I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately. When I was little I had "friends". People I enjoyed being around. I always had one or two that were close and several others that I was friendly with but... you know. Not Best Friends. When I was small I got along with just about everyone. As I got older it became harder for me to make real friends. I drew into myself and was very different from other people. I read a lot and wrote poetry and enjoyed things like Dungeons and Dragons. I never felt that I "fit in" with many of the other kids my age. It got really bad in Middle School. When I went to seventh grade I discovered that I was just different. I was not really interested in things like makeup and clothes. I didn't really pay attention to the "cool" things. We were not rich by any means. My parents took good care of us but there wasn't a lot of money for extras. And that made me feel different as well.
I made some friends who were also of the "different" variety. And I made one really good friend. She became my "Best Friend". The one who knew everything about me. Who knew WHO I WAS. The real me, deep down inside, that no one else knew about or really even cared about. She was the one that I wrote notes to and got into trouble with. The one that I told everything to and shared with. Like my first kiss. And my first slow dance with a boy.
We went to High School. And we had every class together. We made notebooks full of notes. We would write pages to each other and then pass the notebook to the other. And then she would write pages. We dealt with boyfriends and rumors. A friend who tried to commit suicide. A friend who got drunk at a party and into major trouble. We got drunk together. We learned to drive together. She was the first one I told when I lost my virginity. And vice versa. We went to a dual enrollment college together in our Junior year. And she excelled. She rocked it, yo. She graduated high school and got a two year degree in zoo animal tech on the same day.
During these two years, I lost myself. I met new people and went a different path. I almost didn't graduate high school. Too many boys. And also drugs. And not enough of me.
When I got pregnant at 19, she was there to share it with me as much as possible. I named my daughter after her.
She moved away to another city. And went on with her life. Becoming a strong person with new friends and new experiences that I had not shared with her. We grew apart to some extent.
But we were still great friends.
For 15 years we were friends.
And then, one day, she decided that some parts of my life were not things that she agreed with. And she made a moral judgment. And decided that, rather than give me space and tell me she could not be a part of it that she would just tell me I was wrong and leave and never come back. I don't blame her at all for feeling the way that she did. In fact, the relationship in question ended about a month after she stopped talking to me. Because I listened to what she had to say and realized she was right.
But, that didn't matter to her. She just decided we weren't going to be friends anymore. And, of course, I tried to get in touch with her. But she just was not interested I guess. She had moved on. And 15 years were gone. Poof. Not important to her. That makes me sad. I still remember staying up all night and giggling. And playing games. And sharing stories and experiences. And I still have some of our notes.
I have not talked to her in at least 5 years. I got one little message on MySpace that at least acknowledged the birth of my 2nd child. And nothing else. And that hurts me heart.
All of this to say that I miss her.
And I miss having a "Best Friend". A girlfriend to share things with who truly gets me and who I am.
Friends are important. They shape who we are. And they shape our past, present and future. I miss having that inclusion. That knowing that there is someone to share with.
I love my husband. He is my friend. But he is not a woman and will never truly understand what things are like for me. No man can.
I have met many great women since I moved here to MS. I like a great many of them. But I have not met anyone, yet, who is that "friend". I have my friends from FL. But it is hard to stay close when you live so far apart and your lives are so very different. It makes it difficult to connect sometimes. I value the friends I have made through this blog as well. But blogs can't give you hugs when you need it! LOL
In the end, I think it is very important for women to have friends. Friends outside of their families. Women who can keep them level and sane. Women to go share a crazy night with sometimes.
Remember to keep your friends close. Keep that connection alive. When it ends.... it is sad. It breaks a little piece of your heart. And it never really recovers. Appreciate your friends today! Let them know that you love them.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
CVS Junkie
Well, we just got back from a midnight run to CVS. All 3 kids were sleeping soundly and The Girl knew to keep an ear open for any little boy mischief. We left them sleeping and I dragged DH to CVS so that he could witness the savings bonanza. I don't think he was as enthralled with the process as I am. In fact, I venture to say that he was rather bored! He did like the savings but didn't seem very interested in how I got there. Typical man.... sigh.....
Anyway. Here is a pic of all that I picked up this evening. You can't really see clearly but there are 3 12 packs of Pepsi in the back.
I am not going to list everything that I got. That would be too much even for me. But, I will tell you this:
I spent, out of pocket, in cash - $79.46
I saved in coupons and deals - $100.49
AND, I walked out of the store with a $5 ECB coupon towards my next trip and $17 cash that got refunded to me instead of ECBs.
