Hello, good readers of the Faerie Castle. This is Jenna, of As the Plot Thickens and The Delusional (loving that shameless blog promoting, eh?), Tracy's kickass and oh-so-modest (heh) daughter, here today (erm, tonight) with none other than a GUEST POST! Because Mother has all but LOST HER MIND!
(Which isn't exactly a good thing, but it does provide me with endless hours of amusement, so there ya go.)
Mah Mommeh has been a bit occupied these past couple of days. I succeeded in busting my knee on Thursday night and pulling a muscle, which caused me not to be able to walk for a day (which meant I, unfortunately, had to miss school and TWO TESTS AND A PRESENTATION). So she had to wait on me and take me to the doctor. But I'm fine now, so no worries there.
My grandma, nana, and cousin all got into town from sunny Florida on Saturday afternoon, and Mother-of-Mine and I spent most of that day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I spent three hours up to my elbows in bleach water, scrubbing my bathroom from tub to toilet. Most definitely NOT my favorite task in the world.
Over the past few days, I have been frantically trying to finish this year's National Novel Writing Month novel, which I have titled The Endless. It's a murder mystery, and it's hard work. I've met the official goal of 50,000 words, but I'm shooting for 90,000 total. Meaning that I've been holed up in my room for the past two days doing not a whole lot with the family unless they make me. Which irritates Mother-of-Mine. But hey, last year I typed through Thanksgiving dinner. I don't think much can top that level of irritation. But don't worry, I won't do that this year.
Maybe.
Anyway, we fumigated today (again) and killed some bugs (again). They're still sort of...everywhere...but we did manage to put a dent in the scurrying, many-legged, icky population. For a few days. Maybe.
Icky, icky, grosstastic, ucky, yucky, absolutely disgusting little creatures are bugs. Ugh.
Before I leave you to go do your thing, I'll toss a funny lil' video at you:
(Be sure to check out my blogs, kthnxbai.)
Love and hugs and stuff,
Jenna.
:P
Showing posts with label HAHA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HAHA. Show all posts
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Bug Hunters
Just a quick check in with everyone. We are having a blast. I am sooooooo happy to have The Girl home. I want to share a story with you.
I live in a 40 - 50 year old house in the Deep South. That means bugs. You cannot get away from them. And I have kids. Which means crumbs. Crumbs = Bugs. Deep South = Bugs x 100. So. I have bugs. My middle child is scared of bugs. When he sees a bug he screams. It could be a roach, a gnat, a housefly, a spider.... it doesn't matter. He screams "A Bug, A Bug!" and I go running with the fly swatter to kill it. (This can be really amusing when we are outside.) I have a heavy duty bug swatter. I swear, this thing is like an inch thick and is attached to a tire iron.
Anyway. This evening (as I type this) my son is leading his sister and his grandmother on a merry chase through the house in search of bugs. When he finds one he jumps up and down and points while hollering "a bug, a bug!" at the top of his lungs. His sister then screams and his grandmother attacks the bug with the swatter. It is highly amusing. He then says Thank You to his grandmother. What can I say.... he is polite! LOL LOL LOL
So, the bug hunters are on the loose. They may have to move outside soon as I think they are running out of bugs in the house.
Maybe I should rent them out......
I live in a 40 - 50 year old house in the Deep South. That means bugs. You cannot get away from them. And I have kids. Which means crumbs. Crumbs = Bugs. Deep South = Bugs x 100. So. I have bugs. My middle child is scared of bugs. When he sees a bug he screams. It could be a roach, a gnat, a housefly, a spider.... it doesn't matter. He screams "A Bug, A Bug!" and I go running with the fly swatter to kill it. (This can be really amusing when we are outside.) I have a heavy duty bug swatter. I swear, this thing is like an inch thick and is attached to a tire iron.
