Quick Note

Busy baking, busy cleaning, busy with life. I miss all of my bloggy friends but have NO TIME to really post right now. It's been such a crazy year.... I really hope 2011 slows down a little and sends some positive things our way.

Don't forget to check out the lunar eclipse tonight!Winter Solstice, total lunar eclipse, amber moon, AND the Ursids meteor shower all in one night!! Not something to miss. I plan to set my alarm clock to try to make sure I am up at the best viewing time. I will be thinking of all of my family and friends as I watch the beauty of the night sky!


Blessings to all and I hope to be back to post tomorrow.

My World Gets Busier Every Day

It's been another wild and crazy time here at the castle. No apologies.... face book ate them all. *snicker*

I am full of awesome plans for the holiday season and hoping to get at least 1/4 of all I have planned actually done. *snicker again*

For now, until I get an inspiration to write a longer post later, check out Ms. Jenna's fabulous Senior Portraits. These are the sneak peek of her casual shots! We love the photographer, she did a wonderful job of getting shots of Jenna that really show off who SHE is! Not posed, forced shots that seem vaguely uncomfortable. Just shots of her being her. I can't wait to see the rest of them!

We also had pictures of the boys taken right before Thanksgiving. Waiting eagerly for those to come back. The photographer, a different one, did a good job with the boys. Especially considering it was a quick mini session (1/2 hour).

I promise to post pics once we have them! Since BOTH boys got their hair cut they are so damn handsome I could eat them with a spoon....

Thanksgiving

My Mom and my MIL and my nephew are all here. They have been here since Saturday and we have been oh so busy....

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I will be back on Friday or Saturday!!!!

Dreaming of a Debt Free Christmas

Late today. It has been a crazy crazy day today. I guess that means it was a normal day! As of right now, Jenna is at the Harry Potter Premier, hanging out outside the theater with some friends, waiting to get it. Hopefully she has fun waiting in the cold, in costume, for 4 hours (she got there at 8).... I have no doubt that she will! (I am sooooooo jealous that she is there and I am here with little kids and no babysitter!!!)

Anyway.

My thing this year is that I want to have a stress free and debt free Christmas. We do not use credit cards, but we usually end up borrowing money from one of our Mothers just to make sure we have everything covered. I really want this year to be more low key. I want to concentrate on time with each other, gifts from the heart and giving back a little bit. In addition, Braeden gets so overwhelmed with all of the chaos and confusion on Christmas morning that I want to make it a little easier for him. Less presents to open, more time to play with each present before tearing in to the next. Less pressure for him. My Mother and MIL will be here for Christmas as well.... for the first time ON CHRISTMAS MORNING since Braeden was born. That will be enough excitement in and of itself!

We are cutting back on the number of presents we purchase for the kids. And I will be making several items for each of them. I want lots of activities and experiences in the days leading up to the holidays, less importance placed on the actual gifts.

So, do any of you fabulous people have any suggestions on new traditions, new activities, frugal gift ideas, crafty fun or any other Christmas stuff? Leave me some links and I will love you forever! And I promise to link to the items I will be making and give a full run down of our plans sometime soon.

Right now I have to go see why it sounds like elephants on parade in the boys' bedroom.....

Obligatory Mommy Bragging

All of my regular readers have probably been introduced to my daughter through guest posts or links. But new friends.... I am going to introduce you today! AND I have some major Mommy bragging to do! So hold on to your hats.... and meet the Faerie Girl!

My daughter, Jenna, is 16 going on 30. Well, some days she is more like 16 going on 5, but that's just fun! LOL She is a Senior this year because she skipped most of the 7th grade. She is a goof and a dork. She is bright and beautiful. She is pretty damn awesome and really impressive if I do say so myself! She lives out loud and doesn't care what anyone says. She respects herself and expects others to respect her as well. She cares deeply about many different social issues and tries her damndest to change the world. She is a talented and ambitious writer who awes me daily. Even while she irritates the crap out of me with the teenage drama!

She has... ummm..... well, three blogs that are openly public, but one of those is linked to a forum. Her personal blog is The Delusional and her writing blog is As The Plot Thickens. She also owns and moderates a writing forum called Quill and Ink. She owns and runs a website for a project she is doing called The Juniper Project which is all about Guerrilla Art. She writes for the Yahoo! Contributors Network (used to be Associated Content) for free until she turns 18 and can earn money there! Her personal web site is HERE. You can click on any of the links to get to know her.OR, you can click on any of the following links to read some of my favorite posts from her blog:

Love is in the Air, I'm Wearing a Gas Mask
Babyface
I've Got a Sword, Fool
Politics, Religion and all that Other Good Stuff
Don't Eat the Red Snow
The Journey
Kicking Down The Door
The Snotpocalypse

Now for the REAL bragging! If you follow me on Facebook then you have probably heard all of this already, if you don't follow me on FB then why not?!? LOL (Click on the Stalk me here tab up top for a link to my FB page!)

Jenna was accepted to The University of Tampa and will be studying for a Bachelor of Arts in Writing. That was exciting enough! Then we found out that she was accepted as an Honors student and was awarded an $11,000 (renewable!) Presidential Scholarship from the school! That's my girl!

So, while that scholarship will not come close to paying for her education, it will be a major help. She should qualify for full financial aid (we are poor) and is applying for numerous other scholarships. We are fully confident in her ability to fund her college education through her academic achievements and her writing ability. Those scholarship essays should be a breeze! So, while she is stressing out to some degree, she is also pretty proud of herself. And so am I.

In addition to that, she also participated in NaNoWriMo again this year. For those who do nto know, that is National Novel Writing Month where you are challenged to write a novel of 50,000 words or more int he space of a month. This is her 3rd year. I think. She succeeded in writing her 50,000 words in the space of 4 days. Yes. FOUR DAYS. Granted, it is an extremely rough first draft. But, damn.Then she proceeded to get sick with walking pneumonia. Told her she was working too hard.....

I would love it if any of you should feel like leaving a comment for her! While she can be an irritating teenager, she is also pretty awesome.

Tomorrow I am writing about Christmas and my dreams of it being a debt free holiday this year so make sure you wander by and check in!

The Maiden Within

Hiding in plain sight
camouflaged beneath layers of responsibilities
and mundane daily life

Parent teacher conferences
steam cleaning carpets
potty training
searching for meaning
underneath couch cushions
and mountains of dirty laundry

The dancing Maiden of my youth
has given way to the Mother of today
hiding within and awaiting
bending but never breaking
hiding but never forgotten

Blog Revamp

I have been struggling to get the blog all prettiefied and organized over the past weeks. With all of the sickness in the house it has taken some time! And, obviously, my month of thanksgiving has suffered due to the illness in the house as well. It's all good.

I am about to take the blog to the next level. I am ready to get back to blogging on a regular basis. I plan to start doing reviews of the books I am reading, menu planning and recipes, some videos of the kids should migrate here soon and I really want to host some giveaways. I also plan to post some of my poetry again. Maybe some crafty posts to show y'all what I have been up to with my sewing? Who knows what will show up over the next few months!

I have redone my links to the blogs I follow. I have them separated into different categories and hope to keep them that way. Maybe that will help me visit each of you more regularly! There is no guarantee, however, that i did not accidentally delete someone in the process. If you visit and your blog is NOT listed in one of my blog rolls, please let me know! I will rectify that.

Please comment and  let me know what you think of the new design. If you have a blog button that I am not sporting here then let me know that as well!

I should be visiting everyone on my blog rolls over the next few days to play catch up and visit!

I am also looking for awesome blogs to read. Whether they are frugal blogs, mommy blogs, giveaway sites, blogs about autism or just funny..... please share links with me! Please? I am in need of new reading material! LOL

I will leave you with this picture of Braeden from Halloween. You can't see it to well, but he got a hair cut. No more long curly hair. Which makes me cry. But he's pretty damn cute anyway!!