The reason for the cash refund was because the register did not print my ECBs correctly. When I pointed this out, the cashier/ Manager checked my receipts and the products and then gave me cash because there was no way to get me the ECBs. I have NO PROBLEM with cash! LOL
So, basically, I got $179.95 worth of products for $62.46 out of pocket. And I have $5 to spend on my next purchase.
I think I did pretty good! Not as good as some women who go in and spend 25 cents and come out with $100 worth of stuff but.... this is all stuff we will use. And some of it was not on sale, we just needed it. I plan to make another trip before the end of the week to max out several offers. I need to spend $4 on swiffer products and I will get a $5 ECB. That type of thing. We will see.
Any of you who might be interested in this should check out Money Saving Mom's blog. She has tutorials on how to work the whole CVS thing. And also updates on what deals are hot right now. She also has this pretty cool course on Supermarket Savings. I purchased it and am in the process of going through the plan. It teaches menu planning, budgeting and how to feed a family of 4 on $35 a week. I'll let y'all know how it works for me.
OK. Off to put away stuff! And get some sleep!
Anyway. Here is a pic of all that I picked up this evening. You can't really see clearly but there are 3 12 packs of Pepsi in the back.
I am not going to list everything that I got. That would be too much even for me. But, I will tell you this:I spent, out of pocket, in cash - $79.46
I saved in coupons and deals - $100.49
AND, I walked out of the store with a $5 ECB coupon towards my next trip and $17 cash that got refunded to me instead of ECBs.
The reason for the cash refund was because the register did not print my ECBs correctly. When I pointed this out, the cashier/ Manager checked my receipts and the products and then gave me cash because there was no way to get me the ECBs. I have NO PROBLEM with cash! LOL
So, basically, I got $179.95 worth of products for $62.46 out of pocket. And I have $5 to spend on my next purchase.
I think I did pretty good! Not as good as some women who go in and spend 25 cents and come out with $100 worth of stuff but.... this is all stuff we will use. And some of it was not on sale, we just needed it. I plan to make another trip before the end of the week to max out several offers. I need to spend $4 on swiffer products and I will get a $5 ECB. That type of thing. We will see.
Any of you who might be interested in this should check out Money Saving Mom's blog. She has tutorials on how to work the whole CVS thing. And also updates on what deals are hot right now. She also has this pretty cool course on Supermarket Savings. I purchased it and am in the process of going through the plan. It teaches menu planning, budgeting and how to feed a family of 4 on $35 a week. I'll let y'all know how it works for me.
OK. Off to put away stuff! And get some sleep!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Cross your fingers for me.....
How many of us enjoy getting pulled over by police officers? I imagine not many. However, I have this total anxiety thing going on with getting pulled over now. If I see a police car I start running everything through my head... am I speeding, are any lights broken, are seat belts on, am I weaving at all, do I look like a weirdo.... you name it. Is there a reason for this, you ask? Why yes. Yes there is. Funny you should ask that...
When I lived in FL I hardly ever got pulled over. It was not a big deal when it happened. Never bothered me, except for the basic frustration of having to pay a ticket. When we decided to move to MS it never occurred to me that I might have to worry about police issues. I mean, come on... it's MS but it is also the 21st century. I am a white woman. I am not a freak (at first glance! LOL) and there is no reason I should have to worry about it. Right? No. Wrong.
When we moved here my daughter stayed in FL to finish out the year at school. We had already brought up a uhaul van full of stuff. But, being that we have a lot of stuff, we still had the entire station wagon stuffed full and were pulling a uhaul trailer behind us. Just west of Tallahassee (in FL) the car broke down. Fun. It added about 3 hours onto the trip. So..... by the time we hit MS I was exhausted. I was driving. DH does not drive. I was very tired. The Boy was about 6 mos old at the time and was sleeping, DH was asleep in the passenger seat. It was about 2 am I think and were only about 1/2 hour away from the new city. I was soooooo tired. I guess I was weaving a bit. The uhaul made driving fun. It was windy, I was tired. Next thing I know, we were being pulled over.
The State Trooper was a K9 unit. He was very nice to me. Then he asked DH to get out of the car. And he saw the tattoo. And the long hair. Next thing I know we are being questioned about illegal substances. Had we done any drugs, been drinking, etc. ummmmmm...... no. We don't do drugs. I have not been drinking. I am just tired. AS you can PLAINLY see we are moving and it is 2 AM. Tired.... hello?
Nope. Since I had been slightly weaving as I was driving down this road, the cop decided he just had to have the K9 dog check out us, our car and the trailer. Which was cool. No problem. Until the dog hit on the trailer. It suddenly became not so cool. The cop shifted from "Aw shucks sorry to bother you mode" to "you scumbags, you are drug dealing scum and I will catch you mode". So, there we are. At 2 AM. On the side of the road in MS. Having to unload the entire uhaul trailer. So that the dog can check our stuff.