Anyway. This evening (as I type this) my son is leading his sister and his grandmother on a merry chase through the house in search of bugs. When he finds one he jumps up and down and points while hollering "a bug, a bug!" at the top of his lungs. His sister then screams and his grandmother attacks the bug with the swatter. It is highly amusing. He then says Thank You to his grandmother. What can I say.... he is polite! LOL LOL LOL
So, the bug hunters are on the loose. They may have to move outside soon as I think they are running out of bugs in the house.
Maybe I should rent them out......
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
"Do they have to be form fitting?"
Directly quoted ( with permission) from an email to me from one of my good friends. This made me laugh so hard I almost peed. I needed a giggle. Now I share with you....
Ok, so now I will take my leave from the advisory council and tell you a funny as shit, Top 10 most embarrassing moments in life story. I'm at the Walgreens pharmacy counter on Friday to pick up two prescriptions on (hopefully) active insurance. I'm already feeling kind of uncomfortable since I'd just come from an afternoon of painting the exterior of my shop in sweltering, sweat-gland-flushing heat, but ended in a frenzied and very soggy cleanup due to a torrential downpour. Let's just say I'm not looking too chic at the moment, shall we? Well, the authorization phone line isn't working properly and is taking forever...so the pharm tech asks to serve the young woman behind me while we're waiting. No prob, I sidestep and busy myself with marvelling over the marketing ploys and packaging of the impulse-buy rack of medicines they have on the register counter.
I'm not an eavesdropper in general but I hear the woman asking if they carry non-latex gloves. The pharm tech says no, they have only what's on the shelves. So, trying to be helpful and friendly, I turn and ask the woman if she's looked into the foodservice-grade ones they have at Sams. I say, "they come in boxes of, like, 500 or so. But, oh!, do they have to be form-fitting? (Because sams gloves must have been patterned after a giant).
She looks at me like I've got a third nostril or something and then says something unintelligible that I, for a moment, wonder if she's speaking another language. The pharm tech makes a similarly unintelligible noise. I'm baffled. What part of me describing a box of gloves wasn't pretty easy to follow? I must have looked like a cocked head puppy hearing a funny sound at that point. Then, the girl says (very very nervously), "they're not gloves. " The pharm tech echos that sentiment with the same hint of anxiety in his voice.
Silence. (Processing....processing....processing...).
And then like a slap of reality it dawns upon my minuscule, half-listening, butting in busybody of a brain that she is shopping for latex-free CONDOMS, not gloves. Oh cruel gods of mortification!
"Oh" is all that escapes my now numb lips. And then the head goes down, the hand goes up to shield the face, and I'm the same shade red as the Walgreens brand knockoff Icy-Hot cream box I suddenly find myself staring at again....but with the paradigm shift insight from hell. The awkward silence is more than I can bear. But its long enough for me to replay the short conversation in my head, trying desperately to find where I went so disastrously wrong....and, of course, I recall my ironically phrased "do they have to be FORM FITTING" question.
I give up. This is too damned embarrassing to be gracefully dealt with anything but humor. I discard my hand shield and in the most chipper voice I can manage say,"Well, alrighty then! I'm absolutely mortified now. Whoops!!!! " My third nostril must have been flaring because the girl nervously states "I guess I'll... uh... just go have a... uh... look around" and abruptly walks away. I turn with a sheepish grin to the pharm tech who I plan on commiserating my embarrassment with only to have him begin to say something, think better of it, and then he also makes an abrupt departure from my presence.
Wow! I think, can this get ANY worse? The whole scenario at that very moment sinks in with full clarity and, yes, it gets worse...I'm standing there, completely alone at the counter, and I get a case of the giggles- the kind which gets exponentially worse in relation to how hard you're trying to stifle it. So, NOW I'm the crazy lady laughing uncontrollably-all...alone. The tech comes back over and, with a valiant effort at neutrality, informs me my insurance is "pending" and that will be $113.89 please,ma'am. I pay, and as I meet the techs eyes in a gesture of what I hope looks like calm self-assurance, offer up the parting comment, "I think I'll use the drive thru next time. " My eyes travel behind him to the pharmacist himself sitting at his computer. His eyes are closed, his lips tightly pressed together as he stifles his own giggle, obviously having heard the entire exchange. He also happens to be one of my regular customers.
