Books, Behavior and Birthday Bashes

"If I had not been what I am, what would I have been?"

Excerpt from Elizabeth Moon's wonderful, compelling novel The Speed of Dark. I just finished reading this book for the second time. It is such a powerful and well written book that it affected me just as strongly the second time as the first. Isn't that the true test of any story? Even knowing what happens.... are you still on the edge of your seat? Do you still turn each page with bated breath waiting to see what happens next.... even when you already know? Love this book. It is set in the "near future" and is the story of an autistic man and his struggle to find who he is and decide whether an experimental "cure" is the right path for him or not.

Just thought I would share. Anyone looking for a great story that will make you think.... go read this one!

The Boy started speech therapy at the elementary school this week. He is going twice a week for 1/2 hour sessions. We will see if it helps him or not. His old therapist who came to the house each week is wonderful. We will really miss her! She came by Tuesday to see how his first day went and recommended a book for me to read. It is The Einstein Syndrome: Bright Children Who Talk Late by Thomas Sowell. She said that as she was reading it, all she could think of was my boy. Here is the description:

The Einstein Syndrome is a follow-up to Late-Talking Children, which established Thomas Sowell as a leading spokesman on the subject. While many children who talk late suffer from developmental disorders or autism, there is a certain well-defined group who are developmentally normal or even quite bright, yet who may go past their fourth birthday before beginning to talk. These children are often misdiagnosed as autistic or retarded, a mistake that is doubly hard on parents who must first worry about their apparently handicapped children and then must see them lumped into special classes and therapy groups where all the other children are clearly very different.Since he first became involved in this issue in the mid-1990s, Sowell has joined with Stephen Camarata of Vanderbilt University, who has conducted a much broader, more rigorous study of this phenomenon than the anecdotes reported in Late-Talking Children. Sowell can now identify a particular syndrome, a cluster of common symptoms and family characteristics, that differentiates these late-talking children from others; relate this syndrome to other syndromes; speculate about its causes; and describe how children with this syndrome are likely to develop.

Sounds like a book I need to read. I plan on picking a copy up sometime fairly soon. It may just help me understand and deal with my middlest child. One can only hope.

Last week he decided to push his brother over in the high chair. Scared the hell out of the baby and me. He is fine, wasn't hurt at all, but I thought I was going to have a heart attack I was so scared. These behavior issues that The Boy has, and the aggression and violence, may be part of his speech issues. Or they may be separate issues altogether.

All I know is that it definitely makes for stressful times. And interesting!

My birthday was low key and mostly quiet. We may have a little celebration this weekend. Steven got the whole weekend off so we could do something and now this damn hurricane is threatening the area! So... I think we may just have some friends over for dinner one night and have a cake and I will get drunk here at home and molest my husband and then pass out. Sounds good to me!

Catch ya on the flip side!

My Special Child

There are times when I feel like a total fraud. I talk about my son and his issues and I am so overwhelmed at times that I am just not sure how to handle everything. And then I see a child who is so much worse either behaviorally or physically and I feel like a fraud. Who am I to complain about my sons tantrums or aversions or obsessions? At least he can walk and feed himself. At least his brain functions and he is smart and will get through his issues and not be dealing with the majority of them for his entire life. A mother who is part of a playgroup with me emailed me the other day to see how I was. One of the things she said was that those of us with high needs children have to stick together and help one another. And I felt like a complete fraud. My child is not THAT BAD.

So then, that begs the question, how bad is THAT bad? When does a child become "high needs" and when is he just a spoiled brat? When do I admit that I have a special needs child? AM I in denial or is he already there? I have no clue. I do know that having someone understand why I hesitate to go on play dates or have anyone over to the house is a real help. At least I know I am not alone.

I am struggling right now with deciding whether The Boy needs a diagnosis or a label. Whether it would benefit him or hurt him in the long run. Whether he is really a special needs child in more than just speech or if he is just highly gifted with a brain that works a little different and maybe a few extra quirks to make life interesting.

There are days that all I want to do is run away. When I am absolutely positive that I cannot take another tantrum or food issue or sleepless night. When I know that someone else could handle all of this so much better than I am. When I feel that I am doing all that I can possibly do and it is still not enough.

And then there are days when I look at that sweet face and know..... that he is special in all of the most important ways. He is my special, sweet, smart, wonderful child. And whatever comes in the future.... we will handle together.

So. My "special needs" or "high needs" child is just right for me. I could not imagine life without him. Now I have to take one step at a time and find what is right for us. What is right for HIM. And make sure that I "mama bear" it into happening.....

The Black Eyed Boy and The Insomniator

So. My Girl is settled in school quite happily this year and I have no crazy stories or stressful tales to share about her first week. Anyone who wants to see how she is doing can pop over to her blog and say hi!

As for the boys..... well. That is what this post is all about.

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy as far as the boys go. The Baby is no longer a baby. He is a toddler and hell bent on being just like his brother. Ha. He climbs on anything, jumps off of things, runs everywhere, gets into trouble specifically to see what I will do about it and generally does whatever his brother does. It is very very tiring. BUT. He is also still my snuggle bunny. He comes up and climbs in my lap and hugs and snuggles and gives one big, wet kiss after the other. And when he is done he jumps down and runs over to his brother and tackles him! LOL He is giving me about the normal amount of toddler mayhem in my day. With an extra dose of toddler love to make up for any trouble. The main issue with him lately has been the number of bumps, bruises, scratches and general boo-boos that he is covered in from day to day. he is all boy, rough and tumble and no doubt about it. He is, however, sporting a nice black eye right now, courtesy of his brother and a frying pan. We were all in the kitchen and the boys were playing with pots and pans.... then the baby started screaming and I turned around to see The Boy with a frying pan in hand. Since I did not actually SEE what happened, I am pretending it was an accident. And putting a lock on the cabinet where I keep the pots and pans. The poor baby looks like he was beaten! It is now all yellow and green as it heals. My little bruiser!

