me some money too then I am ahead of the game. I am tired of having TOO MUCH JUNK.

So, xmas lists are made for the kids. I need to make shopping lists and decide for sure what I am getting for who. I need to finish the xmas letter and get cards ready to go out before this weekend. (I usually try to get them out right after Thanksgiving. I am SLOW this year.) I need to start with the baking and crafting, etc. I love xmas.

The boys have been hilarious over the last week or so. I will post seperately about there funniness when they let me. Right now, eldest boy is trying to eat my soul with his FOURTH shitty diaper of the day. And youngest boy is trying to make me feel like a big meanie mommy for daring to put him down when he really wanted to be held. So.... off to the trenches. Now... where did I put my gas mask???

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sleep is the food of the gods

So, for any of you who were not aware, my two boys have sleep issues. The youngest just come from being little. The oldest boy has NEVER slept good. I have not had a full 8 hours of sleep in about 2 and a half years. I swear. Well, maybe once. But not for a while. Then...... the boy started to sleep in his toddler bed. And loves it. So, I decided to go full force on the sleep training of the youngest. And moved him out of our bedroom. And he loves it. He slept for 12 hours straight last night. TWELVE HOURS!!!! So, I got to sleep for about 8 1/2 UNINTERRUPTED hours. OMFG. The joy. The pure joy. I feel like a whole new woman. And they have been doing this for like a week and a half now. So, I am actually able to think. OMFG

But....without night feedings, my boobs are like overfilled balloons. Totally boobalicious and yummy looking. But they are definitely overfull. And baby boy was all like "I'm full, take it away" after only nursing on one boob. So now I am lopsided. It's pretty funny. But it doesn't feel so great. I need to find the breast pump......

I'm Alive!!!!!!

I'm here, I'm here! I am alive and sane and in one piece! Promise! My mom and MIL and niece were here for a week. Thanksgiving was fab. Lots of food and we all made pigs of ourselves. Lots of great relaxing and being together and hugs and the grands got to enjoy the kids without the hectic running to and fro that the last visits have been. So... a great week but I did not have the time to post so I suck. Sorry. hehe

more later.... the boy is on the potty.... have to see if he has succeeded in making a tinkle yet.....

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Not done yet

I guess I am not done yet. I should be cleaning my house or folding clothes. But I need this time for myself. I need to reconnect with myself and my emotions. I am feeling very weepy and emotional tonight. I know why and I will get to that soon enough. But, I have to say that part of it is the fact that my mommy is coming to see me. I will get to hug her and cry on her shoulder for the first time in a while. Last time she was here we were moving. It was so crazy that we didn't really get time to just visit. And the time before that was a quick jaunt to FL to drop off the eldest and we didn't really get much face time. And the time before that I was having a baby. And the time before that was LAST THANKSGIVING!!!! The last time I really got a chance to sit and have coffee and have face to face conversation with my mother was a year ago. That makes me sad. And she will be here in less than two days and I can not wait. Cause Mommy needs a hug. And a cuddle. Things have been so hard for us over the last year. And so tiring. Sometimes I get tired of being the strong one. The one who tries to hold it all together. Sometimes I wish I could just go to work for 14 hours a day and not worry about anything else. And sometimes I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head because, dear god, I really need some time to myself. To recharge. To remember who I am other than a wife and mother. And my mommy will kiss me and make it all better. So there.

I was reading a blog by another mommy earlier. This mommy has inflammatory breast cancer. One day she was breastfeeding her baby. The next she was diagnosed with cancer. And now she is going through chemo and radiation and still trying to be the strong mommy. Wow. I cannot even imagine how she has the strength to do what she does. Reading this blog made me realize that I need to spend more time appreciating my children and enjoying the time I have with them. Because you just never know what is around the corner.

So... to hell with the dust bunnies (OK, they are more like dust monkeys right now) and to hell with the laundry (it's clean... if you need something look in the basket) and to hell with trying to unpack and have a perfect house. I am going to spend tonight recharging my batteries so that I can enjoy my children. Enjoy them the way that they should be enjoyed. With love and laughter and butterfly kisses and raspberries on the belly.

And now I am done.

....the smell of baby

I spent some time today holding my baby and just looking at him. I don't do that nearly enough. He laid in my arms and stopped nursing, let go of the nipple and just stared at me. It was a very sweet moment. The softness of his baby skin against my breast, the strength in his fingers as they grabbed mine, the peace and love and innocence in his eyes, the smell... the smell of baby. That sweet, soft, cuddlesome smell of baby that only lasts a short time. Oh! The love I feel for this baby is so big it makes my heart ache. It wells up in me at the oddest times. He makes my heart sing and fly and float. He makes me happy that I am a mommy first. A mommy foremost. And a mommy of three. I thank whatever deity there is that when we found out we were pregnant again... we made the right choice.

