Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sleep is the food of the gods

So, for any of you who were not aware, my two boys have sleep issues. The youngest just come from being little. The oldest boy has NEVER slept good. I have not had a full 8 hours of sleep in about 2 and a half years. I swear. Well, maybe once. But not for a while. Then...... the boy started to sleep in his toddler bed. And loves it. So, I decided to go full force on the sleep training of the youngest. And moved him out of our bedroom. And he loves it. He slept for 12 hours straight last night. TWELVE HOURS!!!! So, I got to sleep for about 8 1/2 UNINTERRUPTED hours. OMFG. The joy. The pure joy. I feel like a whole new woman. And they have been doing this for like a week and a half now. So, I am actually able to think. OMFG

But....without night feedings, my boobs are like overfilled balloons. Totally boobalicious and yummy looking. But they are definitely overfull. And baby boy was all like "I'm full, take it away" after only nursing on one boob. So now I am lopsided. It's pretty funny. But it doesn't feel so great. I need to find the breast pump......

I'm Alive!!!!!!

I'm here, I'm here! I am alive and sane and in one piece! Promise! My mom and MIL and niece were here for a week. Thanksgiving was fab. Lots of food and we all made pigs of ourselves. Lots of great relaxing and being together and hugs and the grands got to enjoy the kids without the hectic running to and fro that the last visits have been. So... a great week but I did not have the time to post so I suck. Sorry. hehe

more later.... the boy is on the potty.... have to see if he has succeeded in making a tinkle yet.....

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Not done yet

I guess I am not done yet. I should be cleaning my house or folding clothes. But I need this time for myself. I need to reconnect with myself and my emotions. I am feeling very weepy and emotional tonight. I know why and I will get to that soon enough. But, I have to say that part of it is the fact that my mommy is coming to see me. I will get to hug her and cry on her shoulder for the first time in a while. Last time she was here we were moving. It was so crazy that we didn't really get time to just visit. And the time before that was a quick jaunt to FL to drop off the eldest and we didn't really get much face time. And the time before that I was having a baby. And the time before that was LAST THANKSGIVING!!!! The last time I really got a chance to sit and have coffee and have face to face conversation with my mother was a year ago. That makes me sad. And she will be here in less than two days and I can not wait. Cause Mommy needs a hug. And a cuddle. Things have been so hard for us over the last year. And so tiring. Sometimes I get tired of being the strong one. The one who tries to hold it all together. Sometimes I wish I could just go to work for 14 hours a day and not worry about anything else. And sometimes I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head because, dear god, I really need some time to myself. To recharge. To remember who I am other than a wife and mother. And my mommy will kiss me and make it all better. So there.

I was reading a blog by another mommy earlier. This mommy has inflammatory breast cancer. One day she was breastfeeding her baby. The next she was diagnosed with cancer. And now she is going through chemo and radiation and still trying to be the strong mommy. Wow. I cannot even imagine how she has the strength to do what she does. Reading this blog made me realize that I need to spend more time appreciating my children and enjoying the time I have with them. Because you just never know what is around the corner.

So... to hell with the dust bunnies (OK, they are more like dust monkeys right now) and to hell with the laundry (it's clean... if you need something look in the basket) and to hell with trying to unpack and have a perfect house. I am going to spend tonight recharging my batteries so that I can enjoy my children. Enjoy them the way that they should be enjoyed. With love and laughter and butterfly kisses and raspberries on the belly.

And now I am done.

....the smell of baby

I spent some time today holding my baby and just looking at him. I don't do that nearly enough. He laid in my arms and stopped nursing, let go of the nipple and just stared at me. It was a very sweet moment. The softness of his baby skin against my breast, the strength in his fingers as they grabbed mine, the peace and love and innocence in his eyes, the smell... the smell of baby. That sweet, soft, cuddlesome smell of baby that only lasts a short time. Oh! The love I feel for this baby is so big it makes my heart ache. It wells up in me at the oddest times. He makes my heart sing and fly and float. He makes me happy that I am a mommy first. A mommy foremost. And a mommy of three. I thank whatever deity there is that when we found out we were pregnant again... we made the right choice.

I love my other children. The same weird welling up of love happens when I gaze at them when they don't realize. When they have no idea that I am watching and memorizing every moment of their childhood. It only lasts a heartbeat before it is gone.