The Boy. Well.

He has his good days and his bad days. He started seeing a counselor/ therapist for his behaviors. It's a little odd for me. We go see her and talk for a half an hour or so about what he has been doing and what I should be doing with him and then she takes him to a "play room" and plays/ observes him. And then comes back and gives me goals of things to work on for the next 2 weeks. He sees her every 2 weeks right now. I like her. She has not tried to tie him down to a specific diagnosis although we discussed several. She is very open to my opinions and feelings on what is going on with him. She listens to me and respects me as his mother and the one who knows him better than anyone else. Right now we are working on trying to give him controlled play areas. To help him focus on specific things and not get distracted and then out of control. It seems to be helping to some extent. When he has specific goals and specific toys/ activities and is not just left to play with whatever.... he is fine. He stays on task and plays nicely and is happy. Instead of getting lost in toys/ activities and then getting bored and acting out. If any of that makes sense. I'm not sure if I described it well or not.

She is also encouraging me to push his doctors in Jackson into referring him for a sleep study. She feels, and I agree, that he has a sleep disorder and that most of his behavior issues stem from being overtired. Extremely overtired/ sleep deprived. The cool thing is that when he went for his appointment in Jackson they actually wrote on his checkout form that he has a sleep disorder. This should make it easier to get them to refer him.

Speaking of the appointment in Jackson. That was just about the only good thing that came out of that trip. Otherwise it was a waste of time. And then they called me yesterday and wanted to say that they needed me to bring him back for another doctor to examine him so that they could give a recommendation on a dosage for melatonin. What? The trip takes two hours one way. So, drive a total of four hours, use about $40 worth of gas, lose a days work for Steven and drag two kids through all of that.... just for a dosage recommendation? No. I told them I needed a referral to someone in the area or I needed them to just confer with his regular pediatrician. That there was no way i could make the trip again when I had just been there and they told me they would just call me with the info. grrrrrrrr.

Anyway. So, I am waiting on the dosage info for the melatonin. Still. I am waiting on a referral for a sleep study. And, meanwhile, dealing with lack of sleep and behavior problems. He has turned three now so he is no longer eligible for the speech program that he was in. Now, he has to receive his speech therapy through the school system. He got turned down for Head start because we make too much money. (Ha!) So, I will have to transport him to the school twice a week for therapy starting in about 2 weeks.

gack.

I feel like it is just never ending.

And I am sleep deprived as well!

But, he is doing better as far as his speech goes. He is also doing a little better behavior wise. So, I see a glimmer of a reflection of a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep your fingers crossed that it is not a train. Or a dragon.

My Toddler is Going To Hell

Either that or just driving me crazy as just punishment for things I have done in my past. Something like that.

Lets look at the facts, shall we?

Braeden (The Boy) is 34 1/2 months old. He will be three in early August. When he was born, he had reflux. He nursed for 12 weeks and was not toooooo bad. He went on formula and then a different one and then a different one. We finally found one that seemed to help with the worst of it. We still spent his first six months dealing with constant spit up and no sleep. He screamed. All the time. It was bad.

Then he got a little better. He only screamed part of the time. And he hated going to sleep. The boy has only slept through the night maybe ten times in the past three years. Really. He will NOT go to bed without a fight. I am talking about kicking, hitting, biting, screaming, head butting, body thrashing fights. And hours of putting him back in bed every five minutes until he finally breaks down and falls asleep. Usually in the hallway.

And then there are the night terrors. And the sleep walking.

And a total refusal to nap at all.

So, is it any wonder the boy has behavior issues? He has never, not once in three years, gotten a good night's sleep. He has so-so sleeps. He has good mornings where he is pleasant and easy to be around and cooperative and only misbehaves in normal 3 yo ways. And then... by lunchtime... he melts down. He kicked me in the face the other night and I lost it. I started crying on the phone with my MIL and telling her that if he is not crazy by this point in the sleep deprivation cycle that I probably am!

Today, we went to Walmart. Which is a whole other blog post. But, the part of this that pertains to THIS post is that... my children are embarrassing. Really. Both boys spent the entire trip whining and crying and trying to climb out of the buggy. And then I noticed that they both had dirt on their faces. So, now I look like some kind of redneck, dirty kid, cannot control their kids mom. And they probably have 12 toes too.

I know that all kids give you hassles. God knows that I had to drag The Girl out of stores more than once when she was 3 - 4 yo. But.... maybe it is just that I lack the patience to deal with this. I would almost rather become a hermit than deal with this level of.... misbehavior... in public. For lack of a better word.

And he does.not.listen.to.me. At all. I feel like the three male people who live in my house cannot seem to hear the tone of my voice. I speak. I know I am speaking. I can hear myself. But, no response. I could be speaking klingon and dancing naked for all of the attention they pay to me.