I love my other children. The same weird welling up of love happens when I gaze at them when they don't realize. When they have no idea that I am watching and memorizing every moment of their childhood. It only lasts a heartbeat before it is gone.

My daughter makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She makes me so very proud that I want to show her off to the whole world. She makes me want to cuddle her and comfort her. There is a connection between a mother and a daughter that is strength and independence combined with a little pinky hug. I know that this young woman will be someone very special. She will grow into a woman who I would be proud to call a friend. And I have loved her every second she has been alive. She is the child of my girlhood. The one who has helped me to become the woman I am today. I don't know if she will ever be able to understand the way that I love her. And no other child could ever replace or change the way that I feel for her. It is a different kind of "mother-love" because of having her so young. It has made us closer in some ways and more distant in others. But the love is strong and gentle. It is peaceful and turbulent. It is the love of a mother for the one who MADE HER a mother... and a thankfulness that she came into my life. There are times that I struggle with understanding her. And allowing her to grow but still be supportive. And there are times that I cry for her, because of her and with her. I wish so much that I could change the way the world is and make it easier for her. Make the bullys and the assholes turn into decent human beings. Make the world accepting of differences in people and make my daughter have an easier and happier time in high school. But I can't change the world. I can't change my daughter. I can only change myself. I struggle to show my daughter a good roll model. I don't think that I have done this as well as I could have. I struggle to not be hypocritical or judgmental. I don't always succeed. I struggle to not lose my temper. I usually fail at this one. But I hope that through it all.... she knows I love her.

My son is all boy. He is the one who makes me belly laugh. Who also makes me cry in my bed at night for the pain and the struggles he has to go through. They may be minor when compared to so many children but this is MY SON and it hurts to see him struggle and stumble. He is such a big boy in so many ways but still wants mommy to hold him and hug him. He brings me his books at night and asks for a massage in the only way he can.... by laying down and saying "foot". (Yes, a new word!) He cuddles in his big boy bed and holds his own baby doll and I can see in his eyes that he wants me to lay with him and baby him. And sometimes I do.... because he is still my baby, too. He makes me proud to be the mommy of a strong boy who will grow up to be a strong man. With his father's sense of humor! When he lays his head on my chest and wraps his arms around my neck all I can think is how sweet the moment is... and then he is gone. Running, jumping, screaming, playing, doing everything he can as fast and as furious as he can. What a little man he is.... my incredible, wonderful, manic little man.

And back again to my baby. The last one if things go the way we have discussed them. This is the time I will miss the most when this baby is grown. This time of softness and sweetness and innocence and hope. The smell of baby and the soft baby skin and hair. The pure, unadulterated trust and love in their eyes. It makes me want to fall down on the floor... the power of that trust. The promise of love forever. And I so want to never, ever let my baby be hurt. I never, ever, ever want to have to see this baby hurt and rush him to the ER like his brother. I never want him to come home from school crying like his sister. I want his childhood to be peaceful and joyous. But, I can't wrap him up in bubbles. And I can't live his life for him. All mothers know..... you have to let them go and let them grow. Let them be who they are.

But for now..... he is just my baby......

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

potty all night long

Beginnings of breakthrough in the potty training situation..... The Boy went peepee TWICE in his potty today! Yay! It's the simple things that make us happy.....

Nothin much else goin on here today. Cleanin', cookin', playin' and not much else. No cute and/or funny anecdotes to share. BUT... I posted in my blog! Yay me! hahahahahahaha

More at a later date....

Monday, November 12, 2007

Sleepin the sleep of the just

Ahhhhh...... the big boy is sleeping in his real big boy bed tonight. I was actually able to get him to go to sleep in it without freaking out. Now we will see if he stays in it or wakes up and wanders tonight. I was planning on moving the baby's bed out of our bedroom tonight but I might wait until tomorrow night after I find the baby monitor. Makes me kinda nervous thinking about him all by himself with no monitor. I don't think i would hear him in another room. But I am very very excited about the boy in his toddler bed. Keeping our fingers crossed it works out good and we can move the baby into the crib soon.....

More tomorrow....

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Blog-a-thon

So... I think that if I actually post every day that my constant readers should send me money. like a tel-e-thon but with blogs. Since having to post every day when nothing is happening in my life SUCKS! I have nothing to write about. If I had anything to write about I would be too tired to write right now anyway. Cause babies? They like to wake you up at night. They think it is amusing. Plus pretty funny.

I am going to go to bed. Perhaps I shall sleep...... perchance to dream.... hell nah... I just want sum zzzzzsssssssssssssssss...............

