Sunday, January 29, 2012

Heartbroken

Any of my readers who are also friends with me on Facecrack already know that my Mother passed away. She was always after me to write in this blog more often. So, in memory of her and to help me work through my grief and get my life back on track  here it goes....

Sandra Lee Basel White
February 14, 1945 - December 29, 2011

A friend of my Mom's read the following at her Memorial Mass: 
Good morning. I am Patti T***r and I have had the privilege of working with Sandy the past 27 years. But I am not here just as a co-worker, because Sandy was so much more than that to me. When her family asked me to speak today, I started thinking of what Sandy would want to me tell you. 

The word FAMILY kept coming into my head. I think the most important thing to Sandy was FAMILY
•not just her natural family – her mother, sisters, children, and grandchildren
•but also her spiritual family here at this church which she loved
•her family at Curves who helped her stay physically active
•and her family at Waldo Community School of coworkers, students, parents, and grandparents.

Many of you know me and know that I come from a very small family, of which I am the only one left. Sandy and I had known each other for 11 years when my mother died, and I became a family of 1. Sandy never tried to “be my mom” at that time, but she definitely adopted me into her family. 
•She would invite me to family gatherings at times she knew it would be difficult for me to be alone. 
•She would let me moan, groan, and complain - and later forget I ever said anything.
•She would irritate me, I think sometimes on purpose - just so we could laugh about it later.
•She was always patient with me when I needed some distance, and she was loving when I needed a slap up side the head.
•She would remember my birthday and ALWAYS sing “Happy Birthday” to me.
•She would celebrate my successes and mourn my losses as if I was her daughter.

And that’s what family does
•they make you feel wanted,
•they comfort you,
•they make you laugh, 
•they make you cry, 
•they frustrate you, 
•they correct you, 
•they are patient with you, 
•they embrace you, 
•they just love you. 

Sandy was family – She truly comforted, corrected, embraced, and loved everyone in her many families. 

Some of my students drew pictures and wrote letters which I gave to the family on Wednesday. One young man was absent Wednesday, so he gave me his card late. He drew a picture of a heart with a circle in the middle.  When I first looked at it, I saw a hole – a place in all of our hearts where we miss Sandy. 

This morning when I looked at it, I saw it completely differently. I see it as a little piece of Sandy living our hearts. I believe Sandy will always be with us. And I think Sandy would want everyone to remember to look for those people we can embrace into our families as she did. And then love them as Sandy loved us.



What Patti wrote really speaks volumes about the type of woman my Mother was. She loved everyone. You can read a little but about her life HERE where I wrote about her before.


I am devestated. I feel as if a part of me is missing and it hurts tremendously. Every day I struggle to go through the motions, to get back to where I need to be with my life and my home. And every day I feel as if I am failing.


And then I remind myself that it has only been a month since I lost one of the most important and possibly the most influential person in my life. The pain will continue for a long time. I have to learn to embrace it and then move onward and upward each day. And eventually it will get easier. It's hard to believe that right now.


I tried to find a song to post that was one of her favorites. It sucked. I cried. I tried to find a song to describe how I am feeling. It sucked. I cried. I tried to write something that actually had some depth and used correct punctuation and grammar and expressed how I am feeling. It sucked. I cried.


And that's how life is going for me right now.

5 comments:

amalisewhite said...

I love you. HUGS. <3

Tigerlilly said...

Tracy, I am so very sorry for your loss. I will always remember the day that you were with me for my mom's memorial and that kindness will never be forgotten. XOXO Robin

Mother Moon said...

so sorry for your loss.. yet she sounds like a truly wonderful woman... people like that cant help but linger in others. blessings

Tracy DeLuca said...

Robin! I have no way to contact you so I hope you come back and see this. PLEASE email me at faeriecastle at yahoo dot com I have been thinking of you and would love to catch up!

Laura~peach~ said...

hugs. you are truey blessed to have such a woman in your life and to have her legacy live in you :)