I try. Goddess knows I try. I try to teach them to pick up their toys. And not eat each others bodily excretions. And maybe not grind chocolate into the carpet. And I try to teach them not to hurt each other. And to share. And to please please please not bite mommy. And I try to get them to understand that cooperation is best. Yeah right.

Toddlers. They are going to hell.

Wait. I am in hell now, aren't I?

Stress, Worry, Anxiety

I took The Baby in for his 15 month checkup today. It went well. He is too too funny! He has an ear way issue and when we have to go to the doctors he generally has to have the wax dug out of his ears. Or flushed out. So, today, when he saw the doctor come in the room he grabbed ahold of both of his ears and cried. Sad but funny! The doctor thought so too.



He is growing fine and his development is right where it should be. No problems.



But, since I was there, I decided to talk to doc about The Boys sleep issues and his aggression/ violence. The Boy has an appointment in mid-July in Jackson at the Child Development Clinic for some testing. The doctor wants me to discuss his sleep issues and possible supplements or medications with them at that appointment as he is not comfortable/ does not have as much experience with these issues. So. More waiting. As far as the violence.... he has referred us to a Family Counselor. The Boys first appointment is July 15. They are supposed to, basically, discuss with us different options for discipline and how to help The Boy channel his aggression and anger, etc. blah blah... I have no idea. Wait and see.....



So. Two major appointments coming up in July. Both having to do with psychological issues. sigh..... more stress and worry for me. I hate having my boy have issues and problems. And then, too, I worry that I am overreacting. Maybe this is just normal two - three year old behavior and I am just not used to it anymore. I don't think so. But it could be. Anyway.... I will keep all updated as I find anything out.



Update on the pay issue..... Steven says that his boss says that he did not work so he is not getting paid.



Yes. I am angry. Steven said he just had to leave before he did something he might regret. We had a talk. Ha. I talked. I told Steven that if he is not going to quit then he needed to request that he be put back on hourly wages. He has been basically giving this man $150 a week for the past year. Because of all of the extra hours he has worked. And if the man is going to screw him then he needs to go back to hourly. He will either work 40 hours and have a fixed schedule (opening up the possibility of a 2nd job or of me working on off days) OR he will get overtime and be better off money wise.



All I know is that he had better keep me away from his boss. I do NOT need to see him right now.



On top of the loss of $350 of pay, we also found out that our Water bill for this past month is about triple what it normally is. Because we had a toilet that was running constantly. We told the landlord about this on May 29th. He did not fix it until June 17th. They read our meter on the 20th (I think). So, the damn thing was running for, basically, 20 days after we told him about it. I am going to have to talk to him. I cannot afford to be paying a $200 water bill. AND, our stupid electric bill is crazy right now with the heat and having to run the AC.



Sorry. Stressing out.



I HATE being this stressed about money and bills. It affects my ability to enjoy my children. And it affects my ability to enjoy just about anything!

Gack.

Send positive thoughts my way. I need them!

Still Tired

The key to language for my middlest Wingman of Mayhem appears to be stimulation and new experiences. While we were in Florida he added about 5 or 6 new words! We are very excited by this. He also is responding to questions we ask him with more than just "no" or grunts. he is now saying "yes" and also nodding when appropriate. Not just some of the time, all of the time! I can't wait for his therapy session on Tuesday to talk to his therapist about his steps forward. Hopefully he will cooperate during therapy and actually speak.

Both of the boys made me crazy all day today. It was constant. From 8 AM until just a bit ago. The Boy was overtired and mean all day. he kept antagonizing the Baby and taking his toys. The Baby got mad and was mean back. I can't even blame him. If The Boy does not sleep good tonight I might be forced to eat my young tomorrow. Ha. Oh yeah... The Baby has now discovered how to take his diaper off. He peed on the fireplace hearth today. And was scared of the pee. Very funny stuff.

I am calling their pediatrician on Monday to look into some alternative meds for The Boy's sleep issues. I have heard from several people that melatonin (sp?) is a wonder drug for kids with sleep problems. If I can get him onto a schedule then I think it will be fine. And most of his behaviors lately are because he is tired. He was doing so well for a while. Then..... it all when down the crapper a couple of months ago. No idea why.

I am still exhausted. And the horrid day with the Wingmen did not help at all. Steven is mostly better. I am ready to crash and burn. I think I am going to go to bed soon. Maybe I can get a decent night's sleep tonight.

Need A New Dye Job

I have had an extremely rough and trying day. I am skipping any question answering for today and am going to pour out my story for you and ask for some pointers, advice, ideas or just plain old sympathy!

My middle child is .... difficult. He has a speech delay and some behavioral issues. He also has sleep problems and night terrors. You can read more about any of this here and here. When we had the new baby I really expected major issues of jealousy. But he was wonderful! He rarely acted jealous and he seemed to really love and enjoy his brother.

Fast forward to about a month ago.... three weeks ago. Ever since the baby quit nursing, The Boy has been having fits about his brother being on me. I don't know if he has all of a sudden decided that he is not a "baby" anymore and so he is a rival now... or if it is just because he is walking and climbing and playing more now so seems like a "threat" to the Boy. Who knows what goes through their heads? Certainly not me! There has been a lot of shoving and pulling and fighting over moms lap and basic bickering for the last little bit. I do my best to keep them from fighting too bad and accept that boys will be boys. The Baby is an instigator and will start a fight just to get his brother in trouble. I am not kidding. I had to institute a rule that if either one of them starts crying, they both get punished.