Sick House

Malachai has been sick for 2 1/2 weeks. Braeden was sick for a week and is better now. Steven is sick. Jenna got to take her first trip to the ER on SUnday with a temp of 106.4 and I was terrified! She has walking pneumonia. Which Mal now has too.

I am thankful for antibiotics and digital thermometers.

And I can't wait until all of these people in my house are well.

I may be coming down with something too.... send healing thoughts.

(But at least my laptop survived the great coke debacle and is back home with me in one piece!)

Bloggy Thanks

I am, obviously, in the midst of some bloggy housekeeping. Feel free to let me know what you think as things move around and change up a bit!

My thanks today go out to my fab daughter, Jenna, for being willing to tweak my template and move things around based only on a vague description and arm waving comments..... you rock babe! Now, what in the world will I do when she goes away to college next year?!?

Giveaway of Awesomeness!

Thanks to a bloggy friend for sending me over to this really fab giveaway.... Rune Soup is giving away a ton of great magickal items from Florence! Go check it out. Enter.

(and if you win, remember I sent you over there... LOL) (Just kidding)

Seriously. Go. Check it out!

Why are you still here?

Thanks for Day 3

Today I am thankful for the internet. I think without the internet I would have gone stir crazy many many moons ago! Today is just one more long day in a long line of long days filled with whiney kids. The boys are feeling better but still not 100% so they have spent ALL DAY LONG whining at me. And being unhappy about everything. Poor guys.... but they still make my ears bleed!

So, thanks to the beauty of the interwebs... I have kept myself sane today! I was also able to purchase (for my Mom) a plane ticket for Jenna to go to Florida in December. And I won several giveaways on blogs. And told some jokes with some people on FB. And and and...... played games.

And I am no longer losing my mind!

Thanks you interwebs for saving my sanity (and therefore very possible the lives of my chilluns) (jk) (mostly)

A Month of Thanks - Day Two

Today I am thankful for Braeden's Behavior Therapist. Really. Not only does Mr. Sergio work with Braeden and us every week, he also goes out of his way to work with Braeden's school. Today is just one example.

Sergio and I went to Braeden's school today to observe several different classrooms. Since there are some concerns with the class that he is in, we wanted to know what the other options are. Once of the classes that we observed was a "behavior class". This class has 7 children in it and two full time teachers. This was what the principal was suggesting as an alternative for Braeden. The classes use the same curriculum as the regular ed classes and work specifically on overcoming behavior issues to get the children into regular classes. Since our issues with the class Braeden is in now is that it is using a different curriculum and is not working at grade level, it seemed like a good option.

After observing the classroom, we walked outside, Sergio looked at me and said "That is NOT the right place for Braeden." I wanted to hug him. My instincts were telling me the same thing and it was great to have them validated by a professional.

We then went to Braeden's regular classroom and observed. Braeden was not there today as he is sick, but we got to see his teacher in action, how she works with the children and what they are doing. The difference between the two classes was amazing. Sergio leaned over and said "We need to keep Braeden in here."

When all is said and done, our worries are that Braeden will slip through the cracks academically. He is already a little bit bored with the work he is doing in class. However, we can work on that. We can do extra work at home, he can have more challenging things at school that still fall within the curriculum, etc. That we will address in a meeting with the teacher next week. Along with adopting a specific behavior plan and writing very speicific and measurable behavior goals for his IEP.

The main thing we decided is that he NEEDS to be in the class with this teacher. She is wonderful. And we know she cares about Braeden and wants what is best for him.

So.

I am thankful for Sergio. For having him there to back up my instincts. To help me feel that the decisions I am making are valid. To ask the questions that I would never even think of. And I am thankful that he so obviously cares about what is best for Braeden.


Sorry this isn't very cohesive, I have been trying to write it all day in between sick kids and running errands, meetings and phone calls. So, I am not even going to attempt to proofread or rewrite.

How was your day today? Did you find anything new to be thankful for?

A Month of Thanks - Day One

This month I am determined to remember the things about my life that are wonderful. With that in mind, every day I will be posting about something I am thankful for!

Today (the day after my anniversary), I am thankful for my husband. He is the one person I have ever been with who is willing to put up with, and even revel in, my weirdness. He likes the fact that I am a bitch. He lets me do what I need to do. He makes me laugh. His music makes my soul sing.

Without Steven I would not be the woman that I am today. Even on the days that I am really irritated with him, I still am thankful that he entered my life and woke me up. He has helped me to grow. He has helped me to realize dreams that I never knew I had. And he supports the dreams that I am following now.

He makes my life complete.

What are you thankful for today?

A Fresh New Month

It's a brand new day and a brand new month! I am keeping my spirits up this month and staying positive. I have a feeling that this month will bring GOOD things to my family. The past month or two have been rough. Deaths, sickness, depression, mourning, stress and money problems have made it difficult for me to stay on top of everything. It's time to wake up and be one with the world again. Time to make my to do lists, take care of business and then find the time to play a little. Time to get my act together for the up coming holidays. Time to be happy.

What are your plans for this month?

My brain is broken......

Full Moon Fever

It's bright and beautiful outside. The air is crisp, the night is full of beauty and suspense and I am feeling closer to my Father than I have in some time. We are creeping slowly towards October 31st. Also known as Samhain to my pagan friends. Also known as Ancestor Night, Feast of the Dead, All Hallow's Eve, Hallowmass and many other names in many other traditions.

It's a time to remember those who have passed on.

I have spent the past month trying to come to terms with my Father's death. I think it as been good for me to be blog silent for a bit. I had a lot of emotions to work through and it has been tough.

This Halloween, this Samhain, I will be remembering my Daddy in the best ways. I will also be celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary! Dad would love that.

So. Time to get back on the blogging, come visit all of you lovelies once again and see if I can get my act together. Things have been rough with the kids due to all of my stress and the confusion with schedules but I have high hoped that this week will bring us the peace we all need.

Back to work....

We went to Florida for Dad's memorial. Things are okay. I am struggling with getting back to daily life since we were gone for most of a week.

But I know what my Dad would say! He'd put a boot up my ass and tell me to get to work. Time to get my shit together and get back in the swing of things.

Look for the next 30 day challenge post later today or tomorrow morning. And an update on the kids as well.

Thank you all for the comments, FB comments and private emails. You all mean the world to me.

Daddy's Hands

For my father, Fred Howland White II, 4/13/44 - 9/25/10. Willie Nelson was one of his favorite artists. This song is for him.




And this one is from me for him. I love you Daddy,

I can't write this again......

Copied from my FB page for anyone who has not seen it:

Tracy White DeLuca Dad is still hanging on. He will be transferred to a convalescent home soon as there is nothing the hospital can do for him at this point. He does not seem to be in pain so that is a blessing. DNR orders have been signed and now it is just waiting and thinking and praying.

I may be missing in action or only here off and on even though I am doing my 30 day challenge. It will just take me longer to work through it. I promise to write more about my father at a later time. I just can't wrap my head around it for more than a few sentences right now.

30 Day Challenge: Day 2 A Favorite Movie

hahahahahahahahahahaha

ahem....

A favorite anything is going to be difficult for me! So, here is a bit of a list of some of my fave movies and why....

Numero Uno...

The Boondock Saints. Great movie, great music. Action packed and with an interesting message. And the boys are just so HAWT!





Next would be The Princess Bride. Who doesn't love that movie?? "My name is Inigo Montoya. You keeled my Father. Prepare to Die!"



Thirdly, Practical Magic. Love story, revenge, drama and heartbreak, magic and mayhem... what more do you need???