Saturday, November 10, 2007

to do

to do lists suck. i make to do lists to help myself get off my ass and get things done. it is supposed to help me be proactive and visualize the work that needs to be done... blah blah blah..... really i think it is just depressing. it just shows how much i did NOT get done during the day. Maybe instead of a to do list i need to write an "I did" list at the end of each day. That way I can see what I accomplished. At the top of the list will be "brushed teeth" and maybe even "took shower" cause that's always a cause to celebrate when you have little kids.....

i am writing in my blog. that is today's accomplishment. i rock. (along with the twenty million other little things. but those don't count)

what did you do today? hmmmm?

Friday, November 9, 2007

It's just a day....

Nothin' interesting to blog about here today. The boy and the baby got on my last nerve. The girl still has not put dishes away. DH is at work. I have a headache. And lots and lots of housework to do. So. Just boring. The girl has a friend coming over tommorow to hang out. I need to get my house in some kind of order before holiday company arrives. Busy weekend ahead!

Later.
Quick post before bed. Update on the boy. He had his hearing test today at USM. They used a sound booth. He passed with no problems. So.... lets get on with the speech therapy says I. Hopefully they will call to schedule that soon.

I am exhausted and am going to go night night.

sleep tight, constant reader

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Trauma and tribulations

So, the boys got flu shots today. The baby was great. He just kinda whimpered for a minute and then was his usual smiling, giggly self. The boy..... high pitched shrieks and screams, struggles and I think he would have killed the nurse with his bare hands if I had let him. Poor guy.

Then, mommy dearest, in my infinite wisdom, decided that tonight was the night he was sleeping in THE BIG BOY BED. duh duh duh. Yeah. It so didn't work. He went completely hysterical. Screaming and crying. Sobbing uncontrollably. Sounding terrified. Needless to say, he is back in the crib. Need to rethink this. Maybe I will move the crib into the same room as the bed. One change at a time. Get used to a new room and THEN a new bed later. Not like he doesn't already have enough sleep issues without traumatizing him even more.

Anyway. Check out this site. http://www.freerice.com/index.php

Very cool. Very addictive. And very much for a good cause.

Any advice on switching a two year old from a crib to a bed?

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Boob picture

BTW... have you ever looked at that picture on my blog that says Facebook Sucks? That chick has a really great boob. No way is that her real boob when she is breast feeding. Maybe she got a boob double. Cause I gotta tell you.... my boobs do NOT look like that. Granted, three little shits suckin on those things kinda stretch em out.... but still. There are no scratch marks, stretch marks or any signs of humongous nipples or anything. So, I am forced to conclude that it is a fake boob.... just my thought for the evening.

blah blah blah

Today is another day. The boy had therapy. We had a play date. The girl got sick at school. The girl gave attitude and did not seem very sick once she was home. The man did not do much of anything. But he did cook dinner. The baby ate and cried and pooped.

The end.

Another scintillating installment of my life will be posted tomorrow.

Hopefully with more interesting type things to report.

And maybe I will have a sense of humor.

Perhaps the girl will not say mean things to me and hurt my feelings.

Maybe I will get enough sleep.

It could happen.

Don't laugh while you are trying to drink.

You could choke yourself.

And then I could get charged for contributing to the death of somebody. Or something.

Like I need that.

Gosh, try not to make my life any harder. Ok?

Monday, November 5, 2007

Smokin'......

So, today I went out to smoke my very first ciggy of the day. I have been sick as you might have read. And, of course, that means the beginnings of Bronchitis. So, I am out there smokin' and I start to cough. And I peed on myself! Just like when I was pregnant. Yuck. So, obviously I need to do two different things: exercise the hoo-ha and quit smoking. I will keep all updated on my progress with the helacious attempt to quit smoking. Again. If it doesn't take this time I might have to look into Chantix (sp) as I have heard very good stories about how well it works. Any thoughts or advice?

On a light note, I was watching tv and a show came on. It was talking about some guy in LA who does cosmetic surgery. On hoo-has. I am not kidding. A whole new vagina. A hoo-ha lift. A vaginoplasty. Nip and tuck to the extreme. Sorry. Don't think so. I don't even want to think about a clit ring.... much less some slicing and dicing down there! It's just a good thing that hubby likes the cootchy the way it is... but exercising never hurt anybody......

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Speech! Speech!

Browsing through some of my favorite blogs, I read a post by an absolutely hilarious mommy. It was all about the words her toddler says and what they mean. You can read it here: http://ourbabe.blogspot.com/2007/11/goldie-ese-primer.html

Kristen from Ready or Not is a rockin momma. She makes me laugh every day. But today, in between my laughter... I was crying. Because my boy. does. not. talk. like. that. It breaks my heart to try to understand him sometimes. And I know he is trying so hard. And all that comes out is something like "du-buy" or "du-whoa" which we have no clue what it means. And so he screams it over and over. And I just cannot decide if I want to strangle him or just hug him and cry. Because it is SO FRUSTRATING. I can't imagine how he must feel. No wonder he has tantrums. Can I have tantrums too?