My daughter makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She makes me so very proud that I want to show her off to the whole world. She makes me want to cuddle her and comfort her. There is a connection between a mother and a daughter that is strength and independence combined with a little pinky hug. I know that this young woman will be someone very special. She will grow into a woman who I would be proud to call a friend. And I have loved her every second she has been alive. She is the child of my girlhood. The one who has helped me to become the woman I am today. I don't know if she will ever be able to understand the way that I love her. And no other child could ever replace or change the way that I feel for her. It is a different kind of "mother-love" because of having her so young. It has made us closer in some ways and more distant in others. But the love is strong and gentle. It is peaceful and turbulent. It is the love of a mother for the one who MADE HER a mother... and a thankfulness that she came into my life. There are times that I struggle with understanding her. And allowing her to grow but still be supportive. And there are times that I cry for her, because of her and with her. I wish so much that I could change the way the world is and make it easier for her. Make the bullys and the assholes turn into decent human beings. Make the world accepting of differences in people and make my daughter have an easier and happier time in high school. But I can't change the world. I can't change my daughter. I can only change myself. I struggle to show my daughter a good roll model. I don't think that I have done this as well as I could have. I struggle to not be hypocritical or judgmental. I don't always succeed. I struggle to not lose my temper. I usually fail at this one. But I hope that through it all.... she knows I love her.

My son is all boy. He is the one who makes me belly laugh. Who also makes me cry in my bed at night for the pain and the struggles he has to go through. They may be minor when compared to so many children but this is MY SON and it hurts to see him struggle and stumble. He is such a big boy in so many ways but still wants mommy to hold him and hug him. He brings me his books at night and asks for a massage in the only way he can.... by laying down and saying "foot". (Yes, a new word!) He cuddles in his big boy bed and holds his own baby doll and I can see in his eyes that he wants me to lay with him and baby him. And sometimes I do.... because he is still my baby, too. He makes me proud to be the mommy of a strong boy who will grow up to be a strong man. With his father's sense of humor! When he lays his head on my chest and wraps his arms around my neck all I can think is how sweet the moment is... and then he is gone. Running, jumping, screaming, playing, doing everything he can as fast and as furious as he can. What a little man he is.... my incredible, wonderful, manic little man.

And back again to my baby. The last one if things go the way we have discussed them. This is the time I will miss the most when this baby is grown. This time of softness and sweetness and innocence and hope. The smell of baby and the soft baby skin and hair. The pure, unadulterated trust and love in their eyes. It makes me want to fall down on the floor... the power of that trust. The promise of love forever. And I so want to never, ever let my baby be hurt. I never, ever, ever want to have to see this baby hurt and rush him to the ER like his brother. I never want him to come home from school crying like his sister. I want his childhood to be peaceful and joyous. But, I can't wrap him up in bubbles. And I can't live his life for him. All mothers know..... you have to let them go and let them grow. Let them be who they are.

But for now..... he is just my baby......

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

potty all night long

Beginnings of breakthrough in the potty training situation..... The Boy went peepee TWICE in his potty today! Yay! It's the simple things that make us happy.....

Nothin much else goin on here today. Cleanin', cookin', playin' and not much else. No cute and/or funny anecdotes to share. BUT... I posted in my blog! Yay me! hahahahahahaha

More at a later date....

Monday, November 12, 2007

Sleepin the sleep of the just

Ahhhhh...... the big boy is sleeping in his real big boy bed tonight. I was actually able to get him to go to sleep in it without freaking out. Now we will see if he stays in it or wakes up and wanders tonight. I was planning on moving the baby's bed out of our bedroom tonight but I might wait until tomorrow night after I find the baby monitor. Makes me kinda nervous thinking about him all by himself with no monitor. I don't think i would hear him in another room. But I am very very excited about the boy in his toddler bed. Keeping our fingers crossed it works out good and we can move the baby into the crib soon.....

More tomorrow....

Sunday, November 11, 2007


So... I think that if I actually post every day that my constant readers should send me money. like a tel-e-thon but with blogs. Since having to post every day when nothing is happening in my life SUCKS! I have nothing to write about. If I had anything to write about I would be too tired to write right now anyway. Cause babies? They like to wake you up at night. They think it is amusing. Plus pretty funny.

I am going to go to bed. Perhaps I shall sleep...... perchance to dream.... hell nah... I just want sum zzzzzsssssssssssssssss...............