Of course they found nothing. The dog continued to hit on the corner of the trailer even after the trailer was empty. The cop was unable to locate anything suspicious. The Boy woke up and was screaming. DH and I were freaked out. Finally, the cop apologized and said he was just doing his job. And we could be on our way. But of course he did not offer to help reload the trailer.
Now, fast forward a year and a half. I get pulled over for speeding. No insurance. BIG TICKET. Had to go to court. Got put on probation. PROBATION! For not having insurance.
THEN, not even 2 months later I was driving down the road. I had just left the house and The Baby was fussy. I had my seat belt off to reach in the back and give him his pacifier. As I straightened back up I saw a police car. I put my seat belt back on. Sure enough...... party lights. I got a ticket for no seat belt. If I had not put it on, he would have never noticed I was not wearing it.
So. Now I am paranoid about getting pulled over. You know what makes it even worse? My speedometer is not working. Ever try to figure out how fast you are going using only your tachometer? It ain't easy, folks. So, the next time you see a woman pulled over on the side of the road by a police officer.... cross your fingers for me. And I hope it's not me!
When I lived in FL I hardly ever got pulled over. It was not a big deal when it happened. Never bothered me, except for the basic frustration of having to pay a ticket. When we decided to move to MS it never occurred to me that I might have to worry about police issues. I mean, come on... it's MS but it is also the 21st century. I am a white woman. I am not a freak (at first glance! LOL) and there is no reason I should have to worry about it. Right? No. Wrong.
When we moved here my daughter stayed in FL to finish out the year at school. We had already brought up a uhaul van full of stuff. But, being that we have a lot of stuff, we still had the entire station wagon stuffed full and were pulling a uhaul trailer behind us. Just west of Tallahassee (in FL) the car broke down. Fun. It added about 3 hours onto the trip. So..... by the time we hit MS I was exhausted. I was driving. DH does not drive. I was very tired. The Boy was about 6 mos old at the time and was sleeping, DH was asleep in the passenger seat. It was about 2 am I think and were only about 1/2 hour away from the new city. I was soooooo tired. I guess I was weaving a bit. The uhaul made driving fun. It was windy, I was tired. Next thing I know, we were being pulled over.
The State Trooper was a K9 unit. He was very nice to me. Then he asked DH to get out of the car. And he saw the tattoo. And the long hair. Next thing I know we are being questioned about illegal substances. Had we done any drugs, been drinking, etc. ummmmmm...... no. We don't do drugs. I have not been drinking. I am just tired. AS you can PLAINLY see we are moving and it is 2 AM. Tired.... hello?
Nope. Since I had been slightly weaving as I was driving down this road, the cop decided he just had to have the K9 dog check out us, our car and the trailer. Which was cool. No problem. Until the dog hit on the trailer. It suddenly became not so cool. The cop shifted from "Aw shucks sorry to bother you mode" to "you scumbags, you are drug dealing scum and I will catch you mode". So, there we are. At 2 AM. On the side of the road in MS. Having to unload the entire uhaul trailer. So that the dog can check our stuff.
Of course they found nothing. The dog continued to hit on the corner of the trailer even after the trailer was empty. The cop was unable to locate anything suspicious. The Boy woke up and was screaming. DH and I were freaked out. Finally, the cop apologized and said he was just doing his job. And we could be on our way. But of course he did not offer to help reload the trailer.
Now, fast forward a year and a half. I get pulled over for speeding. No insurance. BIG TICKET. Had to go to court. Got put on probation. PROBATION! For not having insurance.
THEN, not even 2 months later I was driving down the road. I had just left the house and The Baby was fussy. I had my seat belt off to reach in the back and give him his pacifier. As I straightened back up I saw a police car. I put my seat belt back on. Sure enough...... party lights. I got a ticket for no seat belt. If I had not put it on, he would have never noticed I was not wearing it.
So. Now I am paranoid about getting pulled over. You know what makes it even worse? My speedometer is not working. Ever try to figure out how fast you are going using only your tachometer? It ain't easy, folks. So, the next time you see a woman pulled over on the side of the road by a police officer.... cross your fingers for me. And I hope it's not me!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Paranoia
I have a hard time keeping the front end of my house warm. There are some cracks and the doors are not sealed well. So, when the heater is running the back bedrooms get hot and the front of the house is still chilly. And our heating bill has been outrageous. So, I plugged in a space heater that we have and put it in the living room in hopes that it would help keep it warmer in the front and let me not run the gas heater so much. I also don't want to overheat the kids in their rooms at night just to keep the Lroom warm. ANYway. I plugged in the heater. No problems, it is fairly new and seemed to be doing a great job of warming the room! Yay!