Saturday, November 3, 2007

But, seriously....

Today was a day of running in place. I had all good intentions of doing laundry and dishes, folding clothes, cleaning off the bag of holding that is my kitchen bar, cooking dinner, unpacking boxes in the office and putting away clothes in my room. Unfortunately, the Fates conspired against me in the form of three little monsters. Well. One of them is not so little and she was not TOO monstrous. Just uncooperative. In the spirit of teaching her responsibility I have been giving her chores to do. This only backfires when it is something like putting dishes away and I do not give her a time limit to get it done. I waited all day to be able to do more dishes because my clean ones were not put away. She just does not understand prioritization. A new chore and incentive plan is in the works to allow me to live my life without having to constantly scream and nag. Well. One can hope.

So, I made lists of Christmas ideas for presents. And did 2 loads of laundry. Am still waiting to cook as I forgot to take meat out to defrost early enough. Did not get ANYthing unpacked and only got 1 load of clothes folded. There are 4 more waiting to be folded. Yuck. The boys just seem to make the day stream by ultra fast. It's like I am in slow motion and the rest of the world is fast forwarding before my eyes. Throw me a branch cause I think I am sinking fast.....

So... what is your LEAST FAVORITE chore to do around the house? I think mine is folding laundry (in case you couldn't tell that one) or maybe just unpacking! LOL

fuckety fuckety fuckety fuck bucket

I just like saying that.

Friday, November 2, 2007

And the hits keep on comin....

Well, H'ween was fab. The boy rocked out with the candy grabbin. He also thought it was great fun to run INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES. Well, they had a cat. Of course he had to go see it. All in all great fun was had by every one of us.

The oldest was sick for three days with the vomiting horror that is a stomach virus. She was well enough to go trick or treating though.

The sickness hit me and the boys the next day. Yuck. Aches and pains and head colds. Snot and phlegm and sweating and.... yeah. Bodily fluids, anyway. I am feeling somewhat better today and the older boy was not snotting quite as much so I am hoping he is over the worst of it. But, he was attempting to suck my soul out through my eyeballs today. Every time I turned around I saw him doing something he was not allowed to do. He spent the day getting into trouble. He pulled his brother off the couch, pushed him over every time he tried to stand up, pulled a small metal shelving unit over on himself (he is fine), dropped his sister's paint brushes through the cracks of the boards on the porch, threw his supper on the floor (well that's normal), took the cushions off the love seat so that he could stack them ON TOP of his brother and lay down, dumped out EVERY SINGLE toy he owns onto the floor, brought chalk in the house to write on mommy's legs, tried to climb inside the dish washer, taught his brother how to climb inside the dishwasher (I actually was watching this one and laughing), opened the fridge and got peanut butter cups out to eat as many as he could before I caught him (I think he made it to 5), took his diaper off and ran around the house naked, tried to type on the computer using his sippy cup, jumped off of the edge of the porch onto the concrete, snuck into the bedroom and shook the baby's bed to wake him up (the baby had already refused to nap most of the day) because he was not done playing with him yet, poured half a cup of my root beer onto his daddy's work pants and then the rest onto his brother's head, tore his favorite bedtime book into three pieces, climbed on top of back of the couch and jumped onto my head (not fun for those who were wondering) and...... well..... you can use your imagination for the rest of the day.

He went to bed early and is presently sleeping the sleep of the just and exhausted toddler. The baby is still screaming in his bed. The sleep training is not going well. He has not slept in his bed all day long except the fifteen minutes before his brother woke him up at about 3:30. I am about to give up for the night and just go get him because he is breaking my heart. He has sucked the energy out of me today.

Meanwhile, I am a snot fest myself and feel like I got hit by a mack truck. I am not very amusing this evening. Please forgive the list of horribleness that is my day today. Perhaps I will be able to post a little amusing story tomorrow to make you laugh.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

I suck.. and i am sick

This month... November... is National Blog Posting Month. So, I will be committing to post to my blog every single day this month. Ha says you. Think I can't do it? Maybe not.... but I am gonna try.

Halloween was great... i suck because I have no pics to post right now. Will one day when they get developed. I will take a moment to write in detail about all of the happenings of H'ween and the sickness of our home when the littlest one is not sucking my spine out through my boob.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Official Techno-babble Post

Yesterdays visit to the Child Development Clinic in Jackson resulted in the following diagnosis for the boy:

1. Borderline Microcephaly
2. Expressive Speech Disorder
3. Rule out hearing loss
4. Night Terrors
5. Temper Tantrums

(word for word from the official report)

The following plan was given to us:

1. Return to CDC for Psychological testing at age 3 yrs. Also to monitor cranium growth.
2. We will contact First Steps and ask them to enroll him in individual speech therapy.
3. Consider use of simultaneous sign language to stimulate speech and provide him a way to communicate. Begin with food signs, more and car.
4. Planned ignoring of tantrums
5. There's nothing that can be done about night terrors right now.
6. Obtain hearing evaluation.