Saturday, November 10, 2007

to do

to do lists suck. i make to do lists to help myself get off my ass and get things done. it is supposed to help me be proactive and visualize the work that needs to be done... blah blah blah..... really i think it is just depressing. it just shows how much i did NOT get done during the day. Maybe instead of a to do list i need to write an "I did" list at the end of each day. That way I can see what I accomplished. At the top of the list will be "brushed teeth" and maybe even "took shower" cause that's always a cause to celebrate when you have little kids.....

i am writing in my blog. that is today's accomplishment. i rock. (along with the twenty million other little things. but those don't count)

what did you do today? hmmmm?

Friday, November 9, 2007

It's just a day....

Nothin' interesting to blog about here today. The boy and the baby got on my last nerve. The girl still has not put dishes away. DH is at work. I have a headache. And lots and lots of housework to do. So. Just boring. The girl has a friend coming over tommorow to hang out. I need to get my house in some kind of order before holiday company arrives. Busy weekend ahead!

Quick post before bed. Update on the boy. He had his hearing test today at USM. They used a sound booth. He passed with no problems. So.... lets get on with the speech therapy says I. Hopefully they will call to schedule that soon.

I am exhausted and am going to go night night.

sleep tight, constant reader

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Trauma and tribulations

So, the boys got flu shots today. The baby was great. He just kinda whimpered for a minute and then was his usual smiling, giggly self. The boy..... high pitched shrieks and screams, struggles and I think he would have killed the nurse with his bare hands if I had let him. Poor guy.

Then, mommy dearest, in my infinite wisdom, decided that tonight was the night he was sleeping in THE BIG BOY BED. duh duh duh. Yeah. It so didn't work. He went completely hysterical. Screaming and crying. Sobbing uncontrollably. Sounding terrified. Needless to say, he is back in the crib. Need to rethink this. Maybe I will move the crib into the same room as the bed. One change at a time. Get used to a new room and THEN a new bed later. Not like he doesn't already have enough sleep issues without traumatizing him even more.

Anyway. Check out this site.

Very cool. Very addictive. And very much for a good cause.

Any advice on switching a two year old from a crib to a bed?

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Boob picture

BTW... have you ever looked at that picture on my blog that says Facebook Sucks? That chick has a really great boob. No way is that her real boob when she is breast feeding. Maybe she got a boob double. Cause I gotta tell you.... my boobs do NOT look like that. Granted, three little shits suckin on those things kinda stretch em out.... but still. There are no scratch marks, stretch marks or any signs of humongous nipples or anything. So, I am forced to conclude that it is a fake boob.... just my thought for the evening.

blah blah blah

Today is another day. The boy had therapy. We had a play date. The girl got sick at school. The girl gave attitude and did not seem very sick once she was home. The man did not do much of anything. But he did cook dinner. The baby ate and cried and pooped.

The end.

Another scintillating installment of my life will be posted tomorrow.

Hopefully with more interesting type things to report.

And maybe I will have a sense of humor.

Perhaps the girl will not say mean things to me and hurt my feelings.

Maybe I will get enough sleep.

It could happen.

Don't laugh while you are trying to drink.

You could choke yourself.

And then I could get charged for contributing to the death of somebody. Or something.

Like I need that.

Gosh, try not to make my life any harder. Ok?

Monday, November 5, 2007


So, today I went out to smoke my very first ciggy of the day. I have been sick as you might have read. And, of course, that means the beginnings of Bronchitis. So, I am out there smokin' and I start to cough. And I peed on myself! Just like when I was pregnant. Yuck. So, obviously I need to do two different things: exercise the hoo-ha and quit smoking. I will keep all updated on my progress with the helacious attempt to quit smoking. Again. If it doesn't take this time I might have to look into Chantix (sp) as I have heard very good stories about how well it works. Any thoughts or advice?

On a light note, I was watching tv and a show came on. It was talking about some guy in LA who does cosmetic surgery. On hoo-has. I am not kidding. A whole new vagina. A hoo-ha lift. A vaginoplasty. Nip and tuck to the extreme. Sorry. Don't think so. I don't even want to think about a clit ring.... much less some slicing and dicing down there! It's just a good thing that hubby likes the cootchy the way it is... but exercising never hurt anybody......

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Speech! Speech!

Browsing through some of my favorite blogs, I read a post by an absolutely hilarious mommy. It was all about the words her toddler says and what they mean. You can read it here:

Kristen from Ready or Not is a rockin momma. She makes me laugh every day. But today, in between my laughter... I was crying. Because my boy. does. not. talk. like. that. It breaks my heart to try to understand him sometimes. And I know he is trying so hard. And all that comes out is something like "du-buy" or "du-whoa" which we have no clue what it means. And so he screams it over and over. And I just cannot decide if I want to strangle him or just hug him and cry. Because it is SO FRUSTRATING. I can't imagine how he must feel. No wonder he has tantrums. Can I have tantrums too?