So, today I am standing int he kitchen at the bar, clipping coupons, blah blah blah. The boys are in the living room about 20 feet from me, playing. I hear this weird gurgling noise and look up.

The Boy had a plastic bag wrapped around the Baby's neck and was trying to strangle him. The Baby was hitting him and trying to get away.

I hollered and started to run in there. The Boy dropped the bag and ran. he knew he was in trouble. he knew he had done something wrong.

The Baby was fine. He was coughing and choking but seemed fine. I picked him up and checked him over closely and he calmed down really fast and went back to playing. Then I had to go get The Boy.

I was so upset that I was shaking. I was sooooo ANGRY with him. I could not trust myself to touch him, hardly, because I was scared that I would hurt him. I picked him up and made him look at his brother and told him what he had done wrong. Then I took him back to his bedroom, put him in the bed, told him not to move until i came and got him, shut the door, picked up the baby, cried, called my mom and smoked a cigarette.

When I went in to get the Boy a little bit later he was crying hysterically. I got him calmed down and told him he needed to hug his brother and tell him he was sorry for hurting him before he could come out of his room. It took me ten minutes of talking to him to get him to go hug his brother. Then they seemed OK and we went back to playing. With mommy watching them a lot closer.

Throughout the rest of the day today I witnessed, stopped and punished the following:

The Boy sitting on his brother's back - 3 times
The Boy standing on his brother - once
The Boy kicking his brother - 4 times
The Boy pushing his brother off of the couch - once
The Boy hitting his brother with a keyboard - once
The Boy shoving, hitting and otherwise injuring his brother in the process of taking away any toy the Baby might have been trying to play with - at least 10 times
The Boy pushing his brother off of my lap and taking his place - every damn time I picked up the baby

And it goes on and on.

Obviously, this is a jealousy issue. And also a boy thing. And maybe a little bit of just being 2. And partly a result of his sleep issues/ over tiredness.

But what can I do? I am actually really scared to leave them in a room together now without me being right there. If they had been in their bedroom this morning I would never have known what happened and who KNOWS what would have happened?

Any suggestions on how to defuse the jealousy? When The Boy starts 3 year old pre-k in August, I have a feeling it will get much better. But until then..... I am at my wit's end with these boys. I think I need to go re-dye my hair.... about a million gray hairs popped into being today....

Mommy Instincts Get the Best of Blogger Fodder

The Wingmen of Mayhem were a hoot last night. Unfortunately, my mommy instincts overrode the blogger instincts and I have no pictures to show you! Wish I had waited to clean up until I snapped a couple....

#1 Funny Episode

Eldest WOM was hungry. I was cooking hot dogs on the stove. We cook our hot dogs in a frying pan with water. When the water boils away, the dogs are heated through and then brown quickly. So... I was boiling them, pushed the handle of the pan to the back and came in the office to check email real quick. Next thing I know the boy was poking me in the side with the hot dog tongs and holding out a plate! He was definitely hungry! LOL.... next thing I know he will be cooking his own dinner! I have decided that I can no longer leave him alone in the kitchen area if anything is cooking. The other day he pushed over his drum and used it to climb up to the microwave and get his food out. I also have decided I must unplug the microwave when it is not in use. Knowing him, he will try to stick a can of green beans int here to cook and blow the whole thing up!

#2 Funny Episode

OK. First, you have to understand how my kitchen is set up. When I come into the kitchen from the office/ hall area, I can look down the length of the kitchen. The bar is on my left and the stove on my right. When you walk to the end of the bar and turn the corner, you are looking the length of my sink area and into the living room. That area is blocked from sight by the bar unless you turn the corner.

Next you have to know that we get our milk from WIC. It is in cardboard cartons and is sealed. It is the kind that stays good for 6 months on the shelf without refrigeration as long as it is sealed. So I keep boxes of it in my cabinets until we need it.

Now, I was reading a blog and getting ready to comment and the eldest WOM brought me his cup and wanted some milk. I told him just a minute and he went away. The youngest WOM was playing in the living room. I was trying to finish my comment when I realized it was veeeerrrryyy quiet out there. Oh no. I typed faster and all of a sudden I heard a giggle.

I jumped up and rushed out to the kitchen where I saw the eldest WOM walking around the bar corner holding a carton of milk. I rushed to get it from him and when I turned the corner.... well. This is where, if I was being a good blogger, I should have grabbed the camera and clicked a pic. But, mommy instincts took over so you will just have to visualize it.

The eldest WOM was pouring himself a glass of milk. He did a great job. Only spilled a little as he overfilled the glass. However.... the youngest WOM was sitting on the floor...... surrounded by a puddle of milk. And two (TWO) empty cartons. He was in the process of emptying the second onto the floor as I reached him. We are talking two quarts of milk. In a puddle. Surrounding a baby who is really quite pleased with himself. And wanted to get up and get another one! I tried not to laugh. I really did. But the look on his face and the huge grin when he saw me was too much. It took three towels to soak up all of the milk. And the eldest WOM was laughing like a loon the entire time. The best I can figure is that the baby decided he wanted milk too, so he poked his little bitty fingers into the seals until he broke them open. And then decided to give himself a milk bath. His complexion is very clear today.

Hey, it's one way to mop the kitchen floor.....

Stop Hitting Your Brother With The Rubber Chicken

Yes. That came out of my mouth today. LOL The boys are sooooo much fun. even when they are driving me crazy! Here is The Boy after his bath. He loves to cuddle in a towel and just relax.