Gee, I can't wait for Monday.
Ok, so now I will take my leave from the advisory council and tell you a funny as shit, Top 10 most embarrassing moments in life story. I'm at the Walgreens pharmacy counter on Friday to pick up two prescriptions on (hopefully) active insurance. I'm already feeling kind of uncomfortable since I'd just come from an afternoon of painting the exterior of my shop in sweltering, sweat-gland-flushing heat, but ended in a frenzied and very soggy cleanup due to a torrential downpour. Let's just say I'm not looking too chic at the moment, shall we? Well, the authorization phone line isn't working properly and is taking forever...so the pharm tech asks to serve the young woman behind me while we're waiting. No prob, I sidestep and busy myself with marvelling over the marketing ploys and packaging of the impulse-buy rack of medicines they have on the register counter.
I'm not an eavesdropper in general but I hear the woman asking if they carry non-latex gloves. The pharm tech says no, they have only what's on the shelves. So, trying to be helpful and friendly, I turn and ask the woman if she's looked into the foodservice-grade ones they have at Sams. I say, "they come in boxes of, like, 500 or so. But, oh!, do they have to be form-fitting? (Because sams gloves must have been patterned after a giant).
She looks at me like I've got a third nostril or something and then says something unintelligible that I, for a moment, wonder if she's speaking another language. The pharm tech makes a similarly unintelligible noise. I'm baffled. What part of me describing a box of gloves wasn't pretty easy to follow? I must have looked like a cocked head puppy hearing a funny sound at that point. Then, the girl says (very very nervously), "they're not gloves. " The pharm tech echos that sentiment with the same hint of anxiety in his voice.
Silence. (Processing....processing....processing...).
And then like a slap of reality it dawns upon my minuscule, half-listening, butting in busybody of a brain that she is shopping for latex-free CONDOMS, not gloves. Oh cruel gods of mortification!
"Oh" is all that escapes my now numb lips. And then the head goes down, the hand goes up to shield the face, and I'm the same shade red as the Walgreens brand knockoff Icy-Hot cream box I suddenly find myself staring at again....but with the paradigm shift insight from hell. The awkward silence is more than I can bear. But its long enough for me to replay the short conversation in my head, trying desperately to find where I went so disastrously wrong....and, of course, I recall my ironically phrased "do they have to be FORM FITTING" question.
I give up. This is too damned embarrassing to be gracefully dealt with anything but humor. I discard my hand shield and in the most chipper voice I can manage say,"Well, alrighty then! I'm absolutely mortified now. Whoops!!!! " My third nostril must have been flaring because the girl nervously states "I guess I'll... uh... just go have a... uh... look around" and abruptly walks away. I turn with a sheepish grin to the pharm tech who I plan on commiserating my embarrassment with only to have him begin to say something, think better of it, and then he also makes an abrupt departure from my presence.
Wow! I think, can this get ANY worse? The whole scenario at that very moment sinks in with full clarity and, yes, it gets worse...I'm standing there, completely alone at the counter, and I get a case of the giggles- the kind which gets exponentially worse in relation to how hard you're trying to stifle it. So, NOW I'm the crazy lady laughing uncontrollably-all...alone. The tech comes back over and, with a valiant effort at neutrality, informs me my insurance is "pending" and that will be $113.89 please,ma'am. I pay, and as I meet the techs eyes in a gesture of what I hope looks like calm self-assurance, offer up the parting comment, "I think I'll use the drive thru next time. " My eyes travel behind him to the pharmacist himself sitting at his computer. His eyes are closed, his lips tightly pressed together as he stifles his own giggle, obviously having heard the entire exchange. He also happens to be one of my regular customers.
Gee, I can't wait for Monday.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
And also.... Badgers. And Lions!
It's a snake, it's a snake! LOL
I love the little lion chewing on the giraffe's leg.....
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