Sunday, February 28, 2010

Epic Fail

So, I have epic fail on the blog front for the past few weeks. In my defense, things have been kind of crazy. However, in reality, I was avoiding the actual process of writing. Sometimes you need to ignore things. And, for me, when I physically write something out it becomes more "real". So, in order to avoid allowing certain things to gain that concrete "realness" in my head.... I just haven't written them down.

Not healthy. And it doesn't change a damn thing.

On February 15th (cause appointments were canceled on the 12th due to snow!) Braeden had his initial appointment with a psychologist. This was the basic "get to know him, get his history and observe him" appointment. The final outcome of the appointment was that the psychologist is fairly certain that he is falling within the autism spectrum.


It seems to be the giant boogie man of the parental sphere anymore. It's the huge monster that looms in the background for any child deemed "different" or "odd". Any child with behavioral issues. Any child with socialization problems. Any child with developmental problems. That's the diagnosis that we all fear. Why?

For me, autism has been the elephant in my home for two years. The thing I tried not to think about or talk about. Even though I had a very good idea that that was really what was going on with my son.

Well, you can only ignore an elephant for so long before it tramples on your cats.

The diagnosis is by no means definite as of right now. We still have to go through the official evaluations. And we will also be having separate evaluations with another group. But. But....

I was not surprised by this. I was upset by it and disappointed. (It would have been really nice to hear that I was imagining the whole thing) But I was not surprised.

And there are so many other things that could be going on with him. SO many other issues that could be harder to deal with and with a much poorer prospect for his future.

But it sure is hard to finally look that elephant in the eyes and name it Norbert.


Rachel said...

You know I want to say "Sorry for your loss", which sounds sort of wrong. I mean to say I'm sorry for the grieving process that happens after a diagnosis like this. I'm sorry the future you thought your son had is not the same as the one he's going to have. I'm sorry the hopes and ambitions you had for him have been lost and changed.
But I'd also like to say I'm sure the future still holds lots of wonderful things for both of you.

Anonymous said...

Well I think Autism is a lot better understood now than ever before and they seem to be really putting a lot of effort into it.

Good luck, I'm sure it will all work fine.

Christina said...

glad to have you back to blogging. Im sorry its looking to be autism. I know having a "diagnosis" is probably a mixed experience...somewhat of a relief but also sure to cause some anxiety. Its a difficult disorder to understand. Im sure it doesnt change much though, you know what I mean? He can still be doing as well as you thought he was.....
There are lots of people to "overcome" an autism diagnosis (Jenny mcarthys kid comes to mind, famously) but also so, so many more people who have normal everyday lives and develop just fine being autistic.
There are many extremes of autism, I mean. It seems like. Plus its not so uncommon these days to be diagnosed with it and sort of, like I mentioned before...."overcome" it later/outgrow it.

Do you feel like his autistic tendencies are more developmental or behavorial? (Like enjoys playing by himself and doesnt socialize.....or has speech delays or other more physical symtoms, for instance)

Its such a mixed disorder how they have thrown all of these very different manifestations into one diagnosis....which is why so many people with autism can have such different outcomes and behaviors and symptoms and whatnot.

I think the DSM needs differetn versions of autism (or is there) or just sperate diagnosis for behavioral vs developmental. Surely they do go hand in hand quite often but sometimes they dont.

Sorry to write a novel. I dont know much about it except for in developmental psych class.

I hope to hear from you soon on here with an update

JoeyRes said...

I hope an official diagnosis helps you get what you need for your son. I'll be thinking of you!

Mother's Moon's Message said...

Tracy, it is so good to hear from you again. wish it could be on brighter terms...My thoughts and prayers are with you. I would like to give you some wise advice that would help you deal with all that seems to happening yet I have not experienced it. Stay strong... as I sure you are doing the best you can.. and lean on friends... blessings

Nana The Nana said...

Yes dear girl, we have known all along it looked like this would be the answer. You are doing a great job with your son so far. The diagnosis will not change that, only maybe get him more help. Keep your chin up, he is a wonderful little boy. Stay strong. I pray for you to have the strength to deal with this. Love and hugs.

Bridgett said...

Tracy...I've been in your shoes. In fact, I still am.

If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask. I've been an autism warrior mommy for almost 6 years now.

There is so much that can be done.

E-mail me anytime or message me on FB if you feel the need.