Saturday, November 3, 2007

But, seriously....

Today was a day of running in place. I had all good intentions of doing laundry and dishes, folding clothes, cleaning off the bag of holding that is my kitchen bar, cooking dinner, unpacking boxes in the office and putting away clothes in my room. Unfortunately, the Fates conspired against me in the form of three little monsters. Well. One of them is not so little and she was not TOO monstrous. Just uncooperative. In the spirit of teaching her responsibility I have been giving her chores to do. This only backfires when it is something like putting dishes away and I do not give her a time limit to get it done. I waited all day to be able to do more dishes because my clean ones were not put away. She just does not understand prioritization. A new chore and incentive plan is in the works to allow me to live my life without having to constantly scream and nag. Well. One can hope.

So, I made lists of Christmas ideas for presents. And did 2 loads of laundry. Am still waiting to cook as I forgot to take meat out to defrost early enough. Did not get ANYthing unpacked and only got 1 load of clothes folded. There are 4 more waiting to be folded. Yuck. The boys just seem to make the day stream by ultra fast. It's like I am in slow motion and the rest of the world is fast forwarding before my eyes. Throw me a branch cause I think I am sinking fast.....

So... what is your LEAST FAVORITE chore to do around the house? I think mine is folding laundry (in case you couldn't tell that one) or maybe just unpacking! LOL

fuckety fuckety fuckety fuck bucket

I just like saying that.

Friday, November 2, 2007

And the hits keep on comin....

Well, H'ween was fab. The boy rocked out with the candy grabbin. He also thought it was great fun to run INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES. Well, they had a cat. Of course he had to go see it. All in all great fun was had by every one of us.

The oldest was sick for three days with the vomiting horror that is a stomach virus. She was well enough to go trick or treating though.

The sickness hit me and the boys the next day. Yuck. Aches and pains and head colds. Snot and phlegm and sweating and.... yeah. Bodily fluids, anyway. I am feeling somewhat better today and the older boy was not snotting quite as much so I am hoping he is over the worst of it. But, he was attempting to suck my soul out through my eyeballs today. Every time I turned around I saw him doing something he was not allowed to do. He spent the day getting into trouble. He pulled his brother off the couch, pushed him over every time he tried to stand up, pulled a small metal shelving unit over on himself (he is fine), dropped his sister's paint brushes through the cracks of the boards on the porch, threw his supper on the floor (well that's normal), took the cushions off the love seat so that he could stack them ON TOP of his brother and lay down, dumped out EVERY SINGLE toy he owns onto the floor, brought chalk in the house to write on mommy's legs, tried to climb inside the dish washer, taught his brother how to climb inside the dishwasher (I actually was watching this one and laughing), opened the fridge and got peanut butter cups out to eat as many as he could before I caught him (I think he made it to 5), took his diaper off and ran around the house naked, tried to type on the computer using his sippy cup, jumped off of the edge of the porch onto the concrete, snuck into the bedroom and shook the baby's bed to wake him up (the baby had already refused to nap most of the day) because he was not done playing with him yet, poured half a cup of my root beer onto his daddy's work pants and then the rest onto his brother's head, tore his favorite bedtime book into three pieces, climbed on top of back of the couch and jumped onto my head (not fun for those who were wondering) and...... well..... you can use your imagination for the rest of the day.

He went to bed early and is presently sleeping the sleep of the just and exhausted toddler. The baby is still screaming in his bed. The sleep training is not going well. He has not slept in his bed all day long except the fifteen minutes before his brother woke him up at about 3:30. I am about to give up for the night and just go get him because he is breaking my heart. He has sucked the energy out of me today.

Meanwhile, I am a snot fest myself and feel like I got hit by a mack truck. I am not very amusing this evening. Please forgive the list of horribleness that is my day today. Perhaps I will be able to post a little amusing story tomorrow to make you laugh.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

I suck.. and i am sick

This month... November... is National Blog Posting Month. So, I will be committing to post to my blog every single day this month. Ha says you. Think I can't do it? Maybe not.... but I am gonna try.

Halloween was great... i suck because I have no pics to post right now. Will one day when they get developed. I will take a moment to write in detail about all of the happenings of H'ween and the sickness of our home when the littlest one is not sucking my spine out through my boob.