So, of course, The Baby must ruin that for him! LOL Poor Boy.
Thanks to everyone for your comments on yesterdays post. I am in the process of figuring out WHAT I need in my life that will get me to my happy place. OR, what I need to accept about my life as it is. Yesterday was just a bad day overall. Thanks for the input and the positive thoughts and hugs!

Now..... guess what I will be making soon?

Yes! Banana Bread! Anyone have any new variations they would like to share? I have a tried and true recipe and one new one that I made not that long ago. I am looking for something so decadent and yummy that your tongue flops out and beats you around the head and shoulders trying to get more..... let me know if you have something like that! I think tomorrow is baking day. Of course, Gift of the Magi bread is so completely yummy I may have to make that instead. Think banana bread with cherries, coconut and pineapple. Yum.


I am, honestly, in a horrible mood today. I need more sleep. I could not get to sleep last night to save my life. I did have a little nap this morning, as DH watched the boys for me. I just need some caffeine! Or more sleep... I wonder which one I will get?

Yesterday, The Boy did something that I just do not understand. he has been climbing on top of his train table lately. Ok, he likes to climb. Every time I catch him doing it, I go in and make him get down. Yesterday, when I went in I found.... guess what.... in the drawer....

Yes, in the drawer to his train table he had put most of his train pieces and..... he peed on them. WHAT?!? WTF? WHY? I don't get it. I cleaned it up and I still don't get it. Is it a boy thing? Is my son just weird? What?

Anyway. In the same room where the train table is being kept, we also have.... our library! We will be moving the train table out soon. And then, I get to tackle another "little" project. Organizing THIS:

While some of the books are in some kind of order, most are just shoved on the shelves to get them out of the way. When we moved in.... I just wanted stuff unpacked. i didn't care where it went. NOW... when I cannot find my copy of Stranger in a Strange Land or Incubus Dreams, when I cannot find my Sewing for the Home resource book or my Bad Fairies journal... now is the time to get this taken care of. I just have to figure out exactly how I want to organize it. The Girl has 3 bookcases of her own. But my books keep ending up there, so I may just stop segregating them. Cookbooks have 2 - 3 bookcases of their own and that is hubby's job. He organizes those to his liking. So... that leaves me the rest. Quite a job, huh? Should I organize by subject only? By genre? By author? By author within genre? hmmm....

Wish me luck! If I get it done by the end of summer I will be thankful...

The Thursday of Boredom

Ok. First off, I MUST do my menu or I will kick myself later. I already have everything I need for this weeks menu so no more shopping needed. Thank god.

Thursday - Hamburger Gravy and Rice
Friday - Chicken Stew in the Crockpot and Angel Biscuits
Saturday - Leftovers
Sunday - Meat loaf, mashed potatoes and corn with homemade bread
Monday - Hot dogs, Brats and fries with green beans
Tuesday - Chicken Fajitas
Wednesday - Leftovers or Pasta

There. Done. LOL

I am feeling much better today, my back is hurting no worse than it normally does, lol. My children made me insane yesterday. I seriously thought about trying to sell them to the circus. But I think once anyone saw the way they were acting they would refuse to take them. Well. The two youngest anyway. I rarely have problems with my oldest. She is a good girl. Just lazy and lacking in common sense. But that is a typical teenage malady. I remember being the same way myself.

Today I am still trying to get my laundry folded. And I plan to go through the rest of my cabinets to organize and inventory. If it happens, great. Probably, I will not have time. The boys canNOT stand to have me in the cabinets without trying to be in them as well. I may just wait until tonight to do it. After they are in bed. That's when i get the majority of my housework done, anyway!

On a completely different note, I totally want this shirt from Mominatrix. I think it would be fab to wear to play dates. LOL. Because, you know, bondage is the new black. LOL If you have never checked out Mominatrix, you should. She has some great articles on how being a parent affects your sex life. And sex as a mom is definitely different! This article, in particular, is a great one for moms to read.

No planting happened yesterday. My husband irritates me immensly at times. He just sits around when I need him to do things. I asked him when he wanted to go get the soil we need and he answered, "whenever". Sometimes, I just want an answer. I don't want to always be the one making decisions and choosing what to do, when to do it and how to do it. I would love it if he gave me input! That's why I ask! If I didn't want his ideas I would just do what I want ALL of the time. Not just most of the time. LOL

Anyway, not much going on right now. I will try to post again later, but who knows.

Things. And stuff.

Thanks for the comments on the post for my mom! She, unfortunately, is on VACATION for a week! So, she won't even get to read it until next Monday! Oh, well. I hope she gets as good of a feeling reading it as I did writing it.

Today, DH and I made our planter box thingy. It is 1 foot deep and 4 ft wide by 8 ft long. We built it. We placed newspaper in the bottom over the grass and spread gravel over the paper to help with drainage. We will go on Tuesday and pick up all of the soil, plants and seeds so that I can start planting! We will be doing square foot planting like you see here. And we plan to use upside down planters for our tomatoes and peppers like these but I think we will be making our own and not paying $20 or so each. As far as what we plan on growing.... I still have not decided 100%. I know DH is planning specific tomatoes and peppers. I want a variety of leaf lettuces, cukes, string beans, carrots, squash, spinach and maybe eggplant. We will see what I end up with! LOL

The Boy is on a sleep strike. Not sure why. Right now he is screaming and refusing to sleep.... I may have to slam my head into a wall just to get some peace.....