Finally, and just because I am out of time to post tonight.... V for Vendetta. Politics, freedom fighters, vengeance, explosions, emotions, heart wrenching drama and death scenes, a man in a mask and Natalie Portman. I cry, I laugh, I get angry and I sit on the edge of my seat every time I see this movie, even though I have seen it more times than I can count. ALL of the scenes I wanted to post are disabled for embedding on youtube. All I can say is that if you have not watched it.... go watch it. Seriously.

I guess I really love big dramatic movies! I also love Disney movies and stupid sophomoric humor type movies.....

30 Day Challenge: Day 1 A Favorite Song

Felicia from over at Living Just Like Grandma came up with this fabulous idea.... a 30 day blog challenge. This is being hosted by a group she is part of on CafeMom. The basic premise is to post every day on a particular subject. Since I really need to get back into the swing of things as far as blogging is concerned, I decided to jump on board. While Felicia and the others have been doing thsi since September 1st, I am just starting with Day 1 and going from there. I may post each day or I may post randomly intermixed with my regular updates on me and the kids. We'll see!

The day one challenge is to write about our favorite song.

I don't have one. LOL I love too many songs to pick just one. So, here are a few of my faves:





I figured you out by Nickelback
I don't know. It brings back memories. Aren't so many songs linked to memory for most of us?



Survive by Lacuna Coil
Just totally love it. Lacuna Coil is an awesome band anyway but this song rocks hard. And it is a song that I listen to when I am really feeling overwhelmed. Makes me ready to kick ass and take names!




Exactly by Amy Steinberg. Listen to the lyrics. They give me peace.



32 Flavors by Ani DiFranco. My theme song!

And finally.........

Anything by Opeth. But here is one of my favorite melodic songs. I love the heavier metal side of them as well but their melodic stuff is just awesome.

Pictures!!

I hate blogger sometimes. These pictures are all wonky ordered but oh well..... Here are some pictures! Yay!!!!

One of my favorite pictures of Miss Jenna from this Summer. She was a counselor in training at Camp Crystal in Florida. She had a blast and matured so much... it was awesome. I missed her bunches, though. Now she is a SENIOR!!!! OMG I will be posting about her college search and stuff soon.

Braeden helping Jenna and Daddy put a rub on a brisket. He is wearing rubber gloves about 10 times too big but really dug the whole thing.

Jenna and Braeden getting ready to "rub meat".... LOL

Daddy trying to get the gloves on Braeden.

Braeden in his classroom at school. What a big boy!!!! He loves school and loves his teacher. We are having some issues.... but that is a whole other post....

Malachai asked his sister to cut his hair. So she did. *facepalm* But really, for a mullet it's not too bad! At least it is out of his eyes. And not too too crooked!!! LOL

Braeden. Oh, Braeden. That ponytail certainly becomes you! And I wonder why people call him a girl? LMAO

Overwhelmed and Underblogged

Between Facebook and real life, this blog sure has suffered this Summer! LOL

Braeden's first day of Kindergarten... almost a month late! But better late than never, right?

Things are going.... well. He has one or two yellow behavior days each week which is no surprise to me. Yellow means some behavior issues but nothing extreme. Mostly he is having problems with transitions and noncompliance. Same ol same ol. His teacher is going to start documenting all behavior issues for his ABA therapist so we can see exactly what is going on.

I have a meeting on Thursday afternoon with all of his "specials" teachers. Art, music, etc. Now I just have to figure out exactly what I want to talk to them about, etc. *sigh*

SO much of my time lately is spent wondering if I am doing the right things for him. And I have a feeling that that will never go away. Questioning myself as a parent sucks.

Malachai has a doctor's appointment on Thursday morning. He has low iron and we want to get some extra blood work done to check it out. Steven has pernicious anemia so we hope this is not an early indication that Mal has it as well. When I am at the doctor's I am also requesting a referral for Malachai to the same office that evaluated Braeden. I need to know if Mal's issues are just learned behaviors or if we are looking at him having issues as well.

So. A fun filled week ahead!

What have y'all been up to? I need to make it by to visit blogs today.... catch ya later!

Internetz... why haz u forzaken me????

My modem got fried in the horrible storm we had tonight. We may be without ta internetz for most of this week. OR I may be able to get us up and running tomorrow. I drove around and found a wifi connection tonight to be able to take care of a few things but tomorrow is a busy day anyway. I hope to be back online and visiting blogs and writing here by Thursday afternoon...

Hope everyone else had better luck in any storms today!

Shining Moments of Joy

Joy blossoms full

dependent upon no specific action

spreading within my soul

shining through my spirit

in moments

captured in time

Swinging with my head back, hair streaming, eyes closed, heart open

to possibilities

First rush of infatuation, heat blooming, blushes and flirting

Heart enraptured, captured by the tiny hand of a newborn

Wedding day jitters, calmed by the sight of the man waiting for me as I walk towards our future

Cool breezes full of salt smell, warm sand beneath my feet, sun baking my worries away

Shrill laughter, quiet giggles and belly laughs as children play and dream

Damp earth beneath my knees and within my grasp as I plant new growth in the ground

Dew seeping through my clothing as I lay in the grass and dream

Huge harvest moon lighting my way through midnight's darkness

Running, stretching, muscles burning, feeling my body work as it is meant to

Rich chocolate bliss melting upon my tongue

Crisp sheets still warm from the sun, smelling of the breezes that dried them

Deep red wine swirling in a crystal glass, dry and tart within my mouth

Sticky boy kisses and dirty boy hugs, the sweet smell of a baby just after a bath

Snuggling on a lazy morning, safe, warm and loved

Belly laughs, silly movies and inside jokes that no one else understands

Seeing my daughter grow to be the woman I believe she can be, confident, independent, happy

Gazing at the night sky, unexpected shooting stars bringing wishes

Connections...

Shining moments

captured in time

bringing joy

all unexpected.

“This post is part of SOYJOY‘s What brings you joy contest. Learn more here.”

Wingmen Unite!

The youngest Wingman of Mayhem is following in his brother's footsteps. He makes us all proud...

He is sitting in my foot spa. His brother helped him fill it with water and soap and then they turned it on. I laughed my ass off when I saw it! He really liked the bubbles and the vibration on his behind!

Falling...

I am diligently working to fall in love with myself. I haven't loved myself for some time now.... I need to remember who I am that makes me special.

My mother and mother in law are coming to visit for a week as they bring my lovely daughter home. She has been away all summer and I miss her! But one of the things I am planning to try to do while they are here over the next week is take some time for myself. Just to be with me.

Maybe I will have some happier posts soon!

Here is to reconnecting with my soul, reconfirming my self and finding that spot within that needs some love and giving it a hug.

Catch ya on the flip side!

Beyond Facebook: The return of the blogger

I know, I know, I know! I can't seem to get back in my groove. And when I do post it just seems to be depressing and morose and all those other words that mean you may want to stick your head in a meat grinder. Or at least a toilet.

So here I am again. With some more news about the eldest Wingman of Mayhem. And some more depressing shit. And some teary confessions. And maybe even some anger.

Feel free to hit the next blog on your list. If you keep reading.... thanks for being here. No promises about what the future holds for this blog. It has always been a way to share the news of my life with my family and also a journal to document what I am thinking and feeling. It is awesome when people read. I LURV comments. But lately I have been so damn depressed that it is all I can do to get off the couch and take care of my kids. The blog just did not seem like a realistic expectation of myself. Although it might have helped to get it all out.... who knows.

Anyway. Enough excuses and rambling. On with the meat.

Braeden's IEP went well. I wasn't 100% happy with the outcome but I feel like it is the best we can expect right now. It's like a little book mark. Holding his place until we see how he does.

He was placed in a self contained DD kindergarten. A SPED classroom.

There is one full time teacher and one full time aid. There are 10 other kids in the class. All of them are supposed to be at about the same level behaviorally. The more extreme behaviorally challenged children (is that PC? I don't want to offend anyone) are all in a separate class. The kids join the mainstream classes for specials like music and art.