I had to go get DH from work. It is a 3 mile drive. Takes about 15 minutes to go and get him and drive back home. Both boys were asleep already and DD getting ready for bed. I routinely leave her in charge of the boys when I have to go get DH from work. They are asleep so no big deal. So, off I go. I get up to the restaurant and there are complications.... long, boring story to that. An hour later I am still waiting for DH to get off of work. I am, at this point, going crazy. Because I left the stupid heater running. And all I could think about was that it would have an electrical short and start a fire and the kids would be trapped or never wake up. I was freaking the fuck out. I tried to call and tell DD to unplug the heater but she didn't answer. The phone is in the front of the house.... she was in her room and couldn't hear it. So, I left DH at work and hauled ass back home practically hyperventilating. I was positive the house was on fire and my babies were choking on smoke.
Of course, I got home and everything is fine. All 3 kids sound asleep, the heater is fine, no problems at all.
Am I going crazy? I thought the paranoia would let up a little bit once the baby was a bit older. I feel like an idiot for worrying so much about the kids all the time.
Needless to say, when I leave in a minute to go and get the DH (again).... the heater will be unplugged.
I had to go get DH from work. It is a 3 mile drive. Takes about 15 minutes to go and get him and drive back home. Both boys were asleep already and DD getting ready for bed. I routinely leave her in charge of the boys when I have to go get DH from work. They are asleep so no big deal. So, off I go. I get up to the restaurant and there are complications.... long, boring story to that. An hour later I am still waiting for DH to get off of work. I am, at this point, going crazy. Because I left the stupid heater running. And all I could think about was that it would have an electrical short and start a fire and the kids would be trapped or never wake up. I was freaking the fuck out. I tried to call and tell DD to unplug the heater but she didn't answer. The phone is in the front of the house.... she was in her room and couldn't hear it. So, I left DH at work and hauled ass back home practically hyperventilating. I was positive the house was on fire and my babies were choking on smoke.
Of course, I got home and everything is fine. All 3 kids sound asleep, the heater is fine, no problems at all.
Am I going crazy? I thought the paranoia would let up a little bit once the baby was a bit older. I feel like an idiot for worrying so much about the kids all the time.
Needless to say, when I leave in a minute to go and get the DH (again).... the heater will be unplugged.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Mondays.... boring mondays....
Nothing too earth shattering going on her at the castle today. We have decided to not give the new meds to the Boy. There is no medical reason at this time to medicate him. I am going to keep track of his eating and weight. i believe I will start a food diary for him. But not make a huge deal out of whether he eats or not. Just keep track of when he is hungry. He has been eating like a hog for the past 2 days. Maybe it is time for a growth spurt? I don't know. We did discover that he will eat almost anything if you stick it on a toothpick. Kinda like on a stick. I know I will eat anything if it comes on a stick. You stick a turd on a stick and I will be hard pressed not to gobble that sucker down. Cause food on a stick? Very cool. Reminds me of the fair.
I am finally feeling completely well. The husband not so much. He is still running a slight fever. And The Baby is still suffering from on again off again diarrhea. Fun for the mommy. The Boy and The Girl appear to be 100% OK now. Hopefully this will be the last of the true yucks at our house for a while!
Jen's giveaway is still going on over at The Delusional. If you haven't popped over there, you should!
Hey! Kara over at Grace Under Autism! I have not forgotten you! Now that we are all officially well and I will not be shipping you flu germs, I will be sending your yummy chocolate goodness on over to you! Sorry it has taken a while!
And now.... off to bed. The tornado watches and warnings and penny sized and marble sized hail and 60 mph winds are gone for the night. Now I can relax enough to get some sleep maybe!
I am finally feeling completely well. The husband not so much. He is still running a slight fever. And The Baby is still suffering from on again off again diarrhea. Fun for the mommy. The Boy and The Girl appear to be 100% OK now. Hopefully this will be the last of the true yucks at our house for a while!
Jen's giveaway is still going on over at The Delusional. If you haven't popped over there, you should!
Hey! Kara over at Grace Under Autism! I have not forgotten you! Now that we are all officially well and I will not be shipping you flu germs, I will be sending your yummy chocolate goodness on over to you! Sorry it has taken a while!
And now.... off to bed. The tornado watches and warnings and penny sized and marble sized hail and 60 mph winds are gone for the night. Now I can relax enough to get some sleep maybe!
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