Maybe it is because of the big step he has taken recently.....

He is using the potty! On his own! Without prompting! As long as he is naked! And does not have to poop! And is not distracted!

Well, he only had one accident today. We have been doing "naked" training. He really seems to be getting the idea. Next, I will try him in underwear and see if he gets the concept of pulling them down and going. If I put him in pull-ups or diapers he just pees. And it doesn't bother him to do so. So, we are going to try underwear. Wish me luck. Oh! He also is refusing to poop in the potty. I have cleaned some turds off of interesting places this weekend. Any advice?

I will be posting my CVS shopping deals and pics later tonight or maybe tomorrow. See ya then!

Finally... I find the joy again

For the past year, since The Baby was born, I have had some issues with my elder son. I guess I really need to tell the whole story so you can understand exactly what I mean.

In January of 2007, I was pregnant with The Baby, The Boy was almost 18 months old and we were living in a crappy house. Cheap rent, crappy house. The first thing that happened was that The Boy tripped on the uneven flooring/ wrinkled carpet and smacked into the coffee table. He hit his front teeth. He was bleeding everywhere. He didn't want anything to do with me, he just wanted Daddy. We got him cleaned up as best we could and looked at his mouth. It looked odd but OK. I was worried that his teeth were injured but we decided to wait and see. He appeared fine but a week or so later I noticed some discoloration. I was trying to find a pediatric dentist who could get him in and would accept our insurance. There are only a few in our area. No luck. I kept trying but it went on the back burner. With everything else going on and him not appearing to be in any pain... I kept looking but was not in a major hurry. Then, the next thing happened and drove the teeth issue out of head completely.

In the crappy house, we had no stove. So, I did most of my cooking using electric burners that plugged in or an electric skillet. And, if we plugged in more than one thing per circuit we would pop the breaker. So, this particular night, I was using the microwave in the kitchen and I had plugged the electric skillet into an extension cord running into the other room. We did this all the time and had never had any problems. I had it hooked up so it was easy to step over and no problems with tripping. Supposedly. Anyway. I was boiling water in the skillet and had just dropped some macaroni in. I was five feet away in the kitchen checking the microwave. The Boy was playing. The Girl was in the living room. (You can see what's coming can't you?)

I don't know, and will never know, exactly what happened. Either he tripped on the cord. Or he was curious and pulled on the cord. Either way, it doesn't matter. The end result was the same. He pulled the skillet over onto himself. I heard a huge clatter and he started screaming. The Girl came running and I was scooping him up and saying "What do I do? What do I do?" (totally rhetorical question. I didn't really expect my daughter to tell me what to do!) The Girl says "I don't know!" And I told her to call her Nana and ask her. Meanwhile, I stripped his clothes off as I was running to the bathroom. I put him in the tub and ran cold water. I splashed it on his burns. It was horrible. As soon as I got him cooled some, my mom was on the phone. I told her I was heading to the ER. The burns looked bad. The Girl was a lifesaver. She did exactly what I asked her to do. She got clothes for the boy and diapers, blankets, etc. And met me at the car as I was trying to get The Boy strapped into his car seat without making it worse. The whole time he was screaming and I was sobbing.

The entire ride into the hospital he screamed. I cried. The Girl cried. There was nothing we could do. It took 20 minutes to get there. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.

We got to the ER and inside, they took one look at us and got us right into a room and started examining him and trying to get an IV started to give him morphine for the pain. I was pretty much hysterical. I got The Girl to call my DH at work. She told him we were at the ER because The Boy got burned. He stopped hearing her at The Boy got burned. He thought we were coming by to get him on our way to the ER. Eventually, he got a ride up there.

In the meantime, they were able to get an iv started and the morphine started to kick in. He calmed down somewhat which helped me to calm down. We told them what happened. The Girl told them the same thing independently (I think this is the only reason we never had child services coming to check us out) and they started dressing the burns.

He had second degree burns on his upper back, right side and on the top of his head (a little patch) and on his arm and leg. The leg was the worst. It looked like raw meat.

I felt so guilty. It could so easily have been prevented. If I had only thought ahead. But, you can't think of everything. It is very hard for me to write about. Or even to think about.

Long story with a happy outcome, he healed faster than anyone ever thought he could. Two weeks later you could barely see the marks where he got burned. Now, a year later, you can only see the marks a tiny bit if he gets hot. They get redder than the rest of his skin.

Next, after he healed and was recovered mostly, I was finally able to get him an appointment with a pediatric dentist. The end result of which was that he needed dental surgery. To remove his top 4 teeth in the front. And he also was getting several crowns while they were in there doing that. He had the injury to his mouth and also had baby bottle decay. Sigh.... another thing to feel guilty about. The Boy was addicted to his bottle. He never wanted it away from him. And this was the result.

So, on March 7 of last year, my baby boy went under anesthesia and had surgery. The Baby was due in about 2 weeks.

In the midst of all of this, The Boy had his 18 mos checkup. And I expressed my concerns regarding his speech development and some behavior issues. The Dr assured me that boys developed slower than girls and it was normal. I was not reassured. I went back 3 months later and told him there was no change in his speech. In fact, he was saying less than he was before. The behaviors were worse but we were attributing most of that to having a new baby in the house, change of routine and that his sister was gone for the summer.

