Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Coming To A Womb Near You

I have been having a lot of thoughts in my head lately. I know. Shocking. But, really, I have been thinking about being a mom. Or, a parent in general. And what it means to be a good parent. A good mom. How much can a mom do and still do right by her children? How many kids can a family raise and raise correctly? How much is too much?

This stems from a rash of pregnancies both here in blog land and in my real life mother's group. And I am wondering when and if we will have another child. On one hand.... I don't want this to be it. I want to experience pregnancy again. I want to have another sweet smelling, cuddly baby in my life. I want to have those feelings again.

But is this just a yearning for the feelings? Or is it a true yearning for another CHILD. Because, as we all know, the actual raising of a child is much more than sweet smelling, cuddly baby feelings.

And I am trying to figure out where I stand on this. Am I, as a mom, capable of loving, nurturing and raising another child? Where do I draw the line and say... this is it? This is all that I can do and still do it well.

And, in the same vein, am I doing well as it is? What defines being a good mother? You can keep your child safe, fed, dry, clothed, with a roof over their heads and make sure they go to school. But that is not all there is to raising children. Am I doing what needs to be done to make my children into good adults? Are they happy? Will they BE happy? Who knows? Not me. I mean, I THINK I am doing a decent job. I KNOW that I am stretched thin. I would never even think about having another baby right now. There is no way in hell I could handle another one right now.

But when will the time be right? And if I wait for the time to be right.... will it ever happen? Do we really want it to happen?


Too many thoughts in my head. Too many questions. I know that we will be waiting at least until The Boy is in Kindergarten before we get pregnant. So why am I even worrying about it now?

Baby Fever. Coming to a womb near you.

Feel free to tell me your thoughts on what makes a good parent. And also on when, how and if you decided enough was enough. I really am interested!


InTheFastLane said...

We thought two was enough...and then we had a 3rd. We knew we were done after that. But, I am not sure how we "knew" we were done, other than 3 seems like more than enough many times :)

I think I am a good mother, most of the time and sometimes I think I am terrible. But, I believe that the important part isn't to be perfect, but that your children know that they are cared for and loved and that you have their best interests in your heart.

Nana The Nana said...

Dear girl, there will come a time when you will hold someone's sweet smelling little bundle, smile and enjoy the feeling then pass the little one on and be glad to do it! I remember when that day hit me. Until then, stick to your guns about no more right now. You have your hands, all of them, full of what you have to deal with. And they all need so much of you that you have little left to give. Hold on and wait. P.S. You are a good mother and give a lot to your family. They are lucky to have you. I am proud of you and the woman, wife and mother you are. Love and hugs.

Jessica said...

I know how you feel. I often look at my children and think how it would be an injustice to not have another awesome unique individual, but then I think financially and physically they are enough. I know they say that you manage regardless but I sometimes wonder if having another would cause too little attention for the older 2. Mr. Bum made it clear that altough he loves our children he has no interest in another. He turned 40 last month and feels he might be too old to handle another baby. I respect that. I do think that if he felt different we would have another in 3 or 4 years.
Although I knew he didn't want anymore I still couldn't get my tubes tied. I wasn't and still am not ready for that kind of finality.

I often feel like I suck as a mother but my children seem healthy (most of the time) and happy so maybe I'm not doing too bad. I always feel like I could be doing a better job.

Jen said...

*ahem* Mama, I have something to say. It is a very well thought out and organized reply:

nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! NO! No more!

Pioneering in PA said...

I have 4 guys, although my hubby only physically has 1 that is his, the little guy. I so desperately don't want another one. I want the finality that comes with knowing that I will have 5 minutes to myself at some point while they go to school. I look forward to PTA, bake sales, plays, and sports. I do NOT want that marred with another little one riding my hip.
I feel bad for not wanting to give my hubby 1 more of his own, even if he does love all of the kids the same. But, at this point in my life (a whole whopping 28 years old) I really don't feel that another child is in the books.
When I see a baby, I coo, and my womb aches, and I hold all of them that I can. I think about all of the snuggling I'm missing out on, then my 3 year old races by attacking one of the older kids and everything is right in the world again.
I'm not a perfect mother. Sometimes, I get mean mommy mode, order my kids to do what I say and don't question me, I scream, I yell, I shout, and I punish. But it's all worth it when at any given moment they will run up to me, give me a hug, and say "I love you mommy."
My sister has 6 kids, and those 4 words are something I never hear from her kids. I feel blessed!

Asthmagirl said...

I think you know when you feel at capacity. I hated stopping but knew I needed to focus on the ones I had. Now, I can appreciate that my work is almost done and I can enjoy the second phase, adult children that I like hanging out with... that's how you know you did the first phase right! They turn into humans!