Notice that there is no mention of AUTISM or ASD. The head of the department was part of his evaluation and assured me that there he does not have any form of ASD. We are VERY happy to hear this. Not that autism is as bad as some things. But I always doubt my ability to handle these types of problems.

With the diagnosis that he does have, we are hoping just 6 months with a speech therapist will get him back on track. As for the microcephaly (that means little head) they feel that it is not really a concern as his head has been growing at the same rate as his body. It hasn't STOPPED growing, he just has a smaller head than most kids his age. I always have called him a pinhead. No news to us. We get to start working with signs and also I have to redouble my efforts to label EVERYTHING. And talk to him constantly about whatever we see or do. To make sure that he is getting enough verbal stimulation or something like that.

So. I am happy with the way that the evaluation was handled. I am happy with the way the boy cooperated. I am happy with the diagnosis in that it has confirmed what I felt was the issue and denied what I feared was the issue. (??? You know what I mean!) All is good. I will go by First Steps today and give them a copy of this. Maybe we can get speech therapy started next week. That would so rock.

Today is the day my oldest gets her very first High School report card. And there are teacher conferences. So.... overall it should be an interesting day!

More at a later time....

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Atypical.....?

The boys behavioral teacher was here today. He does so well with her. She is always amazed at how compliant he is and well behaved. I just laugh. It is like a pod child. He is SO GOOD for her and SO BAD for me. Temper tantrums, constant no, refusal to participate in whatever I want him to do. Stubborn is what he is. That is probably all that is wrong with him! And his speech of course. But he did say "grapes" today without prompting. That was really cool. Of course, he came outside and I told him it was cold and he needed to go inside and he said "no I don't". LOL. I guess he can talk when he really wants to! Overall I am very happy with his progress so far. Just concerned that there might be more that I should be doing or more that I am not noticing that he has problems with. If that makes any sense.

I was reading another mom's blog last night. And one of the comments really hit home with me. One lady told this mom that "having atypical behaviors does not make your son any less extraordinary or fabulous". Wow. Atypical Behaviors. That's my boy! I like the way that is phrased. And it is true. He might be "atypical" in some ways but he is still the brightest and sweetest boy in the universe.

Another comment that got to me was that "just because your son has issues does not mean that you are a bad mom. You are the best mommy there is because you are getting your baby the help he needs." And that made me cry. I think that that is how I feel. Like I must have done something wrong. Or not done something. And it doesn't really matter how many times my mom or MIL or DH tell me I am a good mom, I still worry and stress out. There are so many ways to screw up your kids. And then when something IS "atypical" with your child, surely it must be your fault! I know, I know.... it's not. But.....

So, I hope that this evaluation goes well tomorrow. I am not hoping that nothing is wrong with him. What is, is. If nothing is wrong that that is just the icing on my cake. What I am hoping is that they are able to do a good, thorough evaluation so that if there IS something wrong, we can get him the help he needs. I think that that is a good thing to hope.

Meanwhile, the baby is trying to run away. He is now standing while holding on to things, crawling faster than the speed of mommy, and chewing on anything that gets in his way. He has the most gorgeous smile. It makes my whole day brighter when he grins at me. The sleep training is.... going. I won't say it is going well. But we are trying.

So, our days are filled with babble and balls and bubbles and boys galore. The girl is 13. Nuff said. Hahahahaha. I am sure I will hear about that one when she reads this post! Now I must go wash dishes. They don't wash themselves unfortunately.

Later.

Monday, October 22, 2007

This is Halloween....

So, no posts in a while. My daughter had a little pre-halloween sleep over with a friend and then my DH had some friends over for dinner. It was a weekend full of cleaning and eating. BUT..... Halloween is coming!

My big girl has put together a pretty cool costume. I think she is calling it a "vampire goddess" costume.

The boy is going to be "Indestructi-boy: Hero to Toddlers Everywhere". Which will be pretty much a cape and a t-shirt with a big I on the front. Maybe a mask if I can get him to leave it on. He thinks he is indestructible so it seemed appropriate. We thought about a cowboy costume but decided this would be easier in the long run.

The baby is going to be a monkey. It is too too cute.

Will hopefully have pics to post after the day. There will be trick or treating and a fall festival to attend. And then it is my anniversary! Yay! One whole married year down and many more to come.....