At his 2 year checkup the Dr finally admitted to me that he felt that I was right and there was a speech delay. He referred me to an Early Intervention program and also to a developmental specialist in another city. At a University Hospital.

We had The Boy's first evaluation with the EI group in September. He was evaluated as being below level in speech and in fine motor skills. His behavior made it a problem to start speech therapy right away. So, he was scheduled to have a behavior specialist meet with us once a week. To help with his compliance and his ability to follow directions and sit still.

We then had to go for the big evaluation at the hospital. The rest of the story regarding his evaluation, etc is in this post. He has been seeing a speech therapist now for about a month and a half.

Now, I think I have caught us up on the issues my poor child has been dealing with for more than a year. The poor boy has been going from one crisis to the next. And one new situation to the next.

And I have been so frustrated and upset about what has happened to and with him. I have been unable to enjoy him. I have been constantly worried about what is going on with him. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I have been so worried that I could not seem to put that worry aside and just enjoy him. At least not for more than an hour or so at a time.

All of this is here to tell you why this past week has been such a wonderful week for us. Why the simple things that have been happening have meant so very much to me.

My Boy. He is talking.

New words every day. Phrases. Adding several a day! His pronunciation is light years away from where it should be at this age. But that is to be expected. He has a speech disorder and he is missing 4 teeth. He will have years of therapy to get his speech right. But.

I can understand him!

I don't know if anyone without a child with speech delay can understand how incredibly frustrated we have been feeling. Not just me. But The Boy as well. He has been throwing temper tantrums because we cannot figure out what he wants. And now.... he has been telling me "more" and "drink" and "bath" and "book" and I could go on and on. He has had a breakthrough.

And so have I.

I am finally able to relax enough to enjoy my child again. And not spend all of my time with him worrying. And fretting. And looking for more signs of problems all of the time.

I have rediscovered the joy in my child.

Another Giveaway!

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Get off of your brother's head...

This is the phrase I keep hearing come out of my mouth over and over again. With variations of course: Get off of your brother, don't stand on your brother, your brother is not a chair, your sister is not a trampoline, stop spitting on me (admittedly a bit different) and many more. Boys can be such a challenge to herd.... erm.... raise. Why do boys feel this need to hurt each other? And why do they find it so amusing? I have to honestly say that I don't find it amusing when someone headbutts me in the chest. But the boys seem find it hilarious. And what's up with the spitting? You would think I would be used to it by now... and I am. In a weird, grosstastic way. I still marvel at the amount of spit my 2 1/2 year old can conjure up at the drop of a hat.

I watched my two boys play and realized that I have a situation on my hands. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy, Braeden, who is pretty straight forward. What you see is mostly what you get. he is the kind of kid who gets mad at you and will punch you in the nose. No holds barred.

Then I have the 10 month old, Malachai, who seems so sweet and innocent. So angelic. Such a cherubic demeanor. Butter wouldn't melt in this kid's mouth. But.... he is sneaky. He is an instigator! An instigator, I say! He is the kind of kid who will grin at you and when your back is turned take you out with a tire iron! No shit! I watched him playing with B and he tackled him, knocked him over, blew raspberries on his belly, pulled his hair and bit his nose. When B started to fight back a little, M started to cry like he was hurt. B had barely touched him. If I had not seen the whole thing I would have assumed that B had hurt M. And punished B accordingly. Little M just grins up at me when I reprimand him. And I smile back cause he is just so damn cute. I have a feeling this little guy is going to be a handful!! Suggestions? How do you deal with such wildly different personalities?

Who me? I didn't do nothin'!

Speaking Of Speech...

I have had this post written (and several others) but just haven't really gotten a chance to post them. Today I will try to catch up...

Braeden (The Boy) (I am giving up trying to be anonymous. Cause I keep forgetting) was supposed to have his therapy session again on Wednesday. His therapist called and had to reschedule as her daughter was sick. No problem, I have kids, I understand. But, I did get to have a good conversation with her about B's speech issues and his progress and future plans. It was a conversation that I really needed to have with her. She feels that B is saying many more words than I think he is saying. His pronunciation is just so bad that I am not understanding. Also, with my hearing problems, I may not be hearing what he is saying all of the time. She definitely feels that he does need the therapy. For pronunciation as well as to push him to use words more often. I am not sure how him making sounds that are not understandable is different from just babbling. Speech, to me, is words that are consistent and understandable. If he is saying Peas when he means carrots.... do I praise that? Or do I correct it? (Not that he says either of these 2 words, mind you... I am lucky to get a vroom-vroom when he wants to play cars...) I guess I am worried that he won't get as much help as I feel that he needs. But she did say that she will be concentrating on getting him to verbalize and praising attempts at words. So, I guess that is OK. I am just confused as to what she will be doing that I am not already doing! She is going to bring me some informational packets about speech development at different ages and how to encourage speech. This will give me something concrete to work with.

She also told me that I am too hard on myself. That I am a wonderful mother and work much harder with my children than many of her other parents do. That made me feel good. Although I still feel like I should be doing more. When my son says "peeese" for "thank you" ... well.... what do I do there? I just say thank you, that's right, Braeden, Thank you. And I try to make sure he is looking at me when I speak... maybe one day he will just pop out with thank you instead of this sound that bears no resemblance to thank you at all. It sounds like please but not in the correct context. arrrggghhhh... it's so hard to figure out how to handle things and what to say and do. Kids are such a challenge.

