Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Overwhelmed and Underblogged

Between Facebook and real life, this blog sure has suffered this Summer! LOL

Braeden's first day of Kindergarten... almost a month late! But better late than never, right?

Things are going.... well. He has one or two yellow behavior days each week which is no surprise to me. Yellow means some behavior issues but nothing extreme. Mostly he is having problems with transitions and noncompliance. Same ol same ol. His teacher is going to start documenting all behavior issues for his ABA therapist so we can see exactly what is going on.

I have a meeting on Thursday afternoon with all of his "specials" teachers. Art, music, etc. Now I just have to figure out exactly what I want to talk to them about, etc. *sigh*

SO much of my time lately is spent wondering if I am doing the right things for him. And I have a feeling that that will never go away. Questioning myself as a parent sucks.

Malachai has a doctor's appointment on Thursday morning. He has low iron and we want to get some extra blood work done to check it out. Steven has pernicious anemia so we hope this is not an early indication that Mal has it as well. When I am at the doctor's I am also requesting a referral for Malachai to the same office that evaluated Braeden. I need to know if Mal's issues are just learned behaviors or if we are looking at him having issues as well.

So. A fun filled week ahead!

What have y'all been up to? I need to make it by to visit blogs today.... catch ya later!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Internetz... why haz u forzaken me????

My modem got fried in the horrible storm we had tonight. We may be without ta internetz for most of this week. OR I may be able to get us up and running tomorrow. I drove around and found a wifi connection tonight to be able to take care of a few things but tomorrow is a busy day anyway. I hope to be back online and visiting blogs and writing here by Thursday afternoon...

Hope everyone else had better luck in any storms today!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Shining Moments of Joy

Joy blossoms full

dependent upon no specific action

spreading within my soul

shining through my spirit

in moments

captured in time

Swinging with my head back, hair streaming, eyes closed, heart open

to possibilities

First rush of infatuation, heat blooming, blushes and flirting

Heart enraptured, captured by the tiny hand of a newborn

Wedding day jitters, calmed by the sight of the man waiting for me as I walk towards our future

Cool breezes full of salt smell, warm sand beneath my feet, sun baking my worries away

Shrill laughter, quiet giggles and belly laughs as children play and dream

Damp earth beneath my knees and within my grasp as I plant new growth in the ground

Dew seeping through my clothing as I lay in the grass and dream

Huge harvest moon lighting my way through midnight's darkness

Running, stretching, muscles burning, feeling my body work as it is meant to

Rich chocolate bliss melting upon my tongue

Crisp sheets still warm from the sun, smelling of the breezes that dried them

Deep red wine swirling in a crystal glass, dry and tart within my mouth

Sticky boy kisses and dirty boy hugs, the sweet smell of a baby just after a bath

Snuggling on a lazy morning, safe, warm and loved

Belly laughs, silly movies and inside jokes that no one else understands

Seeing my daughter grow to be the woman I believe she can be, confident, independent, happy

Gazing at the night sky, unexpected shooting stars bringing wishes


Shining moments

captured in time

bringing joy

all unexpected.

“This post is part of SOYJOY‘s What brings you joy contest. Learn more here.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Wingmen Unite!

The youngest Wingman of Mayhem is following in his brother's footsteps. He makes us all proud...

He is sitting in my foot spa. His brother helped him fill it with water and soap and then they turned it on. I laughed my ass off when I saw it! He really liked the bubbles and the vibration on his behind!


I am diligently working to fall in love with myself. I haven't loved myself for some time now.... I need to remember who I am that makes me special.

My mother and mother in law are coming to visit for a week as they bring my lovely daughter home. She has been away all summer and I miss her! But one of the things I am planning to try to do while they are here over the next week is take some time for myself. Just to be with me.

Maybe I will have some happier posts soon!

Here is to reconnecting with my soul, reconfirming my self and finding that spot within that needs some love and giving it a hug.