Will post more later.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Pictures of the Fambly

One of my friends said, "Girl, why don't you have any pictures on your blog?" So these are for her.....

This one is last Halloween at our wedding.... you can see the littlest if you squint. (He is in my belly)(get in my belly...)

This one is the middlest child. In August, right before his 2nd bday. Don't you just luuurrrrvvvvv that attitude?



This is the littlest. He was about 4 months old here.

This one is me with all three of my kiddos. Again, early August as I haven't gotten any recent pics onto the computer. Cause I just suck.


Hero performed by Michael Israel in New York

Wow.

Feelin' kinda cruddy

So, I have had this incredibly low key day today. And now I feel cruddy. So I will sit here and write about feeling cruddy. You might not want to read it. It will probably make you feel cruddy too. And then we will be cruddy together. Yes. Crugetherness.

I digress.

Basically, it is pouring buckets here and my body is feeling it. My joints are screaming at me. And the "I am a fat slob" depression has kicked in once again. Along with the "why can't I man up and quit smoking?" ass kicking. And the "God, my house is a fucking mess, why doesn't my hubby just divorce me already?" mantra. And then of course there is the ever popular "My child is lazy/ delayed/ insert problem here and I am a horrible mother." wail that is ever present.

But I did make red beans and rice for dinner. So all is not lost.

**sigh**

I guess I just need to take a bath and get some sleep. Hey, I think there is some vodka in the freezer! woot woot!

Anyway, tomorrow I will post some of my wonderful plans for straightening out my problems. I make great plans. Carrying them out is where the issue lies. Mom if you are reading this don't worry, I am fine! I am just feeling sorry for meself..... arghhh... (that was pirate talk)

On a bright note, my littlest one is pulling up to stand now. At 6 1/2 months. Wait.... is that a bright note or the signal to wail and hide my eyes in terror of two toddlers at once????? LOL. Seriously, he is soooooo cute. And the boy is doing much better with his speech and behavior issues. So it is all good. We had a nice day of playing with daddy today and tomorrow is a clean the house and chase each other day. No appointments that NEED to be kept. Hubby is working a double so I will have plenty of time to actually try to get the house clean before he sees it again. Ackkk.... also before the sleep over on Friday night. My daughter is having a friend over. Can't have her mom seeing the way I keep house. She might decide her daughter shouldn't stay over!!! LOL.

More tomorrow... I feel like Scarlet.... "For tomorrah is anothah day.."

Momsense

Check out this very amusing song/ video. My mom sent this to me and I almost died. How perfect.....

http://www.weshow.com/us/p/18999/anita_renfroe_total_momsense_song

Monday, October 15, 2007

Swannin' around town

**Sigh**

My feet hurt. And I am tie-red! But what a great day we had today! My friend Cindy and I organized this really cool little children's tour of downtown Hattiesburg. It was to view the painted swans that have been placed around town. There is a whole big long story behind these swans that basically boils down to revitalization of the city and bringing more revenue in... blah blah... boring to really chat about. The swans rock tho.

So months of planning and walking routes and figuring things out. Getting together goodie bags for kids and trying to get families to participate later.... we had a swan tour! About 12 families showed up and the kids ranged in age from my 6 month old up to my 13 yr old who got to skip school to volunteer as a kid wrangler. Mostly toddlers around 2 or 3 years old. We got to see 12 swans and meet artists. We discussed why swans were painted in certain ways. We played musical instruments while we marched from one swan to the next. We ate ice cream. We ran through sprinklers. We saw a fire truck! The firemen let the kids climb all over, around and in the truck and then gave them plastic fire helmets. And we talked and had fun. So, over all, I feel it was a success.

Oh. And Cindy-Bee tricked me into getting an award from the mayor. She told him I (ME) (I) was the spear head for the tour when really it was her. I just helped out and planned the route. But it was nice to meet the mayor and I have a pretty certificate now. Awww.....

Long day. All three of my little hellions behaved. J was a big help to some of the other moms and really enjoyed volunteering her time. Sometimes I think my kids really aren't as bad as they seem...... must be one of those pod-child days!

So, now, I am going to go and put my feet up. I actually have all 3 kids in bed and hubby is on the couch napping. I plan to eat chocolate and then do dishes. It is therapy day tomorrow. Must have clean house. I would hate to have the teacher see the way my house looks the rest of the week!!!!! LOL

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Leftovers, Laundry and Lunacy

Ack..... it's time to try to eat up some of those leftovers languishing in the fridge. There's leftover chicken parmigiana, leftover linguine, leftover mashed sweet potatoes, leftover potatoes Au gratin, one leftover cube steak and I don't know what else. I was planning to cook beef stew for dinner until I looked in the refrigerator and realized there was so much food just sitting in there! So..... hmmmm..... I guess I will make some nice fresh honey glazed smoked pork chops and we can eat up the leftover sides with them. And make some veggies. There, that's dinner solved.