He will receive two half hour sessions of speech therapy each week at school. The Occupational Therapist will consult with his teacher monthly to see if is progressing or needs to be further evaluated for OT. Same with behavioral therapy.

He is receiving two 45 minute sessions of speech therapy with a private speech pathologist after school. He is also receiving one one hour session of ABA therapy each week after school.

His first day of Kindergarten was weird. The school here has a staggered start schedule. All of the children with last names starting A to..... something go to school on Monday, and then then do not go back until Thursday. Some kids go Tuesday and then Thursday and some kids go Wednesday and then Thursday. Just for the first week.

So, he only had 2 other kids in class with him on Monday. He also screamed and fought when I left him. And the teacher told me later that he cried for quite some time but eventually calmed down. When I picked him up he told me he had had a good day but he "was no go back to that school". He was "too too scared" and he "wouldn't like it". *sigh*

I talked to his teacher on Wednesday and got to get to know her a little bit. I feel comfortable with her. She told me Braeden was smart and very sweet. Also very lovable. Nothing new to me! LOL

Thursday morning rolls around. I was anticipating a full scale meltdown. He got dressed in his uniform, loaded up in the van and proceeded to ask me for the entire drive to school "are we there yet?" The ENTIRE drive. When he saw the school he was excited. He went in and showed me his classroom. Then, he started to run to his teacher and hug her. He stopped and hid behind me. But it was encouraging! He had a great day Thursday. No tears.

Today was an even better day! He has not stopped talking about the book they read or the cupcakes they decorated. And he brought home several things they made in class. He was happy.

I was happy. So excited that he is happy about school!

So why did I spend half of this evening crying?

Why am I anxious and depressed and upset?

I finally admitted to my mother that it is because he is in a SPED class.

He is in a special education classroom.

He is not a typical child.

This will not go away.

He is autistic.

There is no magical cure. No pill. No wand waving.

I ran into a mother who had a child in preK with Braeden last year waiting to pick up her son yesterday. She asked what teacher Braeden had gotten. I told her and then had to explain that he was in the SPED class because she did not know the teacher.

I felt embarrassed! WHY???? Why should I feel embarrassed? It makes no sense! Braeden is an awesome kid. And it's not like she didn't already know he had issues....

I guess I had not really accepted everything yet. And now I have to. There is no ignoring it. There is no thinking it is a "phase" or that he will "outgrow" it.

Of course I know that things will get better with therapy. But I have to wrap my head around the fact that he will never be a typical child. No matter how hard he works and how much he improves. His brain will always work differently.

And on my good days I think that that is an awesome thing indeed. Now how to make the good days outweigh the bad?

Catch up

I am so dang busy this summer with appointments and meetings and cleaning and yada yada yada! I know, everyone is busy. I feel like a chicken with no head.... anyway. For anyone reading who does NOT follow me on Facebook, here is what has been going on (in bullets) (cause I is feelin' lazy)

• Braeden had his second evaluation with a diagnosis of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) (I hate that diagnosis, it seems like they are just saying they have no idea) which is on the spectrum but not specifically autism.
• He saw a psychiatrist who agrees with us that medication is not right for Braeden. She had us start him on an Omega -3 fish oil supplement as well as probiotics (which we had already been giving him) and his multi vitamin.
• He is now seeing a therapist for ABA therapy (applied behavioral) but has just started and I have no idea how often he will be going, etc.
• He had a speech evaluation with a private therapist this past week. SHe is reccomending an additional 2 hours of therapy each week in addition to the one hour the school will provide.
• We are supposed to meet with Special Services and the school next week to write his IEP for starting Kindergarten. (!!!)

Malachai updates:

• Mal was turned down for Headstart (preK program) because we are over income. Sound familiar? Same thing happened to us with Braeden at 3 years old.
  
• He is on the waiting list in case anyone drops out. I'm not holding my breath but am crossing my fingers
• His speech comes and goes. Some days he is clear as a bell, other days I can't understand a word he says. He is very much into "babbling" which concerns me as I feel that he should be beyond that at this point.
• I am trying to decide if I should request an evaluation for him for ASD just to ease my mind. I really think all of his behaviors and speech issues are learned from his big brother. But, I could be wrong.
  
• Mal is refusing to use the potty. I am about to go old school on both of the boys! Actually, I am going to implement a plan from Braeden's ABA therapist for BOTH boys to try to deal with the potty issues.

Jenna's update:

• She is gone for the summer.
• She is now a SENIOR!!! OMG!!!!
• She wants to attend Pratt Institute in NYC. OMG!!!!!
• She still has not learned to drive. My bad. Now we have to go get her a new learners permit! LOL
• She is currently working as a Counselor in Training at Camp Crystal in Florida. She will not be back here until the 2nd week of school. But, since it is volunteer work, she will be okay.
• I miss her like crazy!!!

Steven's update:

• He is working 12 hour shifts Tuesday through Saturday. Noon to midnight. Which means he actually is not getting home until after 1 am. It sucks.
• He and I are ..... okay. Things are bumpy but will get better.
  

My update:

• I am stressed.
• I am tired.
• I need a break.
• I need a drink.
• I am completely overwhelmed by all of the stuff with Braeden.
• I am freaking out about him going to Kindergarten.
• I am writing again. For Demand Studios mostly. It is helping make ends meet but sure is hard to do with the Wingmen of Mayhem running around.
• I am smoking too much but am trying to exercise more and lose weight.
• I am in need of a vacation and can't wait until my Mom and MIL come to visit in a few weeks! I could use a hug.

So. There you go!

I plan to try to write at least every other day on the blog. No guarantees though. It depends on what is going on IRL. I'll try to get by to visit all of y'alls blogs soon!

HUGS and blessings

Summertime Blues

I'm alive. For any of the few of you who might still be paying attention to this blog, I am sorry I have not posted in so long. Processing all of the things going on with Braeden and his diagnosis has been difficult. Not to mention having a busy summer with no teen to help me out!

I am back, though. I have missed having this outlet for my emotions and writing. I need to reconnect with my bloggy friends and try to get myself back on an even keel. I have been so very focused on the children that I have let myself sink into obscurity.

So.

This post is just to get my tippy toes wet. And I will be writing about the summer soon.

A is for Autism

B is for Braeden.

The official diagnosis is in from the private psychologist. Autism. Not really surprising and really kind of a relief. Now I know and we can move on from here. I am still waiting for the diagnosis from the psychologist that the school referred him to but i will be surprised if their diagnosis is any different.

Now I just have to figure out where we go from here. I am already frustrated with the school district and I just had my first conversation with their Special Services office today!

For those of you who have, or are, dealing with a special needs child, what were the first things you did? What steps do I need to take? What therapies and services do you think are the most important to start with? **SIGH** so many questions....

You think you are prepared until it comes right down to it. Now I am feeling overwhelmed again.

One step at a time.

One day at a time.

Braeden Orion DeLuca is one hell of a great kid. He makes me crazy and frustrates me but he also melts my heart every day. I am thankful he is my son and came into my life when he did. Now I just have to be the Mommy he needs me to be and make sure that he gets any help he needs.

Thank you for all of the kind comments, FB posts and emails. You all make this easier just by being you.

Downward Facing Preschoolers.....

Just popping in to say Hi. Sorry I have been out of touch. I am stressed and just trying to make it through right now. I get Braeden's diagnosis from the psychologist on Monday and am biting my nails waiting to find out.

For now, I leave you with this thought:

Malachai (3) and Braeden (4 1/2) really enjoyed exercising this afternoon. They did some yoga from a kids yoga video and it was adorable! Picture a three year old with a round belly and a bubble butt doing a downward facing dog and then a half moon pose..... too cute for words!