Catch ya on the flip side!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Beyond Facebook: The return of the blogger

I know, I know, I know! I can't seem to get back in my groove. And when I do post it just seems to be depressing and morose and all those other words that mean you may want to stick your head in a meat grinder. Or at least a toilet.

So here I am again. With some more news about the eldest Wingman of Mayhem. And some more depressing shit. And some teary confessions. And maybe even some anger.

Feel free to hit the next blog on your list. If you keep reading.... thanks for being here. No promises about what the future holds for this blog. It has always been a way to share the news of my life with my family and also a journal to document what I am thinking and feeling. It is awesome when people read. I LURV comments. But lately I have been so damn depressed that it is all I can do to get off the couch and take care of my kids. The blog just did not seem like a realistic expectation of myself. Although it might have helped to get it all out.... who knows.

Anyway. Enough excuses and rambling. On with the meat.

Braeden's IEP went well. I wasn't 100% happy with the outcome but I feel like it is the best we can expect right now. It's like a little book mark. Holding his place until we see how he does.

He was placed in a self contained DD kindergarten. A SPED classroom.

There is one full time teacher and one full time aid. There are 10 other kids in the class. All of them are supposed to be at about the same level behaviorally. The more extreme behaviorally challenged children (is that PC? I don't want to offend anyone) are all in a separate class. The kids join the mainstream classes for specials like music and art.

He will receive two half hour sessions of speech therapy each week at school. The Occupational Therapist will consult with his teacher monthly to see if is progressing or needs to be further evaluated for OT. Same with behavioral therapy.

He is receiving two 45 minute sessions of speech therapy with a private speech pathologist after school. He is also receiving one one hour session of ABA therapy each week after school.

His first day of Kindergarten was weird. The school here has a staggered start schedule. All of the children with last names starting A to..... something go to school on Monday, and then then do not go back until Thursday. Some kids go Tuesday and then Thursday and some kids go Wednesday and then Thursday. Just for the first week.

So, he only had 2 other kids in class with him on Monday. He also screamed and fought when I left him. And the teacher told me later that he cried for quite some time but eventually calmed down. When I picked him up he told me he had had a good day but he "was no go back to that school". He was "too too scared" and he "wouldn't like it". *sigh*

I talked to his teacher on Wednesday and got to get to know her a little bit. I feel comfortable with her. She told me Braeden was smart and very sweet. Also very lovable. Nothing new to me! LOL

Thursday morning rolls around. I was anticipating a full scale meltdown. He got dressed in his uniform, loaded up in the van and proceeded to ask me for the entire drive to school "are we there yet?" The ENTIRE drive. When he saw the school he was excited. He went in and showed me his classroom. Then, he started to run to his teacher and hug her. He stopped and hid behind me. But it was encouraging! He had a great day Thursday. No tears.

Today was an even better day! He has not stopped talking about the book they read or the cupcakes they decorated. And he brought home several things they made in class. He was happy.

I was happy. So excited that he is happy about school!

So why did I spend half of this evening crying?

Why am I anxious and depressed and upset?

I finally admitted to my mother that it is because he is in a SPED class.

He is in a special education classroom.

He is not a typical child.

This will not go away.

He is autistic.

There is no magical cure. No pill. No wand waving.

I ran into a mother who had a child in preK with Braeden last year waiting to pick up her son yesterday. She asked what teacher Braeden had gotten. I told her and then had to explain that he was in the SPED class because she did not know the teacher.

I felt embarrassed! WHY???? Why should I feel embarrassed? It makes no sense! Braeden is an awesome kid. And it's not like she didn't already know he had issues....

I guess I had not really accepted everything yet. And now I have to. There is no ignoring it. There is no thinking it is a "phase" or that he will "outgrow" it.

Of course I know that things will get better with therapy. But I have to wrap my head around the fact that he will never be a typical child. No matter how hard he works and how much he improves. His brain will always work differently.

And on my good days I think that that is an awesome thing indeed. Now how to make the good days outweigh the bad?