Now for the laundry sitch.... my dryer is not working. And so I have laundry built up. I hate to go to the laundromat just to dry clothes and have to drag the kids in and it is SUCH A HASSLE. So, I bought a new line to put up out back and have been hanging out clothes to dry. It works great. I might actually not bother to get the dryer fixed right away. I bet our electric bill will be lower this month. It just takes longer to dry so I need to make sure I do laundry every day.

And lunacy..... that's a given at my house! The baby has decided that he doesn't want to sleep in his bed. Every time I put him in there he wakes up and cries heart brokenly. So, I have not gotten much sleep over the past few nights. Even when I bring him in bed with us, I still can't sleep good. So, I am sleep deprived once more. Hence the boring and mundane post of the day. J is trying to clean her room. And the boy refused a nap today and just played in his bed for two hours. At which point you kinda have to just let them get up. So, I guess he gets to go to bed early tonight! I am also in the midst of trying to sort through baby clothes, put away boxes of clothes in my room, unpack some junk boxes and straighten out the boys' room. I guess I should probably get back to work and see if I can actually get anything done.....

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Child Development Nightmare

My husband and I took our 2 year old to the doctor for a checkup today. At his 2 year apt. he was referred to Early Intervention for a speech delay and some behavior issues. We set up appointments and he was evaluated and a teacher/ therapist has been coming to work with him once a week. We see some progress.

Then I got a letter from the University of Mississippi Child Development Center in Jackson saying that we have an appointment to have the boy evaluated by a pediatric development specialist and a behavioral specialist person (can't remember the exact titles). So, I asked the doctor today if this is something we need to do since he is already being seen through early intervention. He says yes. That he really would rather that he have the more in depth evaluation. To rule out any developmental causes for his speech delay and behavior probs.

So now I am trying not to panic.

I had just gotten myself calmed down when EI told us they saw no signs of Autism or other major problems and no physical reasons for the speech delay. BUT.... this is a really big deal appointment. It usually takes months and months to get an appointment here. And they fit us in within two months of the referral. WTF? what is this supposed to say to me? IS there something the Dr sees that I don't? Or is this just his way of making some extra bucks off of MS Medicaid? No idea..... trying to just be calm.

The appointment is coming up in 2 weeks. It is a 2 hour drive to Jackson. We have to be there at 830 am. The evaluation will take 4 HOURS!!!!!!!! And then the drive home. So, we get to drag a 2 year old and a six month old out of the house for an 8 - 9 hour day. Blaagggghhhhh.....

On a lighter note, the boy participated in a nice little play date at the park today. The kids blew bubbles and played with balloons. Two of his favorite things to do. Major coolness factor for him. Littlest boy was pretty thrilled with the bubbles as well.

I guess I should give fake, cyber safe names to the little kiddos...... so, middlest child shall be Buddy or the boy. Littlest is the baby or well..... the baby for now. Biggest one is J. And DH is DH. And me? I am SUPER MOM!!!!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-hah..... I wish......

Monday, October 8, 2007

Life of a momster part two

Now... where was I? Oh! Last year my hubby and I got married on Halloween in FL at my mother's home. The wedding was one great big costume party blow out. It was awesome. Then we got to come back to MS and try to move all of our stuff to this little house we found. It was way out in the boonies and was a 100 year old farm house. So, you can read that to mean: no insulation, no heat or A/C and no pest control. It was... interesting. We spent the next 9 months in this house. The winter was bad but we had electric heaters and blankets. The stove/ oven did not work as the gas lines were so old that the gas company would not hook up a tank. We used an electric skillet, burners and a microwave to cook with. And a toaster oven, crock pot and gas grill (outside). It made for challenging dinner preparations.

When things started to warm up we discovered another interesting quirk to the house from hell. Mice. And no AC in a house with no insulation. It was horrible. So, we started trying to find something that would work better for us.

Eventually, DH got a raise and we found a place that would work out financially for us. We now live in a brick house with heat and AC, a fireplace and enough room for all of the kids and all of our numerous boxes of STUFF. DH and the daughter are pack rats. It is something to behold. We moved in to the new place in early August and I am starting to get a handle on the unpacking finally. I think. Maybe.

I haven't yet touched on the trials and tribulations of birthing a new baby with a 19 month old running around, the boy ending up in the ER and then having dental surgery, the sleep deprivation, the struggles to find a schedule or the speech therapy/ behavior therapy for boy #1.

Much meat for the postings to come.

Right now I am trying to get my 6 month old to sleep. We are working on getting him to go to sleep on his own without rocking or nursing. It is tearing my heart out to hear him crying. Not sure if I am up to this one. The 2 year old is asleep and the teen is in her room supposedly getting ready to go to bed. DH is at work for another half hour. NOW I might have time to do some dishes. Or clean the living room. Or fold clothes. Or maybe even unpack a box of STUFF. Nah. There goes the littlest one again. I will probably end up going and getting him out of bed. Bad mommy.

More at a later date.....

About the momster

So, a little about me. I am a 33 year old stay at home mom to 3 beautiful children. The stay at home part was not planned AT ALL. I enjoy it and am glad to have the chance to watch my children grow but I am definitely not used to being at home and not at work. It is the hardest job I could ever imagine having. The most rewarding in some ways and the one with the least amount of glory or appreciation.

I grew up in Gainesville, FL and lived in the area my whole life. I never expected to really live any where else. I got pregnant at 19 and had a wonderful girl. I raised her as a single mom with the help of my parents. Thanks mom! She is now 13 and is a great kid. When she was about 9 I met this guy. It was funny because I was SOOOOOO not looking to settle down with anyone.... but he just hung around until I realized I was in love. I introduced my daughter to him and we moved in to his apartment. About 6 months later I found out I was pregnant. Now, we had talked about having more children in the future but that was the FUTURE.... not exactly the way we planned it. But then, is it ever? So, our little boy was born in August of 2005. He is a wild and crazy 2 year old now and makes his mamas hair go gray more and more each day.

When the boy was about 6 months old we started exploring an opportunity to move to Mississippi. This was a weird time. My husband has been a professional chef for more than 20 years. He had a bad experience with a restaurant that he helped open and decided he didn't want to cook anymore. So, he started working construction with a friend of his. This friend decided to move to MS to take advantage of the many opportunities for work that Hurricane Katrina had left behind. So, we made a tough decision. Things were financially not doing well for us in FL, we were having lots of stress and tension in our relationship with each other and with our daughter and I was really wanting to get a fresh start. We moved to MS with high expectations of lots of well payed construction jobs, a great future and good times.

It didn't quite work out that way.

I left a well paid job as a fiscal supervisor for a hospital gift shop and ended up only able to find a job as an assistant manager in a dollar store that paid $7 an hour. I ask you. $7 an hour? That didn't even pay day care and gas. So, I ended up at home with the son. My daughter stayed in FL to finish the school year and then ended up moving up sooner as she was miserable. And then proceeded to be miserable here. And make us miserable as well. She was so NOT HAPPY. My DH ended up with work issues as his boss was not as well informed about the construction situation here as he thought he was. They struggled to find work and then ended up working for an unscrupulous contractor who screwed them out of quite a bit of money. We struggled to keep our bills paid and tried to make it work.

Then I found out I was pregnant again.

You might ask: Wow, hasn't this woman figured out where babies come from yet? Well, yes. And I enjoy the practice. But, birth control fell through. And we were pregnant once again before the boy was a year old. Wow. I was pretty overwhelmed. So was DH. The boy turned one and we kept trying to figure out ways to make more money to get things straightened out.

Then we got evicted.

No kidding.

It sucked.

What were we supposed to do? We were supposed to be getting married in a month (in FL) and I was pregnant again. And we had 2 kids to worry about already. Not a pretty scene. We basically decided to give it until the end of October when we were going to FL to get married and if we did not have a) a steady income and b) an affordable place to live then we were going back to FL to admit defeat and throw ourselves on the mercy of our families. We ended up living in a big 3000 sq foot warehouse for the next month. It was very odd. But, it had a bathroom with a shower, an area for the fridge and microwave, etc. And the kids were clean and safe. So, DH went looking for work that would be more financially stable than the construction business and ended up as a chef once again. HE found work right away and we ended up finding a house that we could afford to rent. We left our stuff in the warehouse and headed to FL at the end of October to get married.

And that brings us up to last year at this time.

duh duh duh

I will post the next installment in "This is my life" at a later time. The baby is crying. The toddler is looking at me like I am insane. The teen is asking if she can use the computer. And I think my dinner is about to burn.

Later.

Anniversary


So my husband and I will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary on Halloween this year. Yes, we got married on Halloween. It was a blast! But I wanted to take this opportunity (before I talk trash) to say how much I love my DH. He is a great man, a wonderful husband and a fabulous father. So now, let the bashing begin! LOL.

Bloggin' in the house...

OK. So, I have wanted to start a blog for some time now. So, I am going to give it a shot and see what happens. Keep in mind that I am the mom of three kids.... that means my mind is sucked out by their demands on a regular basis. I don't guarantee anything resembling clever, amusing, deep or philosophical posts. Basically, this will be my journal. To help me keep myself sane and my kids alive... just kidding! I am in need of somewhere to rant and somewhere to vent without driving my poor husband to distraction. So... here goes... hope it's not too boring!