Am thinking about trying to teach Braeden to meditate and do deep breathing. I think it would really help him. But I'm not sure if he might still be too young. Although he did the sitting pose and breathed with the instructor on the video with no problems so who knows!

Will post again soon. I promise.

Did you miss me?

I have some awards to acknowledge soon, some posts about fairly interesting things to get around to writing and some stressful posts to get out of my system.... but none of that has happened recently. Obviously.

So, here is just a little something to tide us all over.

100 Things About the Fae Lady

1. My favorite colors are dark blue and black.
   
2. I love silver jewelry and really don't care for gold at all. It makes me look sallow.
3. I love bells on my jewelry. I would love to learn to belly dance and wear those girdle/ belts of bells all over the place. I used to wear an anklet of bells all the time when I was younger. It irritated many people.
4. I have always wanted to learn to fight in the SCA. I have never ended up getting involved but want to one day. My local group has not been as welcoming as I would have liked. Maybe when we move again and the kids are older....
5. I love dressing in both flowing, feminine clothes and black leather/ slutty clothes. Unfortunately, my body does not look as good in any of my old outfits as it should! Now I mostly wear jeans, tshirts and mommy clothes.
6. I have my ears pierced 5 times each and my nose pierced. I have always wanted to get my eyebrow, my bellybutton and my nipples done. Maybe one day.
   
7. I have one tattoo. It is a wolf howling at the moon. I have about three others planned and may be able to afford them one day!
8. I really want blue hair. Black with blue tips maybe. But have never really gotten around to getting it done. I can't afford professional dye jobs so.....
9. I hate cheesecake. And peach pie. My daughter and my MIL think this makes me a communist.
10. I do not eat eggs.
    
11. I don't eat mayo or fish either.
12. But I love lobster. Because it is awesome.
13. I once worked as a pizza delivery girl. I was pregnant with Jenna at the time. I got really great tips.
14. My husband's nickname at one time was wolf. Which I found amusing when I met him since I have a wolf tattoo.
15. I have written poetry since I was about nine years old.
16. I still have no idea what I really want to do with my life. Write? Who knows. I don't want to grow up.
17. I have a bit of a black thumb but try to grow vegetables every year. I figure it will work eventually. It's all about perseverance.
18. I really don't like the icing on most cakes. I like the whipped cream icing, not the really sweet kind.
19. I used to be incapable of cooking grilled cheese sandwiches. I either burned them or they got soggy. I finally discovered that spraying the bread with Pam instead of spreading it with butter makes for the perfect grilled cheese.
20. I lost the cord to my camera so I can't upload any pictures to my computer. That sucks.
21. I'm a pagan who was raised catholic.
22. My favorite food is probably pizza. Or bacon.
23. My favorite dessert is ummm...... anything chocolate? Or with whipped cream. Or pastry. I like sweets.
24. My stomach shows that I like sweets.
25. When I was about 24 I had to have surgery to remove a tumor near my ovary. They ended up having to do exploratory surgery and remove the ovary. I went into the surgery having no idea if I would wake up having had a hysterectomy or if I would ever be able to have more children. It was very scary.
26. I fell asleep behind the wheel in 1998. I flipped my car, was ejected, landed in the top of a tree and then hit the ground. I woke up with my car upside down about a foot away from me. My had malfunctioned and allowed me to be ejected. The state trooper who came told me that this was one of the tiny percent of accidents where if the seat belt had not broken, I would have been killed in the car. The only injuries I had were a piece of glass in my calf and a broken breast bone. It took me years to be able to wear my seat belt again without feeling trapped.
27. I am 5'5" tall. Unless I shrunk recently. Which could happen.
28. When I got pregnant with Jenna at 19, I weighed 125 pounds and thought I was fat. I look back at pictures now and am amazed!
29. I now weigh 225 pounds. That makes me sad. I have gained 100 pounds in the past 16 years.
    
30. I have high blood pressure and am worried that I will end up with Type 2 Diabetes if I don't lose weight.
31. My favorite flower is the Calla Lily.
32. I have worn glasses since the 7th grade and got contacts when I was about 27 I think. I love them! But my husband thinks glasses are hot so I end up wearing them quite a bit. LOL
33. I hate eating tomatoes but love tomato sauces.
34. I love cheese. All kinds of cheese. Cheese fondue is like golden orgasms in food form.
35. I love Carmex. I use it constantly to keep my lips smooth, unchapped and cold sore free.
    
36. I have never flown in a plane.
37. The only states I have ever been to are Florida, Georgie, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, South Carolina, Maine and Washington DC.
38. I am still waiting to go on my honeymoon.
39. I really really want to go on a Cruise.
40. If I could do anything, I would travel all over the world and be able to explore wherever I want to for as long as I want. I want to see everything.
41. I love camping and hiking but rarely get a chance to indulge myself.
42. I love outside sex.
43. I love the beach. That is one of the things that I miss the most about not living in Florida.
44. The scariest movie I have ever seen is probably Poltergeist. It really disturbed me when I saw it. I can watch it now with no problems but it scared me to death when I was younger.
45. I have a hard time making real friends. I am a very quiet person until you get to know me.
46. I am terrified of spiders unless there is no one else to kill them and they are around my kids. Then I can smush them like there is no tomorrow.
47. I hate my teeth. They are in horrible condition and just got worse after each child.
    
48. I think I am pretty sexy, even though I am overweight. It's all about the attitude.
49. I love music but hate listening to the radio. Most of the new music that they play on our local stations is crap.
50. I love going to hear live music. Almost any kind works for me!
51. I love cats but am not a big dog fan at all.
52. I never thought I would get married and be a SAHM. Very weird to me! LOL
53. I love my laptop. I never thought I would like using one but I do!
54. I like snacking on rice cakes. Weird but true.
55. My favorite nonalcoholic drink is Coke. But I am trying to quit drinking soda altogether. Water is my new Coke.
56. My favorite alcoholic drink is Jack and Coke but I also love Harp, margaritas on the rocks and Jameson's whiskey, neat.
57. Irish car bombs (drink) knock me on my ass.
58. I used to drink very heavily. Now I drink maybe once every few weeks.
59. I used to also drink lots and lots of coffee. Now I rarely drink it at all. It makes me stomach hurt.
60. My favorite season is Fall. I love the weather, the colors and the feeling of the air.
61. I am a Virgo.
62. I have slight OCD tendencies.
63. I worked in a donut shop for more than a decade. I used to work the overnight shift from 10 pm to 6 am. I loved it. I was a donut finisher (decorator) and was also training to be a baker.
64. I have a BS in Business and am almost finished with my Master's. One day i will go back to school.
65. I also have a degree in Legal Assisting but have never used it.
66. I think I would make a pretty good lawyer but never had the desire to actually go to school for that long.
67. I didn't learn to swim until I was about 9 years old. In a lake in Maine!
    
68. I am scared that I will go blind one day.
    
69. I have a really hard time believing that my daughter is going to be a senior in high school next year. The whole college thing is freaking me out.
70. I tend to be lazy when given any choice in the matter. Since having the boys, I have not had much choice! LOL
71. I live across the street from a giant Baptist church and in between two cemeteries. It's kind of weird. If the zombie apocalypse happens we will be screwed.
72. I love all books and movies about the supernatural.
    
73. I once saw a ghost in my friend's bedroom in the middle of the night. It was both scary and awesome at the same time.
74. I think that I have psychic abilities that are undeveloped. I have dreams that come true quite often and I think that I feel what other people are feeling more strongly than most people do.
75. I am fascinated with tarot cards and other forms of divination.
76. I am fairly introverted and private about my true beliefs and emotions.
77. I am considered a bitch by many. I do not think that it is an insult.
78. I find both men and women to be equally attractive.
    
79. I think my husband is incredibly talented and fabulous. Not only can he cook like a pro, he plays guitar like a pro too.
80. I really want to be able to play an instrument but seem to be a musical idiot.
81. I found a $100 bill at Red Lobster a month ago. I turned it in to the manager. I sure hope it got back to the person that owned it! I secretly wish I had kept it.
    
82. I like to read fluffy romance books when my brain is fried.
83. I read constantly. I always take a book with me wherever I go. I mostly read scifi/ fantasy and paranormal books.
84. I love playing board games and will play to win. I don't care who I am playing against.
85. I love shoes but only have two pairs that I wear right now. I want thigh high black leather boots with buckles all over them. Yes. Yes, I do.
86. I will only dance at gay clubs. I think I dance like an idiot and have to be pretty drunk to get out on the floor.
87. My daughter and I tweet and/ or message each other on facebook when we are in the same house. Sad.
88. I cannot carry out practical jokes because I cannot keep a straight face. So I give my daughter ideas.
89. I used to think I would be a teacher. Then I realized that I generally don't like other people's children that much. At least not for long periods of time. I lack patience.
90. I have a very bad temper. Sometimes it gets the better of me.
91. I hate the word "moist". It never used to bother me before I watched the show Dead Like Me. Now it creeps me out.
92. I think Taylor Lautner is HAWT. So is Jensen Ackles. Dibs.
93. I think that Salma Hayek is hot. So is Milla Jovavich. And Audrey Hollander.
    
94. My favorite Disney Villain is Maleficent. But I also love the Red Queen.
95. I hate Gatorade type drinks.
96. I call my daughter "Dib" sometimes. It pisses her off. hehe (Dib is a character from Invader Zim that has a really big head)
97. I want a yellow house. See Millennium for understanding. (Frank Black. FBI)
98. My son loves to watch me play Plants vs Zombies. He sits next to me and asks me to "play zombie". LMAO I am raising him right.
99. Petyoooooooooooooooooooooooooniahhhhhhhhh. hehe My husband is odd.
    
100. This was really hard. You better appreciate it. he.
     

Menu Madness

I have been SO disorganized for the past few months. I am determined to get back my mojo! So, to start off this week with a bang, here is my menu plan.

Sunday - Sweet and Smokey beef brisket with mashed potatoes, corn and Outback Steakhouse breadmachine bread

Monday - Pork Chops either grilled or pan fried with Sweet Potato Risotto (made without sausage) and peas

Tuesday - Mac and Cheese with hamburger

Wednesday - Leftovers (Brisket sandwiches? Yum)

Thursday - Chicken Broccoli Couscous

Friday - Jenna's Night (she will be cooking every Friday night for a while) Chicken and Beef Fajitas

Saturday - Vegetable soup of some kind with grilled cheese sammies

Sunday - Malachai turns 3! Dinner out at Pizza buffet.


Since it is Spring Break here, all three kiddos will be home for breakfast and lunch each day. I know that Jenna and I will eat leftovers for lunches or maybe Tuna Pea Wiggle or something similar. The boys usually eat PBJ or chicken nuggets and fries or even pancakes! Breakfasts are iffy. I made waffles today and have some left for the boys breakfast or snacks and I will make a huge batch of pancakes one day soon. They love the little silver dollar ones. I may need to pick up more yogurt and other breakfast foods for Jenna.

I am planning to try to have a baking day one day this week since Jenna is home to help with the boys. It would be great to have muffins in the freezer again! And pizza blanks, cookies and maybe some whoopie pies for snacks. I am also thinking of making some rolls and biscuits to freeze for later baking.

Wish me luck! And head on over to I'm An Organizing Junkie for more menu plans!

The Zombies - They Ate My Brain

Rough week..... I give you:

Bullet post of holding! (Like a bag of holding but, ya know, not)

• Braeden has been getting up at night to go potty. We are very happy and sooooo proud. But, he feels the need to make sure we know WHEN he is going. He will come into our bedroom, shake one of us awake and then tell us "I go pee pee!" And he does that every time he gets up to use the bathroom. So much fun. Steven thinks he is hoarding his pee for night just so he can wake him up!
  
• One of the stray cats that adopted us is having kittens. She has had two so far. I am less than amused. I was looking for a home for her when she got preggers. Now I have even more cats to find homes for! At least they are cute.
• The other female cat that adopted us is preggers too.
• The fans quit working in my van so I am constantly in danger of overheating (the van, not me) and must have them fixed. Dual fans. Both broken. $$$ My mechanic, Dr. Bob, is checking the junkyard for a set this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed. $30 is a lot better than $250 for parts.
• Spring Break is officially here! All 3 kids are home for the next week. I am both looking forward to it and dreading it.
• Steven's boss is an asshat. Steven almost went and got another job and then calmed down. I wish he would get another job, the guy is a real jerk.
• I am addicted to the game Plants vs Zombies. So is Jenna.
• I am scared of Jillian Michaels. Her 30 Day Shred shredded my ass about 10 minutes into it. I need to get in shape in order to get in shape. Sad.
• Braeden went for an observation visit at the USM School of Psychology and has another appointment there in a week and a half. He has a big eval/ testing date at the psychologist's office on April 6th.
• Malachai thinks he is in charge. He is turning 3 on the 21st. I need to disabuse him of that notion soon.
• My printer broke. My house phone is on the fritz. Everything waits until we are broke to break.
• I need a date night and I think I may insist on it this week.
  
• Steven has a "date" on Tuesday night with a lesbian. LMAO His friend Shana that he works with is leaving and he is going out drinking with her. All of their coworkers think they have a "thing" even though she has a girlfriend. I just giggle. Shana is a sweetheart. I may end up going out with them.
• I am stressed. I am tired. I need a massage and a hot bath. I need a hug. I need a drink.
• I'm going to get a few of those tonight.......

Back again soon. Promise.

The Softer Side of the WOM

For anyone confused by the term WOM, it stands for Wingmen of Mayhem and is the nickname that I gave my sons some time ago. Very appropriate on most days! However, they have their softer sides. Today, they both spent a good amount of time picking flowers, leaves, blades of grass and little sticks and bringing them to me. Because they love me! How sweet..... and they do this almost every day that they play outside and can find flowers. In the winter, they bring me colored leaves and rocks.

Here is the cute little vase of flowers that came of their offerings (Thanks to Jenna for arranging them!).



So, in the middle of stress, anxiety and chaos..... the Wingmen prevail with offerings of love and beauty. And my day is just a little bit brighter as a result.

Thank you for all of the awesome and supportive comments lately. Your kind thoughts and warm wishes are the flowers that I needed......

Flawz

Epic Fail

So, I have epic fail on the blog front for the past few weeks. In my defense, things have been kind of crazy. However, in reality, I was avoiding the actual process of writing. Sometimes you need to ignore things. And, for me, when I physically write something out it becomes more "real". So, in order to avoid allowing certain things to gain that concrete "realness" in my head.... I just haven't written them down.

Not healthy. And it doesn't change a damn thing.

On February 15th (cause appointments were canceled on the 12th due to snow!) Braeden had his initial appointment with a psychologist. This was the basic "get to know him, get his history and observe him" appointment. The final outcome of the appointment was that the psychologist is fairly certain that he is falling within the autism spectrum.

Autism.

It seems to be the giant boogie man of the parental sphere anymore. It's the huge monster that looms in the background for any child deemed "different" or "odd". Any child with behavioral issues. Any child with socialization problems. Any child with developmental problems. That's the diagnosis that we all fear. Why?

For me, autism has been the elephant in my home for two years. The thing I tried not to think about or talk about. Even though I had a very good idea that that was really what was going on with my son.

Well, you can only ignore an elephant for so long before it tramples on your cats.

The diagnosis is by no means definite as of right now. We still have to go through the official evaluations. And we will also be having separate evaluations with another group. But. But....

I was not surprised by this. I was upset by it and disappointed. (It would have been really nice to hear that I was imagining the whole thing) But I was not surprised.

And there are so many other things that could be going on with him. SO many other issues that could be harder to deal with and with a much poorer prospect for his future.

But it sure is hard to finally look that elephant in the eyes and name it Norbert.

Jumpstart

A quick note to let everyone know we survived the great snowstorm of 2010 in Mississippi! We had about 3 inches of accumulation on Friday and had a blast playing in it. The kids loved seeing the snow actually falling and built snowmen and threw snowballs. Jenna made zombie snowmen in the front yard and we had the apocalypse going on.... red food coloring blood, snow corpse and all. I am missing the cord for my camera but Jenna has some pics up over here. I will try to post some more soon (once I find that damn cord).

All is well. I have had a rough few days. I had a meeting/ consultation with a psychologist regarding Braeden and will post about it later. Now I have to head up to his school for a late Valentines Day/ Mardi Gras party.....

ZOMG! It's The A-freaking-pocolypse!

Here in Southern Mississippi we are expecting about 3 - 5 inches of snow overnight. It is supposed to start this evening and snow off and on until around lunchtime tomorrow. Now, I am from Florida so I am probably overly excited about the prospect of seeing snow for the second time this year. However..... I am not freaking out.

Come on, folks! We are talking about MAYBE 3 inches of snow accumulation. Maybe. It will probably end up mostly sleet and rain. But when I stopped at wally world a bit ago to pick up a few things, you would have thought the end of the world was nigh!

People rushing everywhere, stockpiling on everything and lines out the ying yang. Wow. Personally, I keep about 2 - 4 weeks of food on hand at all times. And I have water. And I even have wood although we never use the fireplace because I do not trust my boys around it.

Come on folks. Even if we get the 5 inches, the chances that we will be "snowed in" or lose power are slim to none.

Personally, I am planning to make a snow man or two with the kids (school is cancelled for tomorrow) and watch the snow fall.

Then I plan on taking a hot bath and drinking some hot tea and relaxing.

I'll be back with pics of any snow we may get!

Kreative Blogger Award!

Mother Moon's Message bestowed an award upon me several weeks ago. In the midst of all of my drama and hullabaloo, I had not had a chance to post about it. So, here it is!

I am actually really really honored to get the Kreative Blogger award, seeing as how I have not felt very creative lately! Thank you so much for the award.

Seven Rules:
- Thank the person who gave the award to you - Thank you Mama Moon! I love your blog and really, truly appreciate the award.
- Copy the award to your blog - Done
- Place a link to their blog - See above!
- List 7 things people do not know about you - See below
- Nominate 7 other bloggers - See below
- Link to the bloggers you nominate - See below
- Comment on their blogs to let them know - Will do!

So, it has taken me some time to think of seven interesting things about myself. See, I don't generally think of myself as being all that interesting! Plus, I usually lay it all out there. There isn't too much about me that I have not talked about on this blog! LOL But, with some thought, and some help from my MIL, I came up with the following:

1. I am a Romulan... ha! I know, you are shaking your head now. But, that is what my MIL calls me. It's because I am weird about food. My SIL is the same way and so my MIL always called her a Romulan and now I am called that as well. I am weird about my food in that I do NOT like my food to touch any other food on my plate. Especially corn. Corn cannot be in anything or touch anything if I am going to eat it. Really. And if food touches on my plate, the part that has touched will PROBABLY be thrown away. My MIL periodically buys me divided plates and laughs at me. But, my food rules are serious. I have no control over it. It is just part of my weird OCDness!

2. I am a Virgo, born on August 28, 1974. My husband is also a Virgo (September 12, 1970). I share a birthday with his cousin. I am the same age as his sister. He is a Dog and I am a Tiger. His sister is also a Tiger. Tigers and Dogs get along really well.

3. My husband and I were both very close friends with the same person for more than a dozen years. But, we never met each other in all that time. The night that we finally met, we hooked up immediately. You can read more about our story here. Personally, I think we both had to grow and learn before we were right for each other, but it was fate that we be together eventually!

4. I used to run a quail farm. My father ran it for years and when he needed to retire, I took over. It was fun in some ways but too time consuming when I was working two other jobs. The quail were cute when they were little but boy are those birds dumb! I used to catch and deliver thousands of birds at a time to hunt clubs for hunters to shoot at. I always ended up with poop in my hair and scratches all over me from their little claws and beaks. Darn birds. ANd I don't even want to talk about trying to catch them when it had been raining and the flight pens were muddy!!!

5. I also used to work as a laborer for my father. He was a mason/ bricklayer. I worked for him for several years. I mixed up mud (mortar mix), stacked brick, cleaned joints, dug footers and did anything else he needed me to do. He was starting to teach me to lay brick, too. But, I was also working two other jobs at the time and the office job ended up winning out over the laboring jobw hen push came to shove. But I used to liek working with him and being out int he sun. I would wear a bikini top or tank top with some cut off shorts. The other construction workers used to give me lots of crap! LOL But I was in better shape then that at any other time in my life!

6. I never wanted children. When I was growing up, I never babysitted or even wanted to babysit. I thought babies smelled weird and never wanted to be tied down by kids. I wanted to be a single, strong woman with no ties so that I could do whatever I wanted. Then, I had my daughter at 19. And I still did not want any more children. I loved Jenna, never would have changed having her, BUT... that was it. Then, I ended up a SAHM with 3 kids. LOL And I love it. Just goes to show that you never can tell what life will bring to you. And sometimes, what you think you want is not what will be best for you.

7. My Mom just told me something really interesting. I called her and told her that I had no idea what #7 should be because I don't think I am very interesting. She told me that one of the things she thinks is most interesting about me (to her) is that while I am not religious at all and do not go to church, I am one of the most spiritual people she knows. ANd that my grandmother thinks the same thing! So, I guess one more interesting fact about me is that I view myself differently than others do! The things about myself that I think are just boring and jsut plain old me.... others think are interesting or fascinating.

ANyway!

I would love to give this award to 7 others.... but I suck at that kind of thing. Most people that I would have given this to have already gotten it. I do have a three bloggers that I enjoy who I think deserve this that I do not think have gotten it yet. I am sure there are more and if I think of any I will come back and post them as well! Here goes:

Christina from Beena's Blog
Ana from I'm a Hodge Podge
Lesley from Life at the Beck's

Heading out to let these ladies know..... I also got another award that I will try to post about soon. And I have plenty of everyday posts to write! LOL

Still here....

I'm still around. We are having some issues with Jenna and her emotional state/ school stuff/ teen stuff. I am just trying to get through each day right now.

Yesterday I met with the behavioral specialist for Braeden's school and went over her report/ evaluations of him from seeing him in class. meh. She is referring him to a specialist at USM for further evaluations. She didn't tell me anything I didn't know already and some things she said I did not agree with. But, a separate evaluation in addition to the one he will be getting from the psychologist he will see next week will be welcome. Independent evaluations and observations. We'll see what comes of them.

I have a meeting with Jenna's guidance counselor and her next week to discuss colleges and career choices since she is having such a difficult time right now.

I feel like I am running from one meeting to the mext, from one emergency/ situation to the next, from one problem to the next. I am getting nothing accomplished, just spinning my wheels....

I'll be back when I have something to say. Other than gah and meh.

Another Day - Another Struggle

First, thank you so much for the wonderful comments and emails. It really made my day easier!

Now, I must be honest. If I can't be honest here in blogland then where can I be honest? I smoked. I did. Although, I do not consider it a failure by any means. Rather than a normal pack and a half day, yesterday I smoked a half a pack. And each time I broke down, I reaffirmed my determination that I am done. I tried again each time. And I will try again today. I am int his for the long haul. I need to quit. I want to quit. I am quitting.

So keep on sending me warm thoughts of strength as I struggle through each day trying to make each smoke the last.

Seriously, it felt like there was a 178 foot cigarette standing outside my house peeking in the window at me. All day long. And it kept whispering to me. It sucked. I hate you giant cigarette addiction man. I hate you.

A Day of Change

Today is my quit date. No more cigarettes for me. I will update later. Right now I need to go and get a drink.... LOL

Send me positive energy, prayers, thoughts, strength and determination... Please!

Emails and comments giving encouragement would be awesome. My email is faeriecastle at yahoo dot com


UPDATE- That's so weird that this posted with yesterday's date. February 1st is today, right???

Blazing Saddles

I am back in the saddle and raring to go! We have all mostly recovered and are healthy once again. I hate sick kids, they are so whiny and pitiful! LOL

In the midst of the sickness, we purchased (with a helpful loan from a good friend of mine, Thanks Julia!) a new (to us) van. Our old van has been having issues and our mechanic said it was time to retire the old girl. To get it where it needed to be would cost more than it was worth. So, I checked out a few vehicles and looked on Craig's List. I found a van for sale that sounded to good to be true and went to check it out. Long story short:

It's a 1999 Plymouth Voyager Expresso. It has about 154,000 miles on it. It has 4 new tires (less than a year old) and has had the water pump replaced recently. It is in good condition both on the body and the interior. The AC and heat both work, the stereo is great, it has dual airbags, anti lock brakes and cruise control. It has only one minor flaw.... it is missing one of the center captain's chairs. That's why he was selling it as cheaply as he was. Even without that chair, the van still seats 5 or 6.

We paid $1600 for it. Blue book value for a private sale for this van is $2400. ANd my mechanic is looking for a new chair for me now!

I am happy with it and will post pictures one day soon. It's purple!

I have to take Braeden to a therapy session today. He has been having some issues with his potty training lately and we need to discuss them with his therapist. Hopefully we will get some great ideas on how to get him to actually USE the potty at home instead of peeing wherever he happens to be. He also has an appointment with a psychiatrist in February for evaluations. I am keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well there.

Malachai is .... being a toddler. He has had some of the worst temper tantrums lately! It makes me crazy. I am trying to come up with a plan to help him deal with transitions better. And I am about to institute a "naughty spot" for both boys. I am tired of fighting with them all the time! They need to learn consequences and I am turning to the Super Nanny for some ideas ont his.

Jenna is having some issues about her future. She is young. She is scared. And she is feeling pressured to make decisions that she does not feel ready to make. About college and career fields and the future. Poor baby. Feel free to pop over to her blog and leave her some encouragement!

I am trying to set up my lenu plan for the next week or so and then get on the ball with cleaning and getting my house recovered from being a sick house. But I am also working on my knitting and getting a very nice gift basket of goodies together for a giveaway!

I am off to visit all of your blogs now and see if I can catch up on my reading!

Sick House

I promise to come back and post regularly again soon. Right now, my house is a sick house. I thought Braeden was better but had to go pick him up from school. Poor baby, his stomach hurts and he is running a temp again. Steven (hubby) is sick. Malachai is sick. Jenna is back at school but I had to pick her up yesterday after her third bloody nose.

Now I feel sick. Sigh.

Last night, Braeden burped and told me he had farted from his mouth. Boys. Gotta love em!

Boys Will Be Boys

I have several posts floating around in my head.... but I have been in a funk for the past few days. I am still trying to get around it. For now, I leave you with this....


Today, I was driving to pick Jenna up from school and I turned on the radio. After a few minutes, I heard Braeden holler something from the back seat. I tuened off the radio and asked him what he said. He said "Turn music back on!" so I did but turned it down so I could hear him better. Then he told me he wanted me to "go fast, Mommy!". Turn the music on and go fast.

I am in trouble when that boy turns 16.

Haiti

I'm having a rough day. I have been trying to find ways to focus more on the positive but today is just not helping. Case in point:

Haiti. Those poor people! Already living in poverty with political unrest and horrible situations, now an earthquake comes along and flattens them. The outpouring of humanitarian aid is nice. But you know what bothers me? The fact that the people of Haiti may end up better off after this recovery process than they were before the earthquake. Countries around the world are sending medical help, food, clothing, shelter, aid for rebuilding their homes and their infrastructure. And it took the deaths of who knows how many poeple, the destruction of businesses, homes and a way of life to get the rest of the world to really care. Yes, I know that there have been peacekeeping missions and Doctors Without Borders and other charities trying to help them for years. But. But.

How many Americans really paid any attention to the situations these people lived in prior to this? I will be honest and say that I really didn't. And we are just one country. How many people the world over have been more concerned with buying a better iPod than with feeding other people, making sure they have potable water, helping to provide health care for people with NO OPTIONS and keeping children from starving to death?

I have in the past said that I am more concerned with American children who are poor. That I am more worried about healthcare in America. That I don't have any way to help others until I am in a better situation.

Wow.

How incredibly asinine and isolationist of me.

I have no idea how to help. I have no idea what to do. And I realize that my feeling guilty and horrible for past thoughts and behaviors does nothing good for anyone. I have no money to send.

But at least I can send my thoughts and prayers to the people of Haiti.

I Knitted!

Not a great pic but you get the idea! It's a washcloth. Knitted by me. My very first knitting project!! I took a class on Saturday and worked on this a bit over the past few days. Now I just have to practice and learn more advanced things and I am on my way! I really enjoyed the actual knitting. Which is good. So, look for occasional updates on what my knitting needles are up to...

Onto a completely different subject...

I signed Malachai up for school today. Well. I turned in his application for the Early Headstart program. His speech therapist and I are in agreement that he really needs some socialization. His speech delay appears to be because of learning to speak from his brother (who has a speech disorder) so we hope that being around other children who speak without the issues that Braeden has will push Mal to speak more clearly. Clearer. Whatevs. You know what I mean, right?

There is a new program about to start for infants in our county which he may qualify for. Otherwise it would be next year before he can enter the 3 year old program. IF he gets accepted. Please keep your fingers crossed for us!

I am exhausted. Again. It seems to be a recurring thing with me lately. Like for the past 4 or 5 years. HA! *gigglesnort*

I am planning out my giveaway and I know that it will include several handmade items and some special little things.... but I am not giving it away yet! I will probably plan on getting it ready to go and posting the official giveaway announcement in a week or so.

For now... off to watch some trashy TV, start knitting another project and put my feet up.

Tomorrah is anothah day......

Soup, Snow and Sauce

No snow yet. But the schools are all closed tomorrow because of the possibility of icy roads. No one here in MS has snow tires or whatever. Icy roads = dangerous. No school for any of the kiddos tomorrow! But, I do have to venture out to take Steven to work around noon. Hopefully by then the roads will be okay.

I made soup for dinner. My famous (in my own head) pantry cleaning soup! I used the leftover turkey carcass I had in my freezer from Thanksgiving and made some stock. Picked the bones for meat and added carrots, onion, garlic, a can of diced potatoes from the cabinet, a can of diced rutabaga, a can of tomato with chilis and some frozen green beans. Lots of herbs and spices, an imerssion blender and lots of cooking and I have a fab soup. I served it with a brown and red rice, barley and rice mix that I made. Yummy. And perfect for this icy night! And really.... pretty damn healthy too!

I got an order from Eden Fantasy today and one of my items is defective. Hate it when I have to do any kind of returns!

I am about to go and fix myself a drink... Jack and Coke for Mama. Steven is closing tonight and will not be home until around 1 AM but has a ride home so I do not have to venture out. So, time to have a drink, take a bath, read some trashy novels and relax!!!!!!

Hope you are all safe, warm and happy on this cold winter night!