He also seems to be having more issues with jealousy of the baby lately. Wanting to be on me when I am nursing, weanting to hurt his brother, lots of roughhousing. I am not sure if this is something i should just ignore or not. I try to spend one on one time with each of my kids. Maybe it will settle down once the baby is completely weaned from the breast.....

Trauma and tribulations

So, the boys got flu shots today. The baby was great. He just kinda whimpered for a minute and then was his usual smiling, giggly self. The boy..... high pitched shrieks and screams, struggles and I think he would have killed the nurse with his bare hands if I had let him. Poor guy.

Then, mommy dearest, in my infinite wisdom, decided that tonight was the night he was sleeping in THE BIG BOY BED. duh duh duh. Yeah. It so didn't work. He went completely hysterical. Screaming and crying. Sobbing uncontrollably. Sounding terrified. Needless to say, he is back in the crib. Need to rethink this. Maybe I will move the crib into the same room as the bed. One change at a time. Get used to a new room and THEN a new bed later. Not like he doesn't already have enough sleep issues without traumatizing him even more.

Anyway. Check out this site. http://www.freerice.com/index.php

Very cool. Very addictive. And very much for a good cause.

Any advice on switching a two year old from a crib to a bed?

Atypical.....?

The boys behavioral teacher was here today. He does so well with her. She is always amazed at how compliant he is and well behaved. I just laugh. It is like a pod child. He is SO GOOD for her and SO BAD for me. Temper tantrums, constant no, refusal to participate in whatever I want him to do. Stubborn is what he is. That is probably all that is wrong with him! And his speech of course. But he did say "grapes" today without prompting. That was really cool. Of course, he came outside and I told him it was cold and he needed to go inside and he said "no I don't". LOL. I guess he can talk when he really wants to! Overall I am very happy with his progress so far. Just concerned that there might be more that I should be doing or more that I am not noticing that he has problems with. If that makes any sense.

I was reading another mom's blog last night. And one of the comments really hit home with me. One lady told this mom that "having atypical behaviors does not make your son any less extraordinary or fabulous". Wow. Atypical Behaviors. That's my boy! I like the way that is phrased. And it is true. He might be "atypical" in some ways but he is still the brightest and sweetest boy in the universe.

Another comment that got to me was that "just because your son has issues does not mean that you are a bad mom. You are the best mommy there is because you are getting your baby the help he needs." And that made me cry. I think that that is how I feel. Like I must have done something wrong. Or not done something. And it doesn't really matter how many times my mom or MIL or DH tell me I am a good mom, I still worry and stress out. There are so many ways to screw up your kids. And then when something IS "atypical" with your child, surely it must be your fault! I know, I know.... it's not. But.....

So, I hope that this evaluation goes well tomorrow. I am not hoping that nothing is wrong with him. What is, is. If nothing is wrong that that is just the icing on my cake. What I am hoping is that they are able to do a good, thorough evaluation so that if there IS something wrong, we can get him the help he needs. I think that that is a good thing to hope.

Meanwhile, the baby is trying to run away. He is now standing while holding on to things, crawling faster than the speed of mommy, and chewing on anything that gets in his way. He has the most gorgeous smile. It makes my whole day brighter when he grins at me. The sleep training is.... going. I won't say it is going well. But we are trying.

So, our days are filled with babble and balls and bubbles and boys galore. The girl is 13. Nuff said. Hahahahaha. I am sure I will hear about that one when she reads this post! Now I must go wash dishes. They don't wash themselves unfortunately.

Later.

Child Development Nightmare

My husband and I took our 2 year old to the doctor for a checkup today. At his 2 year apt. he was referred to Early Intervention for a speech delay and some behavior issues. We set up appointments and he was evaluated and a teacher/ therapist has been coming to work with him once a week. We see some progress.

Then I got a letter from the University of Mississippi Child Development Center in Jackson saying that we have an appointment to have the boy evaluated by a pediatric development specialist and a behavioral specialist person (can't remember the exact titles). So, I asked the doctor today if this is something we need to do since he is already being seen through early intervention. He says yes. That he really would rather that he have the more in depth evaluation. To rule out any developmental causes for his speech delay and behavior probs.

So now I am trying not to panic.

I had just gotten myself calmed down when EI told us they saw no signs of Autism or other major problems and no physical reasons for the speech delay. BUT.... this is a really big deal appointment. It usually takes months and months to get an appointment here. And they fit us in within two months of the referral. WTF? what is this supposed to say to me? IS there something the Dr sees that I don't? Or is this just his way of making some extra bucks off of MS Medicaid? No idea..... trying to just be calm.

The appointment is coming up in 2 weeks. It is a 2 hour drive to Jackson. We have to be there at 830 am. The evaluation will take 4 HOURS!!!!!!!! And then the drive home. So, we get to drag a 2 year old and a six month old out of the house for an 8 - 9 hour day. Blaagggghhhhh.....

On a lighter note, the boy participated in a nice little play date at the park today. The kids blew bubbles and played with balloons. Two of his favorite things to do. Major coolness factor for him. Littlest boy was pretty thrilled with the bubbles as well.

I guess I should give fake, cyber safe names to the little kiddos...... so, middlest child shall be Buddy or the boy. Littlest is the baby or well..... the baby for now. Biggest one is J. And DH is DH. And me? I am SUPER MOM!!!!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-hah..... I wish......