Thursday, November 15, 2007

Not done yet

I guess I am not done yet. I should be cleaning my house or folding clothes. But I need this time for myself. I need to reconnect with myself and my emotions. I am feeling very weepy and emotional tonight. I know why and I will get to that soon enough. But, I have to say that part of it is the fact that my mommy is coming to see me. I will get to hug her and cry on her shoulder for the first time in a while. Last time she was here we were moving. It was so crazy that we didn't really get time to just visit. And the time before that was a quick jaunt to FL to drop off the eldest and we didn't really get much face time. And the time before that I was having a baby. And the time before that was LAST THANKSGIVING!!!! The last time I really got a chance to sit and have coffee and have face to face conversation with my mother was a year ago. That makes me sad. And she will be here in less than two days and I can not wait. Cause Mommy needs a hug. And a cuddle. Things have been so hard for us over the last year. And so tiring. Sometimes I get tired of being the strong one. The one who tries to hold it all together. Sometimes I wish I could just go to work for 14 hours a day and not worry about anything else. And sometimes I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head because, dear god, I really need some time to myself. To recharge. To remember who I am other than a wife and mother. And my mommy will kiss me and make it all better. So there.

I was reading a blog by another mommy earlier. This mommy has inflammatory breast cancer. One day she was breastfeeding her baby. The next she was diagnosed with cancer. And now she is going through chemo and radiation and still trying to be the strong mommy. Wow. I cannot even imagine how she has the strength to do what she does. Reading this blog made me realize that I need to spend more time appreciating my children and enjoying the time I have with them. Because you just never know what is around the corner.

So... to hell with the dust bunnies (OK, they are more like dust monkeys right now) and to hell with the laundry (it's clean... if you need something look in the basket) and to hell with trying to unpack and have a perfect house. I am going to spend tonight recharging my batteries so that I can enjoy my children. Enjoy them the way that they should be enjoyed. With love and laughter and butterfly kisses and raspberries on the belly.

And now I am done.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

My dear sweet child, I too feel the need to have face to face time with my youngest. You are right, we have not really had time for that in a long time. That is what I am looking forward to the most. Coffee and just long visits and getting caught up on "you" and how things really are. Time for you to tell me in person about your day to day life and all the wonderful things the kids bring to your life with Steve. Looking forward to seeing him as well! See you tomorrow!!!! I love you. Mom

Jen said...

Awwwww....